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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    I’m Afraid I Can’t Allow You To Speak To Dave

    | Manchester, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers

    (I work in the debt recovery department of a national mail order company. The department is small, and the only white men are our senior managers, neither of whom are connected to the telephone system in any way. All the other men are Asian, and have traditional Asian names. I am female, and have quite a high-pitched voice. About half an hour after dealing with a perfectly nice, male customer, he calls back and gets me again.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! You’re speaking to [My Name] again. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *yelling* “I was talking to Dave earlier, and he’s completely f***** everything up!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir; you must be mistaken. You spoke to me earlier, and your payment plan was sorted out. We agreed to—”

    Customer: “I’ve never spoken to you! I spoke to Dave! I want you to transfer me to him so he can sort this s*** out!”

    Me: “Sir, please refrain from swearing. I can assure you, you did not speak to ‘Dave.’ There is no one here by that name. You spoke to me at [time] this afternoon.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a f****** liar?”

    Me: “Sir, please stop using language like that, otherwise I will have to terminate this call. I think you might be mistaking us for another company you may have called today. Not only is there no-one called ‘Dave,’ but my user ID is the only one to access your account in the last month, and I recall speaking to you earlier.”

    (The customer starts screaming so loud, I turn the volume down on my headset. My colleagues are getting distracted by the noise, and even my manager is peering over at me. Eventually he stops for breath.)

    Me: “Sir, there is no point in me lying to you, as you clearly don’t believe me. Why would I make my life and yours difficult by continuing to ‘lie’ to you? Also, the idea that I could be mistaken for a man is… Well, I don’t even…”

    (At this point, my colleagues are all either laughing, or trying not to because they’re on the phone to other customers. My manager’s eyes have gone wide.)

    Manager: “Hang up, and I’ll call him back.”

    (I do as I’m told. Two minutes later, my manager comes over, grinning widely.)

    Manager: “He admitted straight away he might have been wrong, and paid up.”

    More Than You Bargained For, Part 5

    | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    Customer: “Just this DVD please.”

    Me: “Okay, that will be $5.35.”

    Customer: “No, I found this in the $3 DVD bin; it’s $3!”

    (There are two DVD bins, one for $5 DVDs, and one for $3 ones. All DVDs have a sticker clearly showing their price.)

    Me: “Well, sir, it could have been placed their by another customer, but it is still $5.”

    Customer: “That is bull-s***! I don’t care what another customer did! I found it in the $3 bin, and I want it for $3!”

    Me: “Sir, if you found a $3 DVD in that $5 bin, would you pay $5 for it?”

    Customer: “F*** no! That’s stupid! Why would you—” *light bulb goes on* “—well, this is still bull-s***!”

    Related:
    More Than You Bargained For, Part 4
    More Than You Bargained For, Part 3
    More Than You Bargained For, Part 2
    More Than You Bargained For

    Barking Up The Wrong Family Tree

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (Note: I am a teenager.)

    Me: “Hey, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “I have these gift cards, and I would like to exchange them for cash.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I cant do that. It’s store policy, as gift cards have no monetary value.”

    (People are starting to line up behind the customer, and they are starting to get noticeably agitated, having to wait.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any idea who you’re speaking to?”

    Me: “Not even a clue.”

    Customer: “My father owns this store! Now give me my money, or I’ll have you fired!”

    (The owner of the store is in the back, so I call him out.)

    Me: “Boss, your daughter’s here to see you!”

    Boss: “Daughter? I don’t have a daughter.”

    (The customer’s face is growing red, and the people behind her start to laugh. I can tell she wants to run away, but she’s in too deep. My boss comes to the front to see what’s going on. My boss is an Indian man in his 60′s.)

    Boss: “What are you talking about?”

    Me: “This lady right here.”

    (The white customer in her early 20s dips her head, and runs out of the store.)

    Boss: “Maybe she forgot where her dad’s store is?”

