Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

Didn’t Do Their Homework

| Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(This particular theme park allows free admittance for children under two. We get parents coming up to the entrance all the time saying their three-year-old is two. A guest strolls up to me with their obviously 11-year-old son.)

Me: “Hello there, how are you today?”

Guest: *doesn’t answer and proceeds to present only his ticket media*

Me: “And does the child have a ticket?”

Guest: “No, he’s only two.”

Me: *to guest* “Sir, he is clearly not two years old.”

Guest: “Oh, yeah? Go ahead and ask him!

Me: “You mean I have permission to ask your son how old he is?”

Guest: *with a smart-alecky attitude* “Yes, go ahead. See what he tells you.”

Me: *smiles to child guest* “Son, do you like getting homework?”

Child Guest: “No, I hate homework.”

Me: *to adult guest* “Sir, two-year-old children don’t get homework. He needs a ticket and there is the ticket purchasing counter over there.”

Scammed Out Of Trans-cendentals

| USA | Criminal/Illegal, Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Money

(I’m working at a hotel for the first time by myself late at night. A strange-looking customer walks in. I assume she’s a woman by her dress and heels she wears.)

Strange Customer: *in a strangely deep voice* “Hello, I’d like a room, if you don’t mind… here’s my ID and credit card.”

(She hands them to me. I run it through.)

Me: “Sorry, it’s declined.”

Strange Customer: *strangely unsurprised* “Oh, I’ve been using it all day; probably I’m at my limit! Let me call my bank.”

(She makes a phone call that I can’t hear. I sense something amiss, and quickly photocopy her ID. She turns back to me.)

Strange Customer: “My bank says it’s all right now.”

Me: *running it again* “It still says declined.”

Strange Customer: “Oh, no sweetie, all you have to do is put in this code…”

(She says a code and baffled, I type it in, doubting it will work. To my shock, it does, and the credit card goes through.)

Me: “Okay… well. Here’s your keys and sign the reg card…”

(I give her back the card and ID, and she saunters off. I think nothing of it until the next week, when a police officer comes by.)

Officer: “Yes I need to talk to you about this guy.” *holds up photocopy of ID*

Me: “Oh yeah… I remember… wait a minute, ‘he’?”

Officer: “Yes. Did he have a disguise?”

Me: “Yes, he was dressed as a woman!”

My Boss: “Come on, [My Name] that is clearly a man in the picture!”

Me: “I know, I just thought that he was a really ugly woman…”

Act Of Misdirection

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV

(I am volunteering and have been assigned to a small cinema for a South African film where the director is appearing. My job is to guard the seats reserved for VIPs.)

Customer: “Listen, do I really have to sit in these seats so far back?”

Me: “Sorry, but these are reserved for VIP personnel only. However, if there are still free seats when the movie starts, then we can see about seating you here.”

Customer: “Look, the director of the film gave me tickets himself!” *folds arms for dramatic effect and looks sternly at me*

Me: “Err… isn’t the director a woman?”

(The customer quickly looks nervous and drains of colour. They scuttle back to their seat quickly.)

Owning The Conversation

| USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(The customer is in her early 20s.)

Customer: “Why can’t you sell me what I want?”

Me: “Because we ran out of muffins.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough. Make some more.”

Me: “We cannot do that as we’re closing in an hour. You can come in tomorrow”.

Customer: “I’m the owner’s daughter. Call him.”

(The original owner is a 60 year old man who has just transferred his business to one of his daughters. He has a second daughter, Sarah, who I never met and don’t know what she looks like.)

Me: “You mean the last owner?”

Customer: “No, the current one.”

Me: “Then it’s not possible.”

Customer: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “Well, the current owner is 27 years old.”

Customer: “Oh, then I’m her sister.”

Me: “You’re Sarah?”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “Okay, I don’t think so. You’re not related. Come back tomorrow for muffins.”

Customer: “D***. This worked at one store at least. That was a year ago..”

Me: “…”

Race And Relations

| Nashville, TN, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I’m working as a server in my family’s restaurant. It’s important to note that I’m half-black, but can pass for being a tan white. A group I’m serving flag me down.)

Customer: “Hey, I got a complaint about you.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “My wife and I’ve been finished for ten minutes and those white people over at the other table got their checks and their table cleaned and we still haven’t even gotten ours.”

(I look down at their table, I checked up on them not five minutes ago to ask for the check and they said they weren’t done, and they haven’t eaten much more. Meanwhile the customers they’re talking about had cleaned their plates.)

Customer: “You think we’re gonna pay at all, much less tip, for such a discriminatory business? Forget it. We want to talk to your manager and get your racist a** fired.”

Me: “Sir… I’ll do you one better. Want me to get the owner?”

(The customer grins smugly and nods.)

Me: “Hey, Dad!”

(My dad, who is unmistakably black, came up to the table. Upon seeing him, the customer looked at me and registered that I’m not just really tan, and just kind of sank into his bench while his wife, who had just looked embarrassed at this ordeal, burst out laughing. My dad at least got a good laugh out of it – immediately before he banned the guy from the restaurant for trying to use the race card to snag a free meal.)

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