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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 3

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this.”

    Me: “Okay. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I bought this yesterday, and it stopped working. I’d like my money back, please.”

    (There are a few different things wrong with what the customer has just said: although the item she brought back is indeed something that we sell, it looks severely worn out, and the box that it is currently in is an older design. There is no way that this could have been purchased ‘yesterday.’ But since I can’t be accusatory just yet, I try to diffuse the situation.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t have my receipt.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but without a receipt, we cannot do anything.”

    Customer: “Can’t you look it up by my credit card number?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but our system cannot trace back credit card purchases. But if you bring your receipt, I promise you, we will take care of everything.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (The customer leaves the store. I thought it would be the end of it, because it’s highly unlikely that she would have a valid receipt. Not even five minutes later, she comes back.)

    Customer: “I found my receipt. I’d like my money back, please.”

    (True to her word, she has a genuine receipt! I carefully read it over. The item on the receipt matches the item she is trying to return, but the date of the receipt reads January of 2012. We’re in the middle of 2013 at this point.)

    Me: “Ma’am, the receipt says you bought this in January of 2012. I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “You promised me that you would take care of it if I brought the receipt! You’re a liar!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you told me you purchased this yesterday. The receipt is from over a year ago, and the box is an older design. You’re way past our 30-day return period, and you’ve been dishonest with me.”

    Customer: “So… I’m not getting my money back?”

    Me: “Nope. Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Related:
    Past The Point Of No Return, Part 2
    Past The Point Of No Return

    An Unlikely Story

    | WA, Australia | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I have been checking books back in that have been left on our returns desk and come across a new book that has been badly damaged by what looks to be coffee. When the patron comes back to the circulation desk, I show her the book.)

    Me: “Good morning! I’ll check those out for you in just a moment. Unfortunately because this book has been damaged quite badly, we won’t be able to have it in our collection any more. The replacement cost will be [dollar amount]; are you able to pay now or should I send an invoice out?”

    Patron: “Oh, it was like that when I took it out!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’d never loan something in that condition, and as it was on your membership, you are liable for the damage done to it while on loan.”

    Patron: “I didn’t do it! You can’t prove I did it! It must have been the person before me! I won’t pay! It’s been like that for ages.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is a new book. We only got it last month and the only person to have it before you was I. And I can assure you, I didn’t spill coffee on this book.”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Patron: “Um, how much was it?”

    Getting All Hancocked Over A Benjamin

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I am ringing up a customer. After I tell him his total, he decides to continue shopping. He tries to hand me a $100 bill, but I tell him to hold on to it until he’s done shopping. I watch him shove it in his pocket. A few minutes later, he comes back with a second item.)

    Me: “Your total today is $32.44.”

    (The customer grabs the bag and begins to walk away.)

    Me: “Sir, you still need to pay for your purchase. It’s $32.44.”

    Customer: “I already gave you $100!”

    Me: “No, I asked you to hold on to your money until you finished shopping.”

    Customer: “Nu-uh, you put it in the register.”

    Me: “Sir, it’s in your right pants pocket.”

    (He reaches in, pulls out the bill, and hastily shoves it back in his pocket.)

    Customer: “I saw you take it! Hey everyone! This b**** stole my money!”

    Me: “Sir, I assure you that your money is in your pocket.”

    Customer: “Nah, f*** you, b****! Give me back my money!”

    (He then comes over the counter at me as I’m dialing security. I give him my ‘don’t mess with me’ glare and he backs off, but moves on to threatening the other customers, saying they were all on it and that one of them has his money. Security finally arrives and escorts him out, banning him from the premises.)

    Related:
    Getting All Hancocked Over A Lincoln

    Less Scam Artists, More Scam Finger-Painters

    | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a small specialty retail shop. It is the beginning of the day, so we only have $70 in each of the two cash registers, mostly change with a handful of $5 and $1 bills. Two customers come in and browse around, getting only a few small items each. They are the first customers of the day on my register. The first one gives me a $20 bill for a $4.79 purchase. I put the bill on top of the drawer, and count the change back to her.)

    Customer: “You’re giving me the wrong change. I gave you a $50 bill.”

    (I haven’t closed the register, and am just putting the $20 in its slot, so I show the customer the bill.)

    Me: “No, you gave me a $20 bill, right here.”

    Customer: “No, I know I gave you a $50 bill.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it was a $20 bill. You’re my first customer, and this is the only $20 bill, and there are no $50 bills at all.”

    Customer: “You must have put it into the safe slot.”

    Me: “We don’t have one of those. Here, have a look.”

    (I pull the drawer out, and show the customer the contents and the space underneath it.)

    Me: “There’s no $50 bill anywhere. And no other bills over $5.”

    (The customer’s friend decides to intervene.)

    Customer’s Friend: “Don’t worry; it’s okay.”

    (They exchange looks, and the first customer rolls her eyes.)

    Customer: “Okay then, well, no point in making a scene about it.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (I check out the friend’s small purchase, who gives me a $50 bill. I give her the change and they both turn to leave. On the way out, the friend whispers to the first customer…)

    Customer’s Friend: “You were supposed to let me check out first!”

    Two Wings Don’t Make Them Right

    , | Omaha, NE, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working at a restaurant that sells fried chicken. A customer approaches me after she has eaten her entire meal. The tray she’s carrying only has picked-clean chicken bones on it.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I ordered the white meat chicken meal, but got dark meat pieces instead. You need to give me a new meal.”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, but the white meat chicken meal comes with a breast and wing, which is what you received.”

    Customer: “No, you gave me a leg and a thigh. I paid extra for the white meat meal and I demand that you give me a replacement!”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry for the confusion, but as you can see by the chicken bones on your tray, this piece was a breast piece. See the rib bones here, and this piece was a wing.”

    Customer: “Get me your manager NOW!”

    (My manager has heard the interchange and cordially comes over.)

    Manager: “I’m terribly sorry for the mistake, ma’am; here’s a replacement meal for you.”

    (My manager hands her another white meat meal.)

    Customer: “It’s about time!”

    (After the customer leaves, having left the tray with the chicken bones on it, I turn to my manager.)

    Me: “Why did she get a free replacement meal when it’s obvious that she got and completely ate what she ordered?”

    Manager: *smiling sadly* “The customer always thinks they’re right, even when they’re wrong. And especially when all they want is to throw a fit for free food. I’ve learned it’s easier to just give them what they want than to try to convince them to be decent people.”

    Me: “The customer is always right?”

    Manager: “Even when they’re wrong!”


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