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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    A Brush With Stupidity

    | Haifa, Israel | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m the manager of a pizzeria. I have all my employees keep their hair very short and clean-shaven. This happens when a customer comes up after just having been served her pizza. Everyone working this shift also has black hair.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but there’s a long, blond hair in my pizza!”

    (She stares at me as though expecting me to do something. She also has long blond hair.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that hair didn’t come from us.”

    Customer: “But it’s on my pizza! You have to do something!”

    Me: “I don’t know what I can do other than to give you directions to the nearest drug store to buy a comb.”

    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m working at a going out of business’ sale, during which there’s a All Sales Final, NO Returns’ policy. A customer approaches register with a box full of pipe fittings. He starts placing them on the counter.)

    Me: “Did you find everything alright today, sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m not buying these. I’m returning them.”

    Me: *pointing to sign right next to me* “Sir, we do not take returns anymore.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re f***ing taking these. I bought these and was told any unused ones can be returned. Now I want my money back!”

    Me: “Sir, these aren’t even a brand we carry at this store.”

    Customer: “Don’t f***ing talk to me! Hurry up and do your job.”

    Me: “Sir, even if I could take returns, I don’t see a receipt for these items. When did you say you bought these?”

    Customer: “Like 3 months ago. You’re f***ing useless! Where’s your manager?”

    (I grab my manager and explain the situation to him.)

    Manager: *to customer* “So, let me get this straight. You’re returning a product that we never supplied three months after you supposedly bought them, with no proof of purchase when we do not allow returns?”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! I’ve been a loyal customer here for 23 f***ing years! You can’t just throw me out!”

    Manager: “Sir, my name is on the building, and I’ve run this place since 1982. I’ve never seen you before in my life. So I suggest you get out now before I call the police.”

    (The customer grabs his box, mutters some swear words under his breath, and storms out.)

    Related:
    Past The Point Of No Return

    Let’s Hope He Doesn’t Still Jump On The Bed

    | TN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in a call center doing reservations for a sizable hotel chain. Our system is set up to not only put in the number of adults but the number and age of children as well.)

    Me: “Okay, so how many adults and children will be in the room?”

    Caller: “Well, it depends what age you consider a child.”

    Me: “Well, I can put them in as a child, and if they’re too old, my system will adjust them to an adult automatically.”

    Caller: “Okay, then. Two adults and one child.”

    Me: “And the age of the child, please?”

    Caller: “43.”

    Failed Across The Board-ing

    , | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I recently started working at a restaurant in my local airport. We serve passengers waiting to board their flights. As a rule, we tell all of our customers how long their food will take so that they don’t risk missing their flight or not receiving their food in time to board. I am visibly pregnant.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Can I get a cheeseburger combo from the grill?”

    Me: “Sure! Just so you know, they usually take about 10-15 minutes to make. Is that alright?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine…”

    (I give the woman her total, cash out the transaction, and she goes to her boarding area. After about five minutes, she returns.)

    Customer: “Where the f*** is my burger?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, they take anywhere from 10-15 minutes to make. I can go check and see how much longer it will be for you.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! You didn’t tell me that! My plane is boarding! I’m going to miss my flight!”

    Me: “Hold on one second, ma’am and I’ll go check.”

    Customer: “No, f*** that! I want a manager and a refund!”

    (I fetch my manager.)

    Customer: “I want this pregnant s*** fired! She didn’t tell me that the food would take this long! How could you even hire someone like that? I don’t want some knocked up s*** taking my order!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, you are entitled to a refund. However, you are not entitled to insult my cashier and disturb the other customers. Also, I don’t doubt that my cashier told you how long the food would take. I’m betting you didn’t notice her saying it. Just like you didn’t notice that she is wearing a wedding band excluding her from your s*** comment, didn’t notice that your food has been sitting on the hot tray for a full two minutes while you berated my employee, and didn’t notice that your flight is not boarding. The flight boarding is for uniformed military only.”

    Customer:*stammers, takes her burger, and goes back to her boarding area in silence*

    A Borderline Liar

    | CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (A customer is paying with her credit card.)

    Me: “I just need to see your card and ID.”

    (She hands me her YMCA card.)

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. I need a valid ID.”

    Customer: “That is a valid ID.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I need either a state issued ID or a military ID.”

    (She looks through her wallet but can’t find her ID.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, did you want to use another form of payment?”

    Customer: “No, this is ridiculous. I use this card everywhere I go for identification. I’ve even passed through immigration with this.”

    Me: “Really? With your YMCA card?”

    Customer: “Yes! At the airport, all you need is an ID with a picture on it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, I guess we are just not as lenient as Homeland Security.”


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