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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Not Suitable For Spanish Fly

    | New York, NY, USA | Language & Words, Liars & Scammers, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (Two customers, one male, one female, with notable Spanish accents approach. While I’m Caucasian, I’m quite fluent in Spanish.)

    Male Customer: “Yes, we’d like to return this coffee maker. It doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Certainly. May I see your receipt?”

    (The male customer looks slightly taken aback.)

    Male Customer: “Oh, uh, we threw that away.”

    Me: “Ah, well I’m sorry but the only thing we can do then is give you a store credit.”

    Male Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. We’ll find something else.”

    Me: “Superb. Just let me check inside and we’ll take care of this.”

    (I proceed to open the box.)

    Male Customer: “Que? What are you doing?”

    Me: “I have to check the product, sir. It’ll only take a moment.”

    (The male customer looks increasingly taken aback, and I quickly find out why. While the coffee maker is a model we carry, it has a different brand name printed on it, and the plug is visibly a three prong European version, as opposed to the two prong U.S. version.)

    Me: “Sir, are you sure you purchased this in this store?”

    Male Customer: “Yes, certain!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I’m going to have to get my manager. Just a moment.”

    (I page the manager on duty, explain what’s happening and then show him the coffee maker.)

    Manager: “Sir, I’m sorry but we’re not going to be able to credit you for this. You can’t possibly have purchased this here because this is the international version of the machine. We only sell the U.S. version.”

    Male Customer: *sputters, then hangs his head* “Sorry, I must have made a mistake.”

    (He takes the box back and turns to leave, whereupon the female customer whacks him upside the head.)

    Female Customer: *in Spanish* “Oh, no! ‘Americans are all idiots!’ ‘They won’t check if it’s the right item!’ ‘They don’t know about international voltage!’ You are a f***ing disgrace, you know that!? No way is that going back in my luggage for the flight home!”

    Un-Sue-table Behavior

    , | MA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top

    (The fast food restaurant I work in has two areas. One is a large area where you order food at the counter and that contains several tables. The second is only a few feet below the first and is accessed by walking down two stairs. At the time of day, we have a section roped off since the restaurant is nearly empty. Two women walk up to the counter: a middle-aged woman and an elderly woman who appears to be her mother.)

    Middle-aged Customer: “Hi, we’d like to order two breakfast meals, please.”

    (As I take her order I notice the elderly customer glance behind her at the roped-off stairwell. She then starts to take two steps backward towards the stairs.)

    Me: “Ma’am, please watch your step. There is a small set of stairs behind you.”

    (The elderly customer glances behind her again, and then takes another few steps backward.)

    Me: *repeating* “Ma’am, there is a set of stairs behind you. It is roped off, but please be careful because I don’t want you to fall or get hurt.”

    (The elderly customer continues to step backwards, but before I can stop her, she dramatically falls backwards over the steps.)

    Elderly Customer: “I just fell over your stairs! They weren’t properly secured! I think I hurt myself. I’m going to sue you personally, and this restaurant!”

    Middle-aged Customer: *rolling eyes and not even turning around* “Mother, get up off the floor and come over here and get your breakfast. You aren’t hurt and you’re not suing anyone.” *to me* “Just ignore her. She tries these stunts everywhere she goes. Thankfully I drove here and not her. This is how she lost her driver’s license as well!”

    Long Distance Phoney Call

    | New York, NY, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers

    (A guest comes up to the front desk with a copy of her room charges that was placed under her door. For various reasons, the list of charges gives little detail. Detailed receipts can be acquired upon request.)

    Guest: “I’d like to know why I was charged for these phone calls!”

    (I look at her receipt and it lists two calls stating only ‘Long Distance Call’ and the rate she was charged for each.)

    Me: “The charges are for the long distance calls you made from the room.”

    Guest: “I didn’t make the second call! Someone must have snuck into my room and made a call from my phone!”

    Me: “Okay, no problem; what is the phone number for the call you are disputing?”

    (I pull up her detailed bill in my computer. She rattles off the correct phone number for the call she ‘didn’t make’.)

