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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Won’t Get To Hear The High Notes

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Wild & Unruly

    (I work event security for part time work. Usually it’s pretty mellow, and I just tell people they can’t bring in outside food and beverages. This event is a huge dub-step concert, and it is widely known that most people will try to sneak ‘stuff’ (like drugs) in by the strangest ways. There are a few giveaways when we think someone is trying to sneak stuff in. I notice a tall, skinny guy in his early 20s walking a bit off and see that his eyes are bloodshot.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How are you doing today?”

    Guest: “Uh, I’m fine…”

    (The guest pauses and starts walking away with a worried look on his face.)

    Me: “Hold on one second. I noticed you were walking a bit off. Are you doing all right?”

    Guest: “Oh, yeah, haha. I’m okay, I guess. It’s just hot, and uh, yeah.” *continues to try to walk away*

    Me: “Just out of curiosity, you wouldn’t happen to be trying to hide any contraband to bring inside the venue, would you?”

    Guest: “Pft! F*** no. F*** that s***. F*** you for assuming that. Is it because I’m white?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m white, too… Since you don’t have anything on you, you wouldn’t mind if one of our K-9 units sniffed you, right?”

    Guest: *still looking worried* “I don’t have to f****** do that! F*** you, lady!”

    Me: “And I don’t have to let you in. Here’s what I’m going to do. Whatever it is you have on you, give it up now, all of it, and I’ll let you go into the venue with no consequences. If you do not give it up right now, I can have you arrested for possession. This is your only free pass. Take it or leave it. Which will it be?”

    (I see him contemplating this, which is just another give-away.)

    Guest: “I don’t have nothin’ on me, b****, so take that.”

    (At this point I have him step off to the side while an officer with a K-9 unit comes over.)

    Me: “Last chance for a free pass, man. All you have to do is surrender whatever it is you are hiding, and I’ll let you go in and have fun. You paid a lot of money to come here. Is it worth not going in just to hold onto some stuff?”

    Guest: “F*** you, b****. I don’t have nothin’ on me. I just want to go inside and have fun.”

    Me: *sigh*

    (Almost as soon as the K-9 gets near us, he makes his motions and sounds indicating he is picking something up.)

    Officer: “Sir, what do you have on you?”

    Guest: “F*** off, a**hole. I just want to go inside.”

    Officer: “I know you have something. Do you want me to find it the easy way or the hard way?”

    Me: *puts on latex gloves, dramatically snapping the wrist as if I’m ready for a cavity search*

    Guest: “Oh, you mean like drugs? Yeah, I forgot I lent these shorts to a friend, and he, uh, must have left some stuff in the pockets without me remembering. I don’t do that s***.”

    (The officer and I look at each other, rolling our eyes and trying not to laugh.)

    Officer: “Sir, can you empty your pockets, please?”

    (The guest reaches into the back of his shorts, pulls a small baggie from his rectum containing packaged heroin, Molly, Ecstasy, and cocaine, throws it at me, and tries to walk away. The officer and I stop him.)

    Guest: “WHAT THE F***, YOU B****! YOU SAID I COULD F****** GO IN IF I GAVE YOU THE F****** DRUGS!”

    Me: “Yes, and you denied that you had anything. I let you know that if you didn’t give it up, you would be arrested for possession.”

    Guest: “I JUST GAVE IT UP, B****!”

    Me: “After your free pass expired…”

    (He continued to curse at me while the officer and I walked him over to the security tent to get booked. We let him know he would not be arrested, but that he was no longer allowed to enter the venue, that his ticket would be confiscated, that he would be walked off the property, and that if he was found back on the property he WOULD be arrested for trespassing. I walked him off the property as he continually mumbled that I was a ‘f****** b****.’ Since I’m a female, the officer trailed behind to make sure I didn’t have any more problems. I started to walk back in when the guest runs up behind me, and punches me square across the face. Only seconds later, the dog was on him. All I got was a bruise on my cheek and a laugh about his stupidity. He got arrested for trespassing, assaulting me, and for the smorgasbord of drugs that were currently in his system.)

    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 6

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m on the floor helping a customer in our perfume department. She picks up two full sized perfume boxes and heads up to the registers. The line is long, so I follow her up and ring the line down. Finally, she approaches my register.)

    Me: “Hi, again. Decided to just get the perfumes?”

    Customer: “Huh? No. I need to return these.”

    Me: *turns the perfume around and point to the soft sensors on the back of the boxes* “Seriously?”

    (The customer finally looks at me and I can see the instant she recognizes me.)

    Customer: “Oh… uh… forget it.” *runs out of the store*

    Related:
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 5
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 4
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 3
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2
    Past The Point Of No Return

    Probably Also Watched The Simple Life

    | Sanford, FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Religion

    Me: “Hi. This is [My Name] calling with [Company] regarding savings on the electric bill. May I please speak with [Customer]?”

    Customer: “WE’RE AMISH! WE DON’T HAVE ELECTRICITY!”

    Me: “But you have a phone?”

    Customer: “We sometimes have phones at the end of our properties for emergencies! You’d know that if you watched Amish Mafia!”

    Me: “So, you also have a TV?”

    (*click*)

    Contains Refunds Not Suitable For A Younger Audience

    | Surrey, England, UK | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV

    (My colleague has kicked out a pair of boys from a 15-rated film. Managers have stated to us in the past that screen jumpers do not get refunds.)

    Boy: “We want our money back!”

    Colleague: “I’ll talk to the manager.”

    (My colleague goes behind the concession stand for a couple of minutes and comes out.)

    Colleague: “My manager says he will not be issuing you a refund.”

    Boy: “Then let us back into our film!”

    Colleague: “No.”

    (My colleague leaves me standing on gate with these boys.)

    Boy: “Why can’t you let us back in?”

    Me: “You’ve broken the contract you signed by buying a ticket, which states that refunds are not issued, that you will go to the film on your ticket and not into one you’ve been refused entry to, and you’ve broken the trust in our staff that you will keep your deal.”

    Boy: “Well, we’re not leaving until we get our money back.”

    Me: “You’ve broken your side of the bargain. We have a zero tolerance policy against people who run between screens for any reason and thus we will not be issuing you a refund. Your threat can be seen as harassment, and at this point your only options are to leave this building, or go home escorted by the police. I really don’t mind which.”

    (The boys hesitate, and then run off!)

    Stamping Out Stamp Fraud

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer and his two teenage children come into the store at the beginning of every month, when they get their food stamps. We don’t sell a lot of food – being a drugstore – but we have basic essentials like bread and milk, and also candy. Every month, they would spend their food stamps on the most expensive candy we have. A few days later, they would return it, without the receipt, which rewards them with a store gift card. They would then use the gift card to get things they really wanted. It takes several months of the same cashier/manager combination to figure this scam out, because they try to buy and return from different cashiers at different times of the day. When we finally catch on, the next time they try to return items for a gift card, they were informed that we would NOT be giving them a gift card, nor accepting the return.)

    Customer: “Why not!? I return things here all the time! I’m a regular customer!”

    Manager: “You are returning food items that you bought with food stamps in order to get non-food items for free. That is a violation of the terms of the food stamp program. Goodbye.”

    Customer: *as he and his children are stomping off* “Well, we are NEVER coming here again!”

    (It was only three weeks until they were in the store again! Way to teach your children, Dad!)


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