Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Crime Can Be A Vicious Cycle
    (1,792 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Should Have Stolen Some Military Intelligence

    | Albany, NY, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Military, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at the service desk of a large retailer when I’m called into the security office by the asset control associate while he detains and questions a female who was caught shoplifting. I walk in and the girl is obviously in her early 20s. She’s sitting there trying to force out the most fake sobbing I’ve ever seen. Her boyfriend has come in to support her, but at the moment he has to wait outside the room.)

    Coworker: “Alright, well, the police are on the way and the Store Manager is on her way up—”

    Shoplifter: “No! Please! You can’t do this! I can pay for the stuff!”

    Coworker: “Miss, you tried stealing $300 worth of electronics.”

    Shoplifter: “No, you don’t get it! I can pay for it! I was just… I wasn’t thinking! I’ve been really stressed!”

    Coworker: “Stressed enough to try and walk out the front door with groceries covering a blu-ray player?”

    Shoplifter: “Please! I can pay!”

    Coworker: “You had a chance to pay for it when you went through the cash register to pay for your groceries, and you had a chance to pay for it when you walked through the store again, picked it up and walked right by MORE registers to leave with it.”

    Shoplifter: “I just… you’re wearing dog tags, right?! What military branch?”

    Coworker: “Marines.”

    Shoplifter: “Please! My boyfriend is a marine too! He just got back from Afghanistan!”

    Coworker: “Really?”

    (My coworker stands up, opens the door, and looks to her boyfriend who is still standing there waiting.)

    Coworker: “Hey, what military branch were you in?”

    Boyfriend: “Huh? I just finished boot camp for Air Force.”

    Coworker: “Thanks.”

    (My coworker shuts the door, and stares at the shoplifter accusingly.)

    Coworker: “Air Force boot camp? Really? That’s cheap, miss.”

    Shoplifter: “SAME THING!”

    Coworker & Me: “It really isn’t.”

    Shoplifter: “You guys suck! This is so stupid! Let me pay for it! Don’t call the cops! Please!”

    Coworker: “Too late. Speaking of the police, your chariot awaits.”

    (The Store Manager decided to press charges as it turned out she’d stolen from other stores in the area.)

    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 4

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Hi, can I get a [sandwich]?”

    Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price].”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m the owner’s brother. I always get a discount.”

    Me: “You’re the owner’s brother?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “No, you’re not.”

    Customer: “How do you know, you f****** b****?”

    Me: “I’m an only child.”

    (I then point to a photo of myself on the wall, with the word ‘OWNER’ just below it.)

    Me: “Full price then?”

    Customer: “…yeah.”

    Related:
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 3
    Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
    Getting Owned By The Owner

    I Do Work Here, Does Not Work Here

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers

    (It is Valentine’s Day, and I work at one of the more popular restaurants in the city. When I arrive to start my shift, there is a long line of couples coming out of the doors. I am clearly in my work uniform, and I approach the door to start my shift. The first customer in line throws his hand in front of me to block the door.)

    Customer #1: “Whoa, man, can you not see the line?”

    Me: “Excuse me? No, sorry, sir, I work here.”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, nice try. Back of the line.”

    Me: “Sir, I clearly work here, as you can see by my uniform and name tag. If you don’t mind, my shift starts in a few minutes and I’d rather not be late.”

    Customer #1′s Girlfriend: “Look, buddy, we’ve been waiting here for 30 minutes. No silly costume is gonna get you in ahead of me.”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, my girl deserves the best, so don’t think you’re gonna take it away from her on Valentine’s Day. So why don’t you just go and wait like the rest of us before I f*** you up!”

    Me: “Look, sir, I don’t understand why you don’t believe me, but I really do work here and I’m meant to be inside right now! Can you please just let me go to work?”

    (Customer #2, standing in line behind Customer #1, decides to chime in.)

    Customer #2: “Look, mate, he’s made it quite clear to you that he works here. Why don’t you just let him through?”

    (Note: Customer #1 is clearly a good few inches taller and more muscular than Customer #2.)

    Customer #1: “Excuse me? Did you really want to get involved?”

    Customer #2: “Uh, no! Sorry!” *to me* “Sorry, mate, I tried.”