    Me: “And since a stranger came into your room and made that call while you were out, how did you come to know the number called?”

    Guest: *turns red and quickly leaves*

    (Lucky for me I left detailed notes about the encounter. I came back the next day to additional notes from a coworker saying she had tried the same tactic again!)

    Word To The Whys

    | Austin, TX, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business]; how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you’d do this to me! I’ve been a customer for years! I’ve spent literally thousands of dollars with you! Why would you do this to me?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but what’s happened?”

    Customer: “You charged me for two [products], but only sent one. Why are you trying to rip off a loyal customer?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry your order wasn’t complete. I’ll get the missing item shipped to you today.”

    Customer: “But why did you do this to me?”

    Me: “I think it was just a mistake. We wouldn’t do something like that intentionally.”

    Customer: “Of course you did! The packing slip clearly says ‘F*** you!’ on it!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that! Can you send me a photo so I can forward it to my manager?”

    Customer: “Why? Don’t you believe me?!”

    Me: “I need to see the handwriting to figure out who wrote it.”

    Customer: “Fine. I’ll mail it back.”

    Me: “I would prefer it if you email a photo, but mailing it back is fine. In the meantime, I’ll get the missing [product] sent to you.”

    Customer: “I still can’t believe you’d do this to me!”

    (The customer mails in the slip, and sure enough, written in crayon in a very unsteady hand that I don’t recognize, is ‘F*** you!’. However, it’s followed in the same handwriting and crayon by, ‘I can’t believe you’d do this to me!’)

    Got The Fraud On The Phoney

    | CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work at a call center for an online store. My job includes fraud prevention. If a caller dials in to place an order that seems out of place, I let my manager know. This is one of those times.)

    Me: “So, I’ve got a customer on the line here that uh… placed an order for a really expensive product. Expedited shipping. They want a tracking number for it. I’m not liking this.”

    Manager: “Do the billing and shipping match?”

    Me: “Nope. Completely different states, too.”

    Manager: “Hmm… did they order anything before?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah! They placed [order].”

    (After a few minutes of silent research…)

    Manager: *smiling* “Transfer them to me.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    (He puts it on speaker.)

    Manager: “Thank you for holding, this is [name], manager in charge. How can I help you?”

    Fraudster: “Yeah, I’m pretty mad at you guys right now. Been waitin’ for twenty godd*** minutes for a single trackin’ number! The last associate that talked to me is an incompetent b****!”

    Manager: “Oh, well I’m sorry to hear about that, sir. You mentioned that you were looking for a tracking number, is that right?”

    Fraudster: “Yeah! And while you’re at it just fire the last b**** I spoke to! She’s f***ing useless as h***!”

    Manager: “It’s going to be a few moments while I pull up the number. But how’re you doing?”

    Fraudster: “Well… now I’m doing good. You know what you’re doing, unlike that—”

    Manager: “That’s good to hear. Glad you’re not feeling guilty or anything.”

    Fraudster: “…For…what?”

    Manager: “For the fraud orders you’ve been placing on our website.”

    Fraudster: “Uh…”

    Manager: “I’ll be honest with you: I know what you’re doing. I’ve known for a couple of weeks now. So, tell me, how many cards have you stolen?”

    Fraudster: *scared* “Ju-just two—”

    Manager: “Hmm, okay. Well, I work pretty close with [other state's police department]. So, I’m gonna give you two choices. You can either turn yourself in like the good guy I’m sure you are. Or you can just sit there while I have them down there in a few hours, embarrassing you and your family.”

    Fraudster: “O-oh God. L-look, I—”

    Manager: “I’ve got them on speed dial.”

    Fraudster: “I’ll turn myself in!”

    Manager: *extremely cheerful* “Oh good. Now, what time should they expect you so I can let them know?”

    Fraudster: “T-ten o’clock in the mornin’.”

    Manager: “They’ll be waiting. Have yourself a good day, sir.”

    (And yes, he did turn himself in!)


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