    Pulling Hair As Well As A Fast One

    , | Raunds, England, UK | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m 10 years old. I am helping my father out at his takeaway, being the ‘cashier’. We are Asian. A white customer in her thirties walks in, and orders some food. I call my dad’s friend to make it, and he does. He brings it out and leaves.)

    Me: “Okay, miss, that will be £30.00.”

    Customer: “What? Oh no, darling; I’m the old owner’s daughter! I get my food for free!”

    Me: “£30.00.”

    Customer: “FREE. Give me my food for free, sweetheart.”

    Me: “Please pay £30.00.”

    Customer: “Dearie, I get it for free. My father—bless him, he’s 60 now—is the owner, and lets me have it for free! Give it to me!”

    Me: “I don’t believe my father is 60; he is only 40. And we are Asian; you are a White person. Now, please pay for your food, or I will be forced to call the police.”

    Customer: “You cheeky lying little brat!”

    (She grabs my hair, and pulls hard.)

    Customer: “Give me my free food now! Or I’ll spank your bum so hard you will die! You’re just a worthless teenager trying to earn money you don’t deserve!”

    Me: “Daddy! Daddy! A lady’s got my hair, and she says you’re her daddy, and, and, gets f-food for free!”

    (My dad runs in.)

    Dad: “Stop! She’s only 10! You’re hurting her! I will call the police!”

    (The customer goes pale, and runs out the door. I’ve not been back there in two years.)

    Trouble Brewing, Part 4

    | Erie, PA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (We have a special offer on small 10oz draft beers from 8-11pm. A customer approaches the bar around midnight, which is when most other local bar specials end.)

    Me: “Hi there! What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Let me get two double drafts.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, double drafts? Unfortunately, our drafts only come in the 16oz size.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll just have two [popular domestic brand] drafts, then.”

    Me: “Okay! That will be $5, please.”

    Customer: “How are they $5?!”

    Me: “Because they’re $2.50 apiece.”

    Customer: “Why aren’t they $0.25 apiece?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; that was our special from earlier this evening. The special runs from 8-11, only pertains to [unpopular and extremely-cheap beer], and they are served in the small 8oz mason jars. I explained that our regular drafts only come in the 16oz size, and you asked for [brand] which isn’t part of the special.”

    Customer: “Well, why the f*** didn’t you tell me that these weren’t on special when I ordered my first beers of the evening!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; were you misinformed on your previous round?”

    Customer: “No, this is my first round. It is your job as a bartender to inform me of the specials when I order. I would know; I manage [one of nearby town's college bars]!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, but as it was after the special had ended, and it is after other bars’ specials had ended, I don’t normally tell customers about specials that they can’t have.”

    Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! You can’t do your d*** job properly! I am NOT paying $5 for these two beers! If you were my employee at [other bar], I would fire you!”

    (I have been nothing but sweet and empathetic up until this point. Unfortunately for this kid, I have had quite enough.)

    Me: “That’s interesting, because I always assumed that if I were to work at [other bar], I would be under the supervision of [manager’s name], who has been a friend of mine for years. Anyone in this industry, if they even want the special, knows enough to ask if the special is still running, and what is included in the special. If you were truly the manager of a bar, or have ever bartended a day in your life, then you certainly should know that the manner in which you are speaking to me is in no way appropriate or acceptable. Now, would you like your two drafts for $5, or not?”

    Customer: “I… I… THIS ISN’T FAIR!”

    (My manager, who has been standing nearby and has heard everything, walks up.)

    Manager: “Listen, kid. You’ve not only been rude to my bartender, but she’s also proved that you’re a liar. The fact that she hasn’t had you removed for your behavior is a testament to her extreme patience and upbeat personality. Now, pay for your beers, or go back to [nearby town] and practice your ‘managerial skills’!”

    Customer: *slinks away*

    Related:
    Trouble Brewing, Part 3
    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

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