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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    The Joke Is On (And In) Him

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a party and joke item store. Our policy for backpacks is you have to leave them at the front door, no matter what. I stop three kids as they enter.)

    Me: “Excuse me, you have to leave your backpack at the front by the door.”

    (Two of the kids put their bags up front. The third pretends he didn’t hear me.)

    Me: “You have to put your backpack up front.”

    Kid: “What? Why? Someone’s going to steal it if I leave it up front.”

    Me: “I doubt anyone will want your backpack, but if it bothers you that much, write your name on a slip of paper and I’ll attach it to the bag.”

    Kid: “F*** no. I’m not going to steal anything. You a**holes always think I’m going to steal something.”

    Me: “The policy is that you put your bag up front. No one is immune to that policy. I don’t care if you’re an elderly man with a bag of candy; you still put it up front.”

    Kid: “Man…”

    (The kid gets annoyed and drops his bag at the door, and then stomps off after his friends. Thirty minutes later, he comes back.)

    Kid: “See? I didn’t steal s***!”

    (As soon as the kid picks his bag up, a plastic knife drops from his pants pocket, along with a pirate’s gold tooth, and a rubber mask slides halfway from under his shirt.)

    Check Out With A Check

    | Fort Lauderdale, FL, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a small, boutique hotel. At about 6:15 am, a guest comes up to the desk to check out.)

    Me: “How was your stay, ma’am?”

    Guest: “Great!”

    Me: “I see that there was a cash deposit on the room. Unfortunately, as you were told at check-in, we are not able to process the deposit at this time, as it is locked in the safe, and the person who can open it will not be here until 9 am. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

    Guest: “That’s unacceptable! I can’t believe you are refusing to give me my money! I am going to complain to Corporate. Now give me my money!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but I as I just explained to you, I am unable to do that at this time.”

    Guest: “I don’t care! What a rip-off! You will give me my money now! I am not coming back to this h***-hole!”

    Me: “No problem; we will send a check to the address we have on file.”

    Me: “That’s not acceptable! I demand you f****** crooks give me my money!”

    (This goes on for another 10 minutes; every time I try to explain the issues, she cuts me off. Finally, I have had enough.)

    Me: *firmly* “Madam! If you would allow me to finish, the only guest we have on record for that room is a 32-year-old man. Is Mr. [Name] with you?”

    Guest: “No! He said I could get it for him. Now give me my money!”

    Me: “In that case, ma’am, I’m afraid you just don’t get it.”

    Guest: ” Listen, fat-a**. Give me my money, or I’ll break your face!”

    Me: “We have no authority to let anyone besides the registered guest receive those funds, after the room has been inspected, and the safe has been opened. Now, this conversation is over! Please leave the property before I call the police to have you removed.”

    (My boss has just come in, and he also orders her off the property. When she tries to go after him, he instructs me to call 911. We finally get her to leave before the police arrive. My boss turns to me.)

    Boss: “You’re too patient! She’s probably a hooker trying to score herself a tip! Call 911 first next time!”

    Putting Your Son Into A Sweet Disposition

    | USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a little sweet shop. We have a promotion going on where you can get two free sweets if you can spin a wheel and get it to land on the prize. The front door opens and a young boy and his mother walk in.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [store name].”

    Mother: “Hi, I was told I could get some free candy here.”

    Me: “That’s right; you can get two free sweets of your choice if you can get a win on the prize wheel!”

    Boy: “I wanna try!”

    (The mother grumbles angrily. The boy walks over to the counter and takes hold of the wheel.)

    Me: “Okay, good luck, you have one chance, okay?”

    Boy: “Got it!”

    (The boy spins, but the spinner doesn’t land on ‘Winner’. The boy shrugs and walks back to his mother.)

    Mother: “Where’s his candy?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Mother: “You said, he’d get free candy.”

    Me: “Yes, if he was able to spin to win. Maybe next time, okay little guy?”

    Boy: “Always next time, Mom.”

    Mother: “Look at him! He’s distraught! You made my son unhappy! Get your manager.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    (The boy is dragged by his ear to the corner of the shop and is whispered to.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”

    Mother: “She made my son cry! He won the free candy, fair and square!”

    Boy: “No I—”

    (The mother gives him a glare.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry for your troubles; I’ll give you the candy you won.”

    (He gives the boy two pieces of our signature candy, and they leave the store.)

    Manager: “Sorry about that; it’s not worth a fight. Not much lost really.”

    Me: “But I—”

    (I am cut off by the door slowly creaking open. The boy is back, now alone.)

