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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Aging Badly

    | Exeter, England, UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a cinema. One evening on my break, I see my husband’s 13-year-old cousin hanging around outside. I have a feeling that she’s trying to get into a 15-rated film, so when I go back on shift, I tell everybody else I know she’s under 15. She eventually goes to my manager’s till, so I go over.)

    Me: “Don’t sell her a ticket to Silent Hill. She’s my husband’s cousin; I know she’s 13.”

    Manager: “Okay, thanks.”

    (My cousin approaches. She doesn’t seem to recognize me.)

    Cousin: “I’d like tickets for Silent Hill, please.”

    Manager: “I’m afraid you cannot get a ticket for the film. You are not over 15.”

    Cousin: “What the f***?! I’m f****** 15; don’t f****** listen to her! What the f*** does she know? I want to watch the f****** film!”

    Manager: “You’re not old enough to watch it; we know you’re not. Can you move to the side, so I can serve someone else?”

    Cousin: “F*** you! You don’t know s***! I’m watching the f****** film!”

    (My manager goes to my cousin’s friends, who are waiting to the side.)

    Manager: “I’m happy for you guys to watch the film; you’ve got your ID with you, so it’s fine. Your friend can’t watch the film because she’s not old enough.” *to my husband’s cousin* “I’m asking you to leave, and to stop swearing.”

    Cousin: “I’m not f****** swearing!”

    Manager: “Or I can call the police to have you removed? Choice is yours.”

    (She hasn’t stepped foot in the cinema since. That Christmas, she came round to my husband’s parents’ house while we were there. As soon as she saw me, she practically fled the room, because the penny finally dropped!)

    The Real Government Would Take Your Money

    | AL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a federal airport operations center, answering the phones.)

    Me: “This is the TSA Coordination Center for [Airport]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “This is the federal government calling to tell you that you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant.”

    Me: “The federal government?”

    Caller: “Yes, you’ve won a $5000 dollar grant!”

    Me: “This is the TSA coordination center; a government operated center. Who is this? What’s a good call-back number?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    (The phone line for the next number in sequence starts ringing. Guess who it was?)

    The Customer Might Not Be Telling The Whole Tooth

    | Farmington, NM, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Welcome to [Pizza Restaurant]! Did you already have an order?”

    Customer: “No. Well sort of; I have a complaint for a pizza I just got.”

    Me: “Okay, I’m the manager on duty at the moment. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Well, I just got this pizza, and I bit into it, and, well, there was a tooth in it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, a tooth?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it looked like it was cooked. It’s real black.”

    (The area I live in has a meth abuse problem, as well as a lower than average annual income, so dental hygiene is not a strength of this particular community. As the customer is talking, I notice he has several rotten and black teeth, as well as several missing.)

    Me: “Um, okay. Do you have the pizza and, erm, tooth with you?”

    (He hands the pizza and tooth to me. The tooth indeed looks very blackened, though obviously not from cooking. I excuse myself to let the owner know the situation, and I enter his office at the time he is on the phone.)

    Owner: “No, ma’am, we don’t have security cameras outside the store. Did you let anyone know you had fallen? So you decided it wasn’t an issue over two years ago when you did slip and fall on our sidewalk, but suddenly it’s a problem for you? Well, I’m sorry, but without some sort of proof that you fell on our property, there isn’t much we can do for you. Very well, you can have your lawyer contact ours. Have a good day.”

    (The owner hangs up and looks at me.)

    Owner: “Your problem can’t possibly be worse than the lady I just dealt with. She claims she injured herself a few winters ago by slipping on ice on the sidewalk.”

    Me: “I think you’d be surprised.”

    He’s The Best Actor Of The Bunch

    | TN, USA | Holidays, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s mid-September. I’m helping my parents with their haunted house by working in the concessions stand. For the past few years, a customer has gone through and come back out blackened and bruised and sues us, claiming one of our actors hit him. While he has never won a case due to lack of evidence, the trials themselves drain away anywhere from $500-$1000 of our income. We ban him the year before, but this year after, he comes back and we’re sure it’s to try his scam again. The cashier is new and doesn’t know his face, so she goes ahead and sells him a ticket. After that he walks up to the stand where my coworker and I are.)

    Customer: “Man, just starting the season, and you guys are already this busy? I bet you’ll be rich before the year is over.”

    Coworker: “Yeah… I get a feeling not as much as we should since you’re here.”

    Customer: “Aw come on; I can’t help it that your employees are all brutes and bullies. Anyway, I’m going to go ahead and go in, take care!”

    (My coworker looks ready to call security; I tap her on the shoulder and shake my head, watching as the man goes through.)

    Coworker: “Why did you do that? You know what he’s going to do.”

    (I give my best slasher smile.)

    Me: “We bought security cameras this year.”

    (Sure enough, he makes another attempt at his scam. The camera catches him goading an actor into attacking him, and when they don’t fall for it, he walks out of sight of people, but still where cameras are. He bashes his arm and head against the wall until he bruises. When he tries to sue, we let him take to us to court and show the camera footage. The case is dropped immediately, and we counter-sue him for roughly three times the cost of being taken to court, very nearly making up all the money he has scammed out of us in the years past.)

    Little Console-ation In This Situation

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (Two customers stumble in the doors a bit drunk. They proceed to knock display cases off of a few shelves and even disrupt a display stand. It all seems to be accidental, so I let them be. My coworker just cleans up behind them. Finally, they come up to the counter.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, we were looking to buy a Playstation 3, an Xbox, and an extra controller for each, and all new.”

    Me: “Ooh, lots of games to catch up on, huh?”

    Customer #2: “No, we’re just gonna—”

    Customer #1: “DUDE! It’s a secret man; you can’t blow it!”

    Customer #2: “OH DUDE! Sorry, man!”

    (I’m a little confused, but I ring them up and see them off. An hour later, they come back in with the torn, destroyed boxes.)

    Customer #1: “Hey man, these don’t work. We want our money back.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s unfortunate. Let me open everything up and see if I can figure out why they didn’t work.”

    (The objects inside are CLEARLY not the systems I just sold them. They are older versions of each console, beaten up and broken. One is even missing the wires that come with it.)

    Me: “These are not the ones I sold you. I couldn’t even take these as trade-in; they’re in terrible condition.”

    Customer #2: “S***! AND WE ALREADY SOLD THE OTHER ONES TO—”

    Customer #1: “Uh… well our new ones were just stolen from our car, actually. So we’d like a refund or like, a free game.”

    Customer #2: “That’s not gonna WORK, man! We should just go, man. Before they call somebody!

    Customer #1: “UH… Well we’re gonna file a report with the police and we’ll be RIGHT back!”

    (They walk out the door, leaving me and my coworker stunned.)

    Coworker: “There is no way that just happened…”

    Me: “Is there a hidden camera here? This can’t be real life…”

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