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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    An Upgrade Is In Her Suite Dreams

    | MI, USA | Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Pets & Animals

    (Our hotel rules state that while pets are not allowed, we make exceptions for service animals. A blind guest checks in with his Seeing Eye dog. I ask my coworker to take care of him, as I have a slight pet allergy. Not more than an hour later, another guest comes rushing towards me at the front desk, gasping and wheezing terribly.)

    Guest: “There…” *gasps* “…is …a f****** dog in the hotel!”

    Me: “Yes, it belongs to a man who’s legally blind.”

    Guest: *coughs* “You said on your website that you don’t allow pets! I demand to be moved! I have severe allergies!” *gasps for breath* “That d*** mutt could kill me!”

    (I’m stumped by this, as the guest in front of me is in a room on the second floor, while we checked the man with the service dog in on a room on the opposite end of the third floor. Nevertheless, she looks to be in a bad state, so I do my best to help.)

    Me: “Well we can certainly do that. I have another single bedroom on the fourth floor, far away from where there’ll be any—”

    Guest: “No!” *coughs* “I want a suite! I deserve a free room at least for having my life endangered like this!”

    (She grabs the desk and dramatically clutches her throat.)

    Guest: “Merciful Jesus…” *gasp* “…can’t f****** breathe!”

    Me: “Ma’am, why don’t you sit down while I call 911. Where in your room do you have your medication, so we can at least give you something to help while we wait?”

    Guest: “Medication? I don’t have any medication.”

    Me: “Your allergies are so severe that you’re suffering an attack, despite not even being on the same floor as the person with the dog. Yet you don’t have anything to help treat your condition?”

    (The guest noticeably stops with all the coughing and gasping, and looks at me.)

    Me: “I myself suffer from pet allergies, albeit minor ones. Even I had to go in the back and take something when that man came to check in with his dog.”

    Guest: “So… you’re not going to give me a free suite?”

    Me: “The only ones currently available are on the third floor. If anything, you’d be exposing yourself to even greater danger by being in closer proximity to the dog.”

    Guest: “God f****** d*** it!”

    (The guest storms out, apparently now feeling much better.)

    Making A Spectacle Of Himself

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

    (I am a manager at a small sunglasses store in a mall. I am not currently in the store.)

    Customer: “Yo, clean these for me.”

    (He throws the glasses at the clerk.)

    Clerk: “Oh, okay. Here let me get a cloth and the cleaning spray.”

    (The glasses land on the ground because they were thrown.)

    Clerk: “Let me get those, and get them clean for y—”

    Customer: “B****, you wrecked my glasses! The icon’s missing; you owe me a brand new pair!”

    (Icons fit on the side of the glasses to jazz them up.)

    Clerk: “Sir, you threw your glasses at me. I didn’t even see if you had the icons. Let’s look and see if there’s one on the floor here.”

    (The clerk very patiently starts searching, even going so far as to get a broom and try and sweep under displays, just in case.)

    Customer: “You wrecked my glasses; give me a new pair now!”

    Clerk: “Sir, I can’t do that. Your glasses are right here; they’re fine. You know what? I’ll find you another pair of icons, on me, for the trouble.”

    (Icons cost $15 a pair. My staff know that we’d authorize them to take a loss on such a small item to make a customer’s day.)

    Customer: “B****, these were special order. I’m not leaving until you give me two pairs of these sunglasses to make up for you f****** up.”

    Clerk: “I’m not giving you any sunglasses. I offered you a free pair of icons. Don’t swear at me again, or I will call security and have you escorted out.”

    Customer: “Get your manager now, b****!”

    (I live across the street from the mall. My staff knows I’ll come over for any reason. My clerk calls me, and I can hear she’s almost crying. I tell her I’ll be there in 10 minutes. The clerk hangs up with me and tells the customer.)

    Customer: “I ain’t got 10 minutes to wait for some other b**** to get here. Give me two pairs of glasses to make up for this s***, NOW!”

    Clerk: “Look, I’m not giving you anything. I’ll tell you now, my manager’s not going to give you anything either. If you can’t wait for her, leave me your name and number, and I’ll have her call you.”

    Customer: “Alright, you tell that b**** to call me, and I’ll get my free glasses.”

    Clerk: “Alright, can I have your name and number?”

    Customer: “No, you can’t have my personal info. Who the f*** do you think you are?”

    Clerk: “I need your name and number if you want the manager to call you.”

