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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Shrewd With Shoes

    | Kansas City, KS, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (My manager is helping a customer and her daughter find a pair of shoes for the girl.)

    Manager: “This style has gone to clearance, so this is the only size we have left.”

    Customer: “Okay. Let’s try those on, and see if they fit her.”

    (My manager leaves the customer’s to try the shoes on. A few minutes later they come through my line to check out. The shoes are not in their pile of clothing.)

    Me: “So, you decided against those shoes?”

    (The customer seems flustered.)

    Customer: “Yeah, no. They didn’t fit.”

    Manager: “Since you aren’t purchasing them, could I have those shoes? I have another customer wanting to try them on.”

    (The customer points vaguely to the shoe section. My manager cannot find the shoes, so acting on a hunch, she calls security. I finish the customer’s transaction and bag her items. Security arrives a minute later, and the customer flees the store with her bags. Several minutes later, my manager and a security guard approach my register, holding the pair of shoes the customer said she left on the floor.)

    Manager: “I am going to have to write you up.”

    Me: “What? What did I do?”

    Manager: “You didn’t notice that woman had a pair of high top sneakers stuffed into her jacket! She threw them onto the ground as she was running. But since you checked her ID against her credit card and got all her information, I think I can let it go this time!”

    (Thankfully she was joking, and I wasn’t written up. She later testified in court against the customer, getting the thief’s name from the credit card she had used when I rang her up.)

    Wanted A Refund, But Scratch That

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (A familiar looking lady approaches the front counter, but I can’t remember where I’ve seen her before. She speaks briefly to a colleague that is manning the front counter, who comes over to me.)

    Colleague: “This lady wants to return this DVD because she claims it doesn’t work. Take a look at the disc.”

    (I take a look at the disc, and it is severely scratched.)

    Me: “Well, that’s clearly why it’s not working. Did she say she bought it like that?”

    Colleague: “Yeah. She said she opened it and the disc was already like that.”

    (All of our DVDs come with security seals which are unlocked when purchased, so I know this isn’t the case. I look at the DVD title in our system, and notice we have not sold any in the last four weeks. I remember this same customer has tried to return DVDs in the same condition before.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. How are you today? Now, were you the customer that was after a refund for this DVD?”

    Customer: “Yes, it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay. Now did you have a receipt for it? That way I can clear up a few things.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have a receipt! I didn’t think I’d need one!”

    Me: “Okay, that’s fine. Now when did you purchase this DVD?”

    Customer: “Last week! Why is this even an issue?”

    Me: “Well, I have just checked our records. It shows that we haven’t sold a copy of this DVD is over a month. So, either you’re lying to me, or you’ve stolen it. In either case, you are definitely not getting a refund, and I suggest you leave this store immediately. I’ll be sure to ring all neighbouring stores, informing them that you’re attempting to get a refund on a product that you may not have even bought. Is that all for today?”

    (The customer snatches the DVD, and runs out of the store. I ring the store closest to us. Two hours later, I receive a phone call saying they caught her, and she is wanted for 12 other charges!)

    Handling Change Well

    | Cork, Ireland | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (A well-dressed, middle-aged man comes up to me with a friendly smile.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’m sorry to be a bother. Could I possibly get change from you?”

    Me: “Okay, come up to the till. I’ll help you out.”

    Customer: “Thank you so much.”

    (He hands me three €20 note.)

    Customer: “If I could get a €50 note and a €10 note out of this, it’d be really helpful.”

    (I take the three €20 notes, and hand him back the change.)

    Customer: “Thanks. Sorry, but could I ask one more favor? Could I just get two €1 coins for this?”

    (He hands me a €2 coin. I am feeling slightly suspicious now. I turn back to the till, take out the two one-euro coins, and hand them to the man. He doesn’t move.)

    Me: “Is there something else?”

    Customer: “You never gave me the €50 note.”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure I did.”

    Customer: “No, you definitely didn’t.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not giving you any more money. If you would like, you can come back during closing. If we’re €50 over the end of day report, I will be happy to rectify my mistake. However, I’m absolutely positive I did not make one.”

    Customer: “Are you, really? This is ridiculous. You did not give me the money!”

    Me: “I think I did.”

    Customer: “You couldn’t have made a mistake? How are you so sure?”

    Me: “Because the corner of the €50 note I gave you is sticking out of your sleeve.”

    (Turns out he had done it to all the other shops on the street, and successfully conned two.)

    Not Dropping The Charges

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes in to return a totally shattered phone.)

    Customer: “It’s really cold outside and I was using it and pop!”

    Me: “This looks like it was dropped.”

    Customer: “I didn’t drop it; it just cracked!”

    Me: “That’s not possible.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager.”

    Me: “That won’t be necessary.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “That won’t be necessary. Just like me, he is not going to want his intelligence questioned by someone who claims he just saw the laws of physics being broken, at the hands of an irresponsible user.”

    Customer: “…fine. I might have dropped it on the ice.”

    Me: “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

    Put This Con To Bed

    | WA, Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

    Customer: “I am looking for some cheap beds for my sons.”

    (I look at the two boys the customer has brought with her. One is about 6 years old and very slim, while the other is approximately 13 and massive.)

    Me: “Well, for the little one we have this model…”

    (I show her the cheapest mesh base in the store.)

    Me: “…and for the older boy, we have this model.”

    (I show her a heavy duty reinforced model that is $60 more.)

    Customer: “No, I will take two of the cheaper beds, thanks.”

    Me: “The cheaper model will not stand up to any punishment from the older child.”

    Customer: “No, he isn’t mine. My other son is with a friend and he is about the same size as the little fella.” *points to the slim 6 year old*

    Me: “Okay, but if this is for the older child, we won’t fix any damage he does and won’t refund or replace it.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

    Me: “No, I just want you to be aware that it’s not designed for older children.”

    Customer: “Well, it won’t be for an older kid, you idiot.”

    (I take the customer to counter with receipt and warn the manager of her after she departs. Two days later, the customer returns with a broken bed and the two same boys.)

    Customer: “I got this bed two days ago and one is already broken.”

    Me: “Did the older kid jump on it?”

    Customer: “No, you bloody idiot! I told you it wasn’t for him.”

    Me: “Okay then, just go to the front counter and they will arrange a refund.”

    (The customer walks from the warehouse to the front desk. Meanwhile, I talk to the 6-year-old son.)

    Me: *to the 6 year old* “Did your big brother jump on the bed?”

    6-year-old Son: “Yeah, he cracked a sad, jumped on his bed, threw it against the wall and broke it. Now mum has to get a new one so she brought it back.”

    (I walk to the front counter and tell the administration staff to cancel the order.)

    Me: *to the customer* “Please come and collect your broken bed from the warehouse.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** do I want the broken bed back? I came here for a refund!”

    Me: “Luckily, your son is more honest than you are. He told me the truth about the bed, and we aren’t a disposal service for other people’s rubbish.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

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