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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Put This Con To Bed

    | WA, Australia | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

    Customer: “I am looking for some cheap beds for my sons.”

    (I look at the two boys the customer has brought with her. One is about 6 years old and very slim, while the other is approximately 13 and massive.)

    Me: “Well, for the little one we have this model…”

    (I show her the cheapest mesh base in the store.)

    Me: “…and for the older boy, we have this model.”

    (I show her a heavy duty reinforced model that is $60 more.)

    Customer: “No, I will take two of the cheaper beds, thanks.”

    Me: “The cheaper model will not stand up to any punishment from the older child.”

    Customer: “No, he isn’t mine. My other son is with a friend and he is about the same size as the little fella.” *points to the slim 6 year old*

    Me: “Okay, but if this is for the older child, we won’t fix any damage he does and won’t refund or replace it.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

    Me: “No, I just want you to be aware that it’s not designed for older children.”

    Customer: “Well, it won’t be for an older kid, you idiot.”

    (I take the customer to counter with receipt and warn the manager of her after she departs. Two days later, the customer returns with a broken bed and the two same boys.)

    Customer: “I got this bed two days ago and one is already broken.”

    Me: “Did the older kid jump on it?”

    Customer: “No, you bloody idiot! I told you it wasn’t for him.”

    Me: “Okay then, just go to the front counter and they will arrange a refund.”

    (The customer walks from the warehouse to the front desk. Meanwhile, I talk to the 6-year-old son.)

    Me: *to the 6 year old* “Did your big brother jump on the bed?”

    6-year-old Son: “Yeah, he cracked a sad, jumped on his bed, threw it against the wall and broke it. Now mum has to get a new one so she brought it back.”

    (I walk to the front counter and tell the administration staff to cancel the order.)

    Me: *to the customer* “Please come and collect your broken bed from the warehouse.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** do I want the broken bed back? I came here for a refund!”

    Me: “Luckily, your son is more honest than you are. He told me the truth about the bed, and we aren’t a disposal service for other people’s rubbish.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

    Caught On Con-did Camera

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working as a ride attendant for a theme park roller coaster.)

    Me: *over the intercom* “Once the gates have opened completely, you may make your way to the farthest available seat. Please make sure to secure all personal belongings and fasten your seat belt securely.”

    (Two men approach me from the loading gates, one of whom is in a wheelchair.)

    Disabled Guest: “Hey, buddy. You think you could help my friend get me into the seat there?”

    Me: “Uh, sure, I could do that.”

    (His friend wheels him over to the end of a row of seats and puts the brake on his chair.)

    Me: “What do you need me to do?”

    Friend: “You get his feet, I’ll get him from the back.”

    Disabled Guest: “Thanks again.”

    (The disabled guest raises his arms and his friend grabs him around the chest while I lift his feet off the ground and we sidle over to the train car. Suddenly the disabled guest twists his upper body violently and his friend drops him on his rear end.)

    Disabled Guest: “OH, GOD!”

    Friend: “What the f*** did you just do?!”"

    Me: *terrified* “What?”

    Disabled Guest: “F***, s***, f***! I think my back is busted!”

    Friend: *pointing at me, looking all around* “You all saw him! He dropped my buddy on purpose! That’s first-degree assault!”

    Me: “But I didn’t do anything!”

    Disabled Guest: *still pretending to be in pain* “Somebody call an ambulance! Somebody call a lawyer! Call the cops!”

    Friend: *stomping over to stand one inch from me* “You think just ’cause my buddy’s in a wheelchair you can do whatever you f****** want to him? We’re gonna sue the s*** out of your f****** a**!”

    (He shoves me with both hands, but then the guy in the end seat in the row behind the one we were trying to sit the disabled man in yells at them and points his camera phone at them.)

    Camera Guy: “Hey! You leave him alone! I saw what you did! You tried to set him up! He didn’t drop your friend, you did!”

    (The disabledguest, still lying on the ground, abruptly stops yelling in pain.)

    Friend: “F*** you, f**! You can’t prove anything!”

    Camera Guy: “Oh yeah? I got the whole thing on video!” *he waves his phone at them*

    Friend: “Give me that f****** phone!”

    (The disabled guest’s friend lunges for the phone but the other man quickly hands it to his wife two seats over. The friend hits his head on the side of the train car and his extended hand scratches the camera man’s neck.)

    Disabled Guest: “[Friend's name], get the f****** phone, you retard!”

    (The charade begins to fall apart as his friend staggers and clutches his head, which is now bleeding.)

    Friend: *staggering and clutching his head, which is now bleeding* “F*** you!”

    Camera Guy: “Somebody call security! These guys are con artists! I got it all on tape!”

    (I dash around the disabled guest, having to jump as he tries to grab me by the legs, and run back to the intercom.)