    (At this point, I am already a good few minutes late, and my phone starts to ring.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Manager: “[Name], where the h*** are you? One of the busiest nights of the year and you choose to be late now?”

    Me: “I’m right outside. I have been for ten minutes, but this customer won’t let me through because he doesn’t believe I work here!”

    Manager: “What?! Hang on.”

    (My manager hangs up and comes outside to find me barricaded by the customers. He looks at me, but points at Customer #1 and his girlfriend.)

    Manager: “Is this them?”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Manager: “Look, do you want to explain to me why you’ve made my best worker late?”

    Customer #1: “What? He doesn’t actually work here, does he?”

    Manager: “I don’t want to deal with this tonight. Take your girlfriend and leave. There’s no chance of you getting a table after all this. [Name], come inside and I’ll check the tapes later so I don’t have to mark you late.”

    (Customer #1 and his girlfriend are banned from the restaurant. Even better, Customer #2 ended up giving me a huge tip!)

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 12
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

    The Difference Between Father And Son

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

    (A customer comes into my video game store with his teenage son in tow.)

    Customer: “Hi, I bought this game yesterday. The guy who was here said that if I changed my mind, I could come back and exchange it for another game.”

    (I notice the game has not only been opened but actually played.)

    Me: “Okay, but you played this game.”

    Customer: “Yeah, so?”

    Me: “Well, usually exchanges are when the game hasn’t been played.”

    Customer: “Well, the guy yesterday didn’t say anything about that! I want to talk to the manager. He said I could just exchange it if we didn’t like it! I just want the other game.”

    Me: “Fine, just pick out the other game you wanted.”

    (The customer goes to shelf, pulls out the other game, and brings it back. I notice the game he’s returning is $15, while the other game is $20. I ring up the difference.)

    Me: “That will be $5.35, please.”

    Customer: “What? Why?”

    Me: “$5.35 is the difference plus tax between the two games. The game you bought yesterday is $15, while this game is $20. The difference is $5 plus tax.”

    Customer: “No! The guy yesterday didn’t say anything about paying MORE for exchanging the game!”

    (As the customer says this, his son looks down uncomfortably.)

    Me: “You can’t exchange a $15 item for a $20 item without paying the difference.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying extra! He said I could exchange this one for the other one! He didn’t say anything about paying more.”

    Me: “Sir, you can pay the $5 plus tax difference and take the new game, or you may keep the game you have already bought and played. Or, I can call mall security, and have you removed.”

    Customer: *hands over the cash and departs*

    Customer’s Son: “Sorry!”

    A Walk-In That Runs Out

    | NV, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work as a secretary in my husband’s practice. We don’t take walk-ins, and it’s clearly stated on the front door, but people still try to see him without an appointment. One day, someone comes in while my husband is out having lunch.)

    Walk-In: “Hi, can I see Dr. [Name]?”

    (I already suspect something, since my husband would never schedule appointments during his lunch break.)

    Me: “What time is your appointment?”

    Walk-In: “I don’t have one.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re by appointment only.”

    Walk-In: “That’s okay; I’m his brother. He’s expecting me.”

    Me: “Really? He didn’t tell me anything of the sort.”

    Walk-In: “Well, you’re just a silly secretary. You don’t need to know that sort of thing. Can I go see him now?”

    Me: “You said you’re his brother?”

    Walk-In: “Yes!”

    Me: “Well, that’s funny. You don’t look the least bit like him.”

    Walk-In: “Everyone says that.”

    Me: “Really?”

    Walk-In: “Look, b****, I don’t have time for this. Just—”

    (At this point, my husband has returned from lunch and has just heard the walk-in’s slur.)

    My Husband: “Excuse me! Don’t speak to her that way.”

    (The walk-in turns around and looks my husband square in the face.)

    Walk-In: “Hey, mind your own business, moron. This doesn’t concern you, so butt out.”

    Me: “Actually, it does concern him. That’s the doctor.”

    (The walk-in goes white in the face. My husband crosses his arms.)

    My Husband: “And moreover, that’s my wife you’ve just insulted.”

    Me: *sweetly* “How did you say you were related, again?”

    Page 12/55First...1011121314...Last