    Boy: “Here’s your candy back; sorry about my Mom. I know I didn’t win.”

    Me: “Thank you so much, but you can—”

    (He leaves before I can finish. I will always remember the little boy’s honesty, even though none of us ever saw him in the shop again.)

    Trying To Take You For A Ride

    | USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (Our carousel has a height requirement: 45 inches and smaller require an adult with them. We allow 15 year olds and up to accompany a small child. A girl is coming into line with her little sister, who is not tall enough to ride alone. I don’t believe the older sister is 15.)

    Me: “How old are you?”

    Older Sister: “I’m 11.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. You have to be at least 15 to bring a child on. Is Mom or Dad with you?”

    (The girls walk away, and come back with their mom.)

    Mom: “You won’t let the big one go with her? She’s fifteen.”

    Me: “Well, she just told me she was 11.”

    Mom: *shuts up*

    Some Like It Not Hot

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the deli section of my store. Recently we’ve been having a problem with a customer who always shows up between 10 and 11 am, before we have our hot case fully stocked for the day.)

    Coworker #1: “Hey, it’s that guy again.”

    (I look over and see the customer diligently scanning what we have in our hot case.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, do y’all have any barbecue ribs?”

    Me: “They’re in the oven right now. It’ll be about 40 minutes before they’re ready.”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    (He walks away without another word. Five minutes later, he returns with one of the managers.)

    Manager: “Hey, you don’t have any barbecue ribs?”

    Me: “Uh, not yet. It’ll be about 35 minutes.”

    Manager: “Why not?!”

    Me: “The ribs just weren’t in our first load in the oven.”

    (The manager looks at me like I am a diseased rat and immediately starts apologizing to the bad customer.)

    Manager: *to the customer* “I’m terribly sorry about the inconvenience, sir. There will be no charge for your meal.”

    (The manager turns back to me with an evil eye.)

    Manager: *to me* “Give him whatever he wants. Don’t print a price tag.”

    (I end up having to give the customer a $6.99 full meal at no charge. The manager stands there and watches to make sure I don’t charge the customer anything. Three days later, the same customer shows up again, at the same time of day.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do y’all have any buffalo wings?”

    Coworker #2: “We’ve got some wings in the fryer right now. They’ll be ready in about 10 minutes, and we could make buffalo then.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (Once again, he walks away and comes back with the same manager from before.)

    Manager: “Do one of you want to tell me why you don’t have any buffalo wings?!”

    Coworker #2: “We just haven’t got around to making that kind yet. We do have seven other kinds already made.”

    Manager: “But no buffalo.”

    Coworker #2: “Er… no.”

    Manager: *muttering* “F****** useless…” *out loud* “Don’t charge this customer for whatever he asks for. Get him his order. NOW.”

    (Once again, the man walks away with a free meal which would normally cost $6.99. Four days later, he comes back.)

    Me: “Isn’t that the guy who keeps asking for things we don’t have and going to complain?”

    Coworker #1: “Yeah, that’s him. I wonder what he wants this time?”

    Coworker #3: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “You got some fried catfish?”

    Coworker #3: “Sorry, we don’t have any today.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (Predictably, he comes back with the same manager in tow yet again.)

    Manager: “You don’t have any fish?! Why am I always hearing these complaints?! Why can’t you get this d*** case filled up on time?!”

    Coworker #3: “Uh… [Store Manager] said we had to have it filled by 11.”

    Manager: “It’s 10:15. That’s almost 11! No charge for this—”

    (The manager is interrupted by the store manager clapping him on the shoulder.)

    Store Manager: “Excuse me, [Manager], but do you want to explain why I keep seeing you’ve signed off on no-charge purchases on the deli production sheets?”

    Manager: “Uh… well… they never have what the customers want!”

    Store Manager: “They never have what this customer conveniently wants.”

    (The store manager then turns to the customer, and points at him.)

    Store Manager: *to the customer* “Get out.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Store Manager: “Get out of my store. You are banned from shopping here.”

    Customer: “Ain’t my fault these b****es don’t got what I want!”

    Store Manager: “Yes it is. I’ve seen you on our security cameras, always looking for things they don’t have in the case. You always find an excuse to complain and ask for free food. Well, you’re not getting any more free food. Get out.”

    (The customer gives the store manager a nasty look, but leaves without saying anything. The store manager then turns to the other manager.)

    Store Manager: “And I want to see you in my office.”

    (The other manager got suspended for a week without pay!)


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