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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Getting Out Of A Scrape

    | Cuyahoga Falls, OH, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Wild & Unruly

    (I work for a well-known electronics store chain that has their own repair section for electronics. A high school-aged customer brings in her laptop to be checked out.)

    Customer: “I have no idea what’s wrong! It just won’t do anything.”

    (My coworker takes her laptop and runs a virus scan.)

    Coworker: “You have quite a few viruses. It’ll be [price] to remove them.”

    Customer: “Oh, but I have a warranty! Those are covered, right?”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, the plan you have only covers accidental physical damage.”

    Customer: “Who the f*** do you guys think you are? You’re nothing! You have to fix this!”

    Coworker: “Unfortunately, we can’t unless you pay.”

    (The customer grabs the laptop and leaves the store. It’s a slow day, so we’re joking around near the front doors when we see the girl open her laptop, place it on the asphalt, step and scrape it into the ground, before picking it back up and bringing it back in.)

    Customer: “While I was walking to the car, I accidentally dropped it!”

    Me: “You know, we saw you scraping it up outside, right? You did it right in front of the window.”

    Customer: “NO, IT WAS ACCIDENTAL DAMAGE! YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT I DID THIS!”

    Coworker: “We can always go get the security footage.”

    (The customer made a huge fuss, so our manager agreed to take and send the laptop to the service center. Big surprise: it got sent back unrepaired because it wasn’t accidental damage.)

    Sweet Justice

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am a cashier ringing up a woman, her husband and their young son who is about seven. The woman is having trouble with her credit card, which is an obscure foreign card.)

    Woman: “Ugh! I hate this store! I knew I shouldn’t have come here! Everyone here is just stupid! Their machines never let me use credit on my card! It’s just stupid.” *to her husband* “Why did you suggest we come here instead of [competitor]?! Everyone here is just useless!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I will certainly pass the message along to my superior. In the mean time, because it’s only $10.45, would you like to pay via cash?”

    Woman: “No [son], you can’t have the stupid chocolate bar! I don’t know if I have enough bloody coins because of this stupid store!”

    Boy: “But mummy, if you knew the card doesn’t work, why did we go here?”

    Woman: *shuts up*

    Related:
    Sweet Injustice

    A Higher Voice Is Not A Higher Power

    | IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I overhear my coworker’s portion of a call.)

    Coworker: “Thank you for calling [account name]. My name is [name]. May I have your name and membership number, please?”

    (Looking at his screen, I can tell the account information he’s given pulls up a woman’s account.)

    Coworker: “Thank you, sir. Now, I see that this account is under a woman’s name. Are you calling for a wife or family member?”

    (While he does this, he’s checking the account to see if anyone besides the account holder has permission to speak.)

    Coworker: “Okay, well, I’m very sorry to say this sir, but you are not authorized to speak on this account. Your wife would need to contact us.”

    (A moment or two passes.)

    Coworker: “Sir, placing me on hold for a few seconds, and then trying to speak in a higher voice will not fool me into thinking you are your wife. Especially as you already told me that she is out of town, in a meeting, and cannot call us herself.”

    Cut Price Cut-Throats

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Money, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (It is standard grooming salon policy to make sure the customer is completely satisfied with their dog’s haircut before they leave. If not, we will fix what we can. I am returning a dog to its owner.)

    Me: “Here he is, ma’am! Are you happy with the haircut?”

    Customer: *examining dog* “Hmm… well… he looks okay except for the hair above his eyes is still a little too long.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Would you like me to trim it a bit more? It’ll only take a minute.”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Okay then, if you’re sure, that will be [price].”

    Customer: “But that’s full price! You can’t charge me full price, because the hair above his eyes is too long!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I offered to trim it for you. I can still do that; it’ll just take a minute.”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Well then, it’ll be the same price I just told you.”

    Customer: “But that isn’t fair! The hair above his eyes is still too long! I want a discount!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ve offered to fix the hair above his eyes for you, but you’ve refused. I cannot give you a discount for something that I am willing and able to fix right here and now.”

    Customer: “Well, did I say too long? I meant it was too short! It’s too short! You can’t fix that now, can you!? I want a discount!”

    (She proceeded to throw a tantrum for the next ten minutes and only paid up and left when I threatened to call the police on her. Needless to say, she and her dog are no longer welcome back.)

    Not Suitable For Spanish Fly

    | New York, NY, USA | Language & Words, Liars & Scammers, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (Two customers, one male, one female, with notable Spanish accents approach. While I’m Caucasian, I’m quite fluent in Spanish.)

    Male Customer: “Yes, we’d like to return this coffee maker. It doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Certainly. May I see your receipt?”

    (The male customer looks slightly taken aback.)

    Male Customer: “Oh, uh, we threw that away.”

    Me: “Ah, well I’m sorry but the only thing we can do then is give you a store credit.”

    Male Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. We’ll find something else.”

    Me: “Superb. Just let me check inside and we’ll take care of this.”

    (I proceed to open the box.)

    Male Customer: “Que? What are you doing?”

    Me: “I have to check the product, sir. It’ll only take a moment.”

    (The male customer looks increasingly taken aback, and I quickly find out why. While the coffee maker is a model we carry, it has a different brand name printed on it, and the plug is visibly a three prong European version, as opposed to the two prong U.S. version.)

    Me: “Sir, are you sure you purchased this in this store?”

    Male Customer: “Yes, certain!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I’m going to have to get my manager. Just a moment.”

    (I page the manager on duty, explain what’s happening and then show him the coffee maker.)

    Manager: “Sir, I’m sorry but we’re not going to be able to credit you for this. You can’t possibly have purchased this here because this is the international version of the machine. We only sell the U.S. version.”

    Male Customer: *sputters, then hangs his head* “Sorry, I must have made a mistake.”

    (He takes the box back and turns to leave, whereupon the female customer whacks him upside the head.)

    Female Customer: *in Spanish* “Oh, no! ‘Americans are all idiots!’ ‘They won’t check if it’s the right item!’ ‘They don’t know about international voltage!’ You are a f***ing disgrace, you know that!? No way is that going back in my luggage for the flight home!”

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