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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Trouble Brewing, Part 4

    | Erie, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (We have a special offer on small 10oz draft beers from 8-11pm. A customer approaches the bar around midnight, which is when most other local bar specials end.)

    Me: “Hi there! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Let me get two double drafts.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, double drafts? Unfortunately, our drafts only come in the 16oz size.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll just have two [popular domestic brand] drafts, then.”

    Me: “Okay! That will be $5, please.”

    Customer: “How are they $5?!”

    Me: “Because they’re $2.50 apiece.”

    Customer: “Why aren’t they $0.25 apiece?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; that was our special from earlier this evening. The special runs from 8-11, only pertains to [unpopular and extremely-cheap beer], and they are served in the small 8oz mason jars. I explained that our regular drafts only come in the 16oz size, and you asked for [brand] which isn’t part of the special.”

    Customer: “Well, why the f*** didn’t you tell me that these weren’t on special when I ordered my first beers of the evening!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; were you misinformed on your previous round?”

    Customer: “No, this is my first round. It is your job as a bartender to inform me of the specials when I order. I would know; I manage [one of nearby town's college bars]!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, but as it was after the special had ended, and it is after other bars’ specials had ended, I don’t normally tell customers about specials that they can’t have.”

    Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! You can’t do your d*** job properly! I am NOT paying $5 for these two beers! If you were my employee at [other bar], I would fire you!”

    (I have been nothing but sweet and empathetic up until this point. Unfortunately for this kid, I have had quite enough.)

    Me: “That’s interesting, because I always assumed that if I were to work at [other bar], I would be under the supervision of [manager’s name], who has been a friend of mine for years. Anyone in this industry, if they even want the special, knows enough to ask if the special is still running, and what is included in the special. If you were truly the manager of a bar, or have ever bartended a day in your life, then you certainly should know that the manner in which you are speaking to me is in no way appropriate or acceptable. Now, would you like your two drafts for $5, or not?”

    Customer: “I… I… THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

    (My manager, who has been standing nearby and has heard everything, walks up.)

    Manager: “Listen, kid. You’ve not only been rude to my bartender, but she’s also proved that you’re a liar. The fact that she hasn’t had you removed for your behavior is a testament to her extreme patience and upbeat personality. Now, pay for your beers, or go back to [nearby town] and practice your ‘managerial skills’!”

    Customer: *slinks away*

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 3
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    A Wally With A Wallet

    | MD, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (Our area has recently been hit with a bunch of fraudulent credit cards. We’ve been advised to double check IDs and cards. My coworker is checking out a customer and asks to see his ID.)

    Customer: “What do you need to see my ID for?”

    Coworker: “We’ve been advised to check all IDs. Besides the back of your card says to check ID anyway, so…”

    Customer: “Well, I’m telling you I am not showing you my identity! This is ridiculous! Where’s your manager?”

    Me: “That would be me, sir. You’ll either have to show identification, or use another form of payment.”

    Customer: “Fine! Here!”

    (He tosses his entire wallet at me. I glance at the ID, which is out of state. The man in the picture is very obviously not the man in front of me. Furthermore, the card is in a woman’s name. I slide the ID to the side and notice that another ID is underneath; this ID is to another person! My coworker has noticed this, too. He ducks around the bend, and I hear him calling the police. I pretend to run the card through and have ‘technical problems’, stalling him long enough for the cops to get to our store. When they search him, they find another wallet on him with various cards. He’d been using stolen cards all day without anyone checking them!)

    Like His Pond, His Argument Is Shallow

    | UK | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Top

    (I work tech support for a manufacturer of pond equipment. My job is supposed to be explaining tech, and helping fix faults for our customers.)

    Customer: “Yeah… so, I have one of your outdoor pond pumps, but it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, actually I just don’t have the instructions for it, so I don’t know how to make it work. I know it’s self-cleaning, but I don’t know how to make it work.”

    (This is strange, as all products come with instructions. Also, though we do have self-cleaning pumps, they cost thousands of pounds. As a result, they are rarely used by the general public.)

    Me: “What model is it? Maybe I can email you our electronic copy.”

    Customer: “Thanks, man. It’s [four-year-old model number].”

    Me: “Okay, I’m sending you a copy of those instructions now. However, I should warn you that it’s not self-cleaning. It is, however, easy clean.”

    Customer: “What?! I only bought it because it was self-cleaning!”

    Me: “Well, easy clean is better than nothing, and it is a good pump. What did you have before?”

    Customer: “I had [five-year-old pump].”

    Me: “That’s still a good upgrade; let me know when you have the instructions.”

    (There is a pause as the customer checks his email.)

    Customer: “You screwed up man; this picture is all wrong!”

    Me: “Those are the instructions for [four-year-old model]. If it doesn’t look like that; you must have a different pump.”