    Customer: “Alright, you tell that b**** my name is Mutha-f**** Jones.”

    (The customer stomps out. I arrive a couple minutes later to an empty store, save for a shaken clerk.)

    Me: “Where’s the guy who’s freaking out?”

    Clerk: “He said he couldn’t wait, but you can call him to discuss it. Here’s his info.”

    (She hands me a card with his name on it.)

    Me: “Seriously?”

    Clerk: “Yep. Maybe you can call 411 and get them to look up Mr Jones for you.”

    Me: “I’ll get right on that.”

    (I look at the security footage, and am pretty sure he doesn’t have the icons to begin with. The crazy dude actually comes back. I call security and give him h*** for trying to scam my clerk.)

    Lying Is All Relative(s)

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (I am working in my father’s cafe. A customer orders a substantial amount of food.)

    Me: “Okay. That will be $36.19 please.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I’m the owner’s brother, so I get all of my food half price.”

    Me: “Um, okay. That will still be $36.19, sir.”

    Customer: “Excuse me! Do you know who I am!? Now ring my order up right, or I’ll get your purple-haired a** fired!”

    Me: “Okay, give me moment.”

    (I turn around to the grill line, where my father is cooking.)

    Me: “Hey, daddy! This guy says he’s my uncle, and if I don’t give him a discount you’ll fire my purple-haired a**. What should I do?”

    (I have never seen someone run out of a restaurant so fast in my life!)

    The Scam Doesn’t Fit The Bill

    | Waterville, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I’m working the counter during the breakfast shift. The customer pays with a $10 bill. I hand back the change.)

    Customer #1: “You shorted me $10; I gave you a $20!”

    Customer #2: “You did. I saw him; he paid with a $20.”

    Me: “Okay, let me check; just one moment.”

    (I go and grab the manager’s keys to open the drawer. I’m already suspicious, since Customer #2 was so quick to speak up. I pull out the entire cash drawer and shelf.)

    Me: “There aren’t any $20s in here.”

    (I hold up the shelf were we usually put the $20 bills, to show them it’s empty.)

    Customer #1: “Um, never mind…”

    (After they leave, it dawns on me that the manager had just moments before emptied my drawer of $20s. Thank goodness for that!)

    Too Much Black Coffee Puts You In The Red

    | AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (Because we get such a large volume of customers, we make large urns of regular coffee out in the dining area. This is so customers don’t need to come to us for refills, and we can focus on the espresso orders. It is early in the morning, before we get many people; an elderly man walks in.)

    Me: “Good morning, what can I get you, sir?”

    Customer: *snaps* “Hellooooo?! I want a stupid cup of coffee. Gimme a decaf!”

    Me: “Alright, would you like a large or a small?”

    Customer: “Well, I get free refills, don’t I?! I can just pay for a small and drink as much as I want, right?”

    (I am a little shocked at his frank dishonesty.)

    Me: “Yes, sir, we leave the pots accessible to the customers on good faith. It operates on an honor system; technically there is no rule to prevent you from taking advantage of that.”

    (He pays a little over a dollar for his mug, then takes a seat. It is still pretty slow, so we haven’t sold much coffee. In about 45 minutes he storms up to the counter.)

    Customer: “What the h*** is it with you people? Your decaf is empty! And all the milk and cream is empty now, too!”

    Me: “Wow. We had a fresh urn put out less than an hour ago, and we’ve had hardly any customers beside you. I wonder how it could be empty already?”

    Customer: “Well you said I could drink as much as I wanted!”

    Me: “You managed to drink that much?!”

    (I turn to my manager.)

    Me: “How much coffee do those things hold?”

    Manager: “The standard is thirty cups.”

    Customer: “I paid my freaking dollar for bottomless coffee, and I want my money’s worth!”

    Manager: “Sir, I believe you’ve had your money’s worth and then some. When you abuse the free refill system, we end up not having any coffee for customers who actually compensate us, and it cuts into our profits. I don’t know how you could possibly have room for more, but I think it’s time to cut you off.”

    Customer: “My dollar pays all of your salaries! Without people like me, you would go out of business!”

    Manager: “If all our customers took advantage like you, we wouldn’t be able to cover our overhead. You drank several times the value what you paid for, so we’ve only lost money on this transaction.”

    Customer: “It’s people like you who are ruining the economy! Thanks for the crappy service!”

    (He storms out.)

    Me: “Wow. I’d say he needs to switch to decaf, but apparently that’s not working out for him.”

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