    Me: “Security to [roller coaster] loading platform, emergency!”

    (Three security guards armed with night sticks and mace show up only a few seconds later and have to drag the disabled man’s friend away as he was trading kicks with the camera guy and the camera guy’s wife. The camera couple and the two men are both taken to the nearest emergency station, and security makes me go with them. A park official shows up about half an hour later to take statements from everyone involved separately. After I give my statement, I wait alone in a waiting room for some time before a park doctor comes in and tells me the camera couple wants to talk to me. I’m led into their room.)

    Camera Guy: “Hey, I wanted you to know I saw everything that happened. If that guy tries any legal s*** against you, I’ll be a witness.”

    Me: “That would be great of you. I just… I don’t know what’s going on.”

    Camera Guy’s Wife: “This place is full of cheaters and liars; that’s what’s going on.”

    Camera Guy: “D*** right, honey.”

    (The park official walks in again.)

    Camera Guy: “You don’t believe that jacka**’s story, do you?” *points to me* “This guy didn’t do anything wrong. I caught it all on video with my phone if you need proof.”

    Park Official: “That won’t be necessary, sir. We have security cameras all over the park. We saw what those men did.”

    (The two men were banned from the park and the able-bodied one was charged with assault on the camera guy and his wife, who were given a refund on their admission, four additional one-day tickets, vouchers for free meals at any restaurant in the park, and two huge stuffed animals for their kids, all free.)

    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 3

    | CO, USA | Liars & Scammers

    (I am working at the guest service desk at a big box store. It is customary when a box is returned that we open the box and check that all the content are inside.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to return this vacuum. It doesn’t work very well. I have my receipt.”

    Me: “Okay, let me see what I can do for you…”

    (I take the opened box and as I’m trained to do, look inside. Instead of the vacuum picture on the size, there is a different vacuum inside. In fact, this vacuum is a different size and brand, and is very much used.)

    Me: “Ma’am, it seems that you have placed the wrong vacuum inside this box. It looks like you are trying to return your old, used vacuum and keep the new one.”

    Customer: *picks up box and runs out of the store*

    Related:
    Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2

    No Shame In The Blame Game

    | Boston, MA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

    (We sell candles and during sales usually make a mountain out of our left over stock on a display table. A young girl around age 10 has picked up one of the candles from the group, sniffed it and put it back down and began to walk away. Suddenly a loud crash sounds and several candles on the other side of the table fall to the floor. A woman had just picked up a candle and is standing in front of the fallen candles.)

    Woman: “I didn’t do it! It was that kid’s fault!”

    Kid: “What? The candles fell on your side of the table.”

    Woman: “Shut up you little brat! I saw you knock over those candles! You should be ashamed of yourself! This is why kids should not be allowed in public. Where is your mother!?”

    (Having witnessed the ordeal, I walk over and chime in.)

    Me: “Ma’am, she wasn’t touching the candles when they fell, and you are holding the same scent of candle that is on the floor.”

    Woman: “This is what is wrong with kids today! They are so sheltered! They have no idea how to take responsibility for their actions! How will they function in the real world?” *looks to the little girl* “You are in for a nasty shock when mommy and daddy are no longer around, brat!”

    (The whole store is watching in silence. My manager walks over.)

    Manager: “Ma’am I am going to have to ask you to pay for the items you smashed or leave the store.”

    Woman: *dumbfounded* “I am a loyal, paying customer. You can’t treat me this way! You are only making me pay because this brat doesn’t have any money. I will never shop here again!”

    Manager: “Good. Now leave. We’re a family-friendly establishment.”

    Woman: “Children are ruining society!” *storms out*

    (The little girl seemed a little upset but was not crying and said she was okay. Another customer bought her a nice perfume and body lotion set and our manager gave her one of our rubber ducks!)

    Seasonings Greetings

    | Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (It’s Christmas time, and I am tasked with handing out free bags of popcorn to shoppers.)

    Manager: “Hey, I just got a complaint from a customer that this batch was too salty. Maybe cut it back a bit, then customers who want more salt can add it themselves.”

    Me: “Sure, not a problem!”

    (A couple batches later of adding barely any salt, an angry customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “What the f*** is this?!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “What, is there a shortage on salt or are you just being cheap?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, but some customers don’t like much salt on their popcorn, and it’s easier to add more than it is to remove it after the fact. If you’d like more salt you’re welcome to add more.”

    Customer: “This is f***ing bulls***! I shouldn’t have to add my own f***ing salt to my popcorn! I pay good money here!”

    (Thankfully, my manager overhears this and walks up.)

    Manager: *to the customer* “What money? You came to me earlier and complained the free popcorn you got was too salty. I asked my associate to cut back while you loitered around the store for half an hour, picked up another free bag only to complain again!”

    Customer: *turns red and leaves*


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