    Customer: “No, man! The guy I bought it from said it was [four-year-old pump].”

    Me: “Who did you buy it from?”

    Customer: “Some guy online!”

    Me: “Do you think that maybe he lied?”

    (A lot of cursing ensues. Eventually, he starts describing the product. I quickly recognize it as a very old product of ours.)

    Me: “I think I know what you have, sir. It’s actually a [10-year-old product]. Let me just send you the instructions.”

    Customer: “That’s it, man! Is that one self-cleaning too?”

    Me: “Sir, that one’s not even easy clean. You’ve just significantly downgraded your system.”

    Customer: “S*** man! This is bull-s***! What the h*** am I supposed to do with this s***?!”

    Me: “If I were you, sir, I’d look into getting your money back from the seller you purchased your pump from. I’d also reinstall your old pump into your pond.”

    Customer: “F*** that s***! Give me my f****** money back! It’s your pump! You f****** fix it!”

    Me: “Sir, I work technical support for the manufacturer of that pump. We haven’t made them in years, and we haven’t sold them in years. You did not buy it from us, nor do you have any kind of guarantee with us. If you had come to a store for your needs, rather than under-cutting us all by going online for the cheapest deal, we could have told you exactly what you were buying. Instead, you bought an unknown product from an unknown source, with no protection or research. That is entirely on you, buddy. It is not my fault.”

    (There is a long pause before the line goes dead.)

    He’s Not Taking Lying, Lying Down

    | Norway | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (I work as a second line support, mostly dealing with emails from clients. One client is so nasty to my first line phone-support coworker, that she just cannot deal with him anymore. She begs me to take the call.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [name]. I was told you had some questions about the legal binding of your contract, and therefore you were transferred to me. Would you please clarify what the issue is here?”

    Client: “THIS F****** CHICK ON THE PHONE SAID THERE WOULD BE A F****** FEE IF I CHANGE MY PHONE PROVIDER! SHE’S F****** LYING! I WAS NEVER INFORMED THAT THIS—”

    (He trails off and just screams profanities. I remain silent until he finally calms down.)

    Client: “…um, hello?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I am still here. However, as we will not be able to resolve anything while you are screaming at me, I figured I’d wait until you were finished. Anyway, from what I’ve gathered, you are upset that cancelling your contract will result in a cancellation fee?”

    Client: “YES! I already changed provider, and you guys sent me the bill! I WAS NOT INFORMED!”

    Me: “Well, sir, did you receive your information text? It can sometimes be hard to get all the information from—”

    Client: “I DID NOT GET A TEXT! I WAS NOT INFORMED!”

    (I decide to pull up his actual contract, to check what information he actually received. I go quiet for a bit.)

    Client: “…um, hello?”

    Me: “Sir, I just pulled up your contract here. You are one of our few clients who actually got your contract from one of our sales reps, on paper. Normally, they are given electronically over email or text. But you got the full contract, complete with all the information about our terms, on paper. You wrote down your details yourself, and signed it. How were you not informed?”

    Client: “It did not say there were a cancellation fee!”

    Me: “Yes, it does. Right under where you put down the phone numbers you wanted the agreement for. Where it also says how long you have to stay with us before you can change provider without the fee.”

    Client: “But… I didn’t agree with that!”

    Me: “You filled out the contract, checked of the box that said you had read, understood, and agreed to our terms of agreement, and signed the document.”

    Client: “But… I didn’t read the terms of agreement!”

    Me: “But you signed that you did.”

    Client: “Well… but… You people should know that I was lying! I AM NOT PAYING THIS STUPID BILL!” *hangs up*

    His Tone Requires A Gear Shift

    | UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (My uncle owns a chain of bike shops. We’re having a meal with my grandparents, and have gathered at the shop waiting for my cousin to finish his shift. An obnoxious customer is giving him trouble.)

    Customer: “You are useless! Do you even know anything about bikes?”

    Cousin: “When I’m not here, I race them.”

    Customer: “Don’t take that tone with me!”

    Cousin: “I wasn’t trying to take any tone—”

    Customer: “Do you know who I am?! I’m the owner’s brother, and I will have you fired!”

    (I am unable to contain myself, and turn to my brother.)

    Me: “Did you hear that, bro? We’ve got another uncle!”

    Customer: “…What?”

    (The customer turns to see the crowd of us waiting.)

    Dad: “I have another brother?”

    Granddad: *to my grandmother* “Was this while I was away at sea? How could you?”

    Grandmother: “All the jokes about a child in every port, and you were hiding THIS?”

    Customer: “I… er…”

    Uncle: “Well you don’t need to ring me; I’m here already! What has my son done this time?”

    (The customer runs out. My dad starts shouting after him in a bad Italian accent.)

    Dad: “You don’t a messa with the family!”

    Grandmother: *to my granddad* “Well that one’s definitely yours.”

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