November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Liars & Scammers

Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

This Is Not A Drill

| Grand Island, NE, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers

(I’m at the service desk, finishing a battery replacement for a regular customer’s hearing aids. We’re having our normal chit chat; he loves talking about his grandkids. A woman enters, comes to the desk, and starts complaining immediately.)

Woman: “I don’t have this kind of time! Why are you doing his job? I need service.”

Me: “We always offer battery replacement.” *as I say this, I finish the replacements* “Okay, sir, you’re good to go! I’ll let [Cashier] know you’ve paid already. Have a nice night.”

Man: “Thank you. You get everything done so nicely.” *he heads out*

Woman: “Finally! My drill is broken. I want my replacement.”

Me: “Okay, let me see the drill and we can go from there.”

(She slams a drill from another chain onto the desk; it has a smashed battery pack.)

Woman: “There! It’s broken.”

Me: “This drill isn’t from here, and—”

Woman: “F****** liar! I want your manager!”

Me: *sees manager walking over due to her fuss* “Sure. Hey, [Manager], this customer wants to speak to you.”

Woman: “This b**** won’t replace my drill! I can’t use that one to hammer nails into concrete now.”

Manager: “Say what?”

Woman: “I need to hammer nails into my basement walls. This drill broke. How is that hard to understand? Give me my replacement!”

Manager: “First, that’s not a drill we sell. Second, our replacement guarantee only applies when the tool is used properly. It’s not a hammer, so it’s broken from misuse. Even if it was ours, we wouldn’t process a replacement.”

Woman: “How the f*** am I supposed to know I can’t use this as a hammer?! I’ll go get my own free replacement!”

Manager: “Okay. I’ll call the police.”

Woman: “F*** you! I ain’t violating my parole for you!” *she storms out*

Cashier: *over radio* “Um. Did that really just happen?”

(Two hours later, she returns with a drill now spray painted yellow. The cashier immediately gets the manager.)

Woman: “See! This is your drill! Give me my f****** replacement, you c***!” *slams drill and paint covered hand on counter*

Manager: “It still says [Brand] and the paint is coming off on your hand. Leave now; you’re now prohibited from coming in.”

Woman: “You can’t prove who I am.”

Manager: “Cameras are above you. Your fingerprints are on the counter. You have unique tattoos. You’re on parole. Pretty sure we can track you.”

(Customer ran out, and hasn’t returned.)

The Mother Of All Lies

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(I work for a rental company and overhear one of our managers informing a woman in her 40s that to add her mother as a driver it’ll cost an extra $10 a day unless it’s her spouse.)

Woman: “I don’t want to pay an extra $10! I want to add my wife onto the add drivers area, then.”

Manager: “Uh, what?”

Woman: “What? Isn’t gay marriage legal in Indiana?!”

Manager: “Yes, gay marriage is legal. However, you just told me that she was your mother.”

Woman: “No! She is my gay lover and we have been married for two years!”

(Awkward silence.)

Manager: “I would not be able to do that since you have just blatantly lied.”

(The woman stormed out.)

They Are Streets Ahead Of Your Scam

| LA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(This is back when pizza shops had a “30 minutes or less” delivery guarantee. An order comes in for a pizza and a drink to be delivered to East 4th Street. I get to the address in plenty of time and it’s the wrong house.)

Me: *calling the office* “Can I just verify the address?”

Office: “Yeah, it’s East 4th Street.”

Me: “That’s where I went and it was the wrong house. Can you call the customer to verify the address?”

(The customer verifies that the address is East 4th Street. I knock on a few doors to no avail, give up and drive back to the office. I check the map and find an East 4th LANE. On a hunch, I head over there. Sure enough, it’s the customer.)

Me: “That will be [total].”

Customer: *arguing* “No way! You’re late and I want the order for free.”

Me: “Afraid not, as it’s your fault for repeatedly giving us the wrong address.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah? Want to come inside and ‘talk about it?!’”

Me: “I don’t think so. Are you going to pay me or not?”

(He refused. I flipped open the pizza box, grabbed a slice, and started eating it in front of him, turned and got in my car and head back to the office! When I got there, I told the boss what I did and he told me that I will have to pay for that order. It cost me $1.00 and that was the last I heard about it.)

Shouldn’t Count On A Discount

| Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

Customer: “[My Name] always gives me a deal on these.”

Me: “I’m [My Name].”

Customer: “Are you sure? Is there another [My Name]?”

Me: “No, I’m the only one. Yes, I’m sure that’s my name.”

Customer: “…So, can I get a discount?”

Failed The Name Game

| TAS, Australia | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(The coffee shop I work in has loyalty cards that we can scan, which will come up with the customer’s name on the screen. On this particular day, an elderly man in his mid-60s comes in to buy a coffee and then gives me his loyalty card to scan. After I’ve scanned it, I look at the name on the screen…)

Me: “Sir, are you sure this is your card?”

Customer: “Absolutely, why?”

Me: “Well, you just don’t look like a Penelope to me.”