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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Not Ex-static About Donating

    | Canada | Liars & Scammers, Money, School

    (The particular call centre I work at calls alumni from the university, both to give them updates and to solicit donations. The alumnus I’m speaking with is quite polite. I’m partway through the call.)

    Me: “…so the date of your reunion is in two months. It sounds like you really enjoyed your time here!”

    Alumnus: “I definitely did.”

    Me: “Part of the reason you were able to enjoy it so much is because of the generosity of other alumni, like you, from the past—”

    Alumnus: “Oh, we’re doing that part now.”

    Me: “…so if you’d like, I could—”

    Alumnus: “Hold on a second! Khrrrrrrrt…”

    (The alum has started making not-quite-static noises with his throat.)

    Me: “Uh, sir? Are you—”

    Alumnus: “You’re breaking up! Khhrrrrrrrtzzzzz!”

    (This is followed by an actual phone click.)

    Check And Mate

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I ordered my pizza, like, an hour ago. It’s still not here.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. May I have your phone number so I can check your order?”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’s [number]. Look, I’m really upset about this. My family is hungry. I expect you to send my order out immediately. I expect not to have to pay for it since it’s been over an hour.”

    (At this point, my driver has walked in. It is a slow night. He is the only driver I have working. I put the customer on hold.)

    Me: “Hey, man. Are you getting back from that run out to [customer's street]?”

    Driver: “Yeah, why?”

    Me: “They’re on hold right now. They’re saying you never delivered their pizza.”

    Driver: *rolls his eyes and reaches into his pocket* “Here’s the check they paid me with.”

    (I get back on the phone with the customer. I verify her name, address, and phone number before confronting her.)

    Me: “Ma’am. My driver just returned and handed me a check. It has your information on it and is written for the amount of your order. I also note that you didn’t even tip my driver.”

    Customer: *long silence* “YOUR DRIVER IS LYING! I DON’T KNOW HOW HE GOT MY CHECK, BUT HE NEVER DELIVERED MY FOOD. I WANT IT NOW!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. I’m afraid I can’t do that. Here’s the number to our corporate office if you’d like to call them about this.”

    (As the customer hangs up, I hear her shouting to someone on her end of the line.)

    Customer: “WHO’S THE IDIOT WHO PAID FOR THE PIZZA WITH A CHECK?!”

    Kill Bill

    | Italy | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (My sister and I co-own a gas station. She usually mans the full service pump, while I follow the back office stuff. She calls me over while with a customer.)

    Me: “Yes. How can I be of help?”

    (My sister hands me a clearly false €20 bill.)

    Sister: “I exchanged his €50 bill for two €20 bills and one €10 at his request, so he could do 20 on the self service. Now he’s here claiming the self service machine doesn’t accept this bill. He wants it exchanged with another 20€ bill.”

    Customer: *smugly* “I’m sorry. I know these machine sometimes are difficult, right?”

    Me: “No problem.”

    (I take the false €20 bill and hand it back to the customer.)

    Me: “Keep this one. Just use the other one you got from your €50 bill!”

    (The scamming customer tries to open his mouth to say something, then goes back to the self service machine. I follow him. He again tries the false bill.)

    Customer: “It doesn’t work!”

    Me: *with a smile* “Use the other one.”

    (The customer reluctantly uses a good 20€ bill. He pumps the gas, and leaves without a word.)

    Lying Is All Relative(s), Part 2

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (My sister and I work in a bakery owned by our family; our grandma is the owner.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’m the owner’s daughter. So, I can get my food for free, okay?”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll call your mother in, okay?”

    (The customer nervously nods. I call in my grandma.)

    Grandma: “What is it?”

    Me: “Oh, this customer says you’re her mum.”

    (My grandma looks at the customer.)

    Grandma: “I have never seen you in my life. Also, you look about twenty. So you could pass as my granddaughter, but not as my daughter!”

    (The customer runs out quickly!)

    Related:
    Lying Is All Relative(s)

    Pola-Roid Rage

    | Wasilla, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

    (I work the returns counter at a retail store. We have a customer that comes in every couple of months and returns several packs of Polaroid film, each worth about $20. She never has a receipt and always has the same excuse that she bought too much for the occasion. We suspect she is stealing them from another store in the area, and returning them at our store. Our loss prevention team doesn’t have enough on her to deny the returns. The electronics department implements a policy that we are not allowed to return Polaroid film without a receipt if it doesn’t have one of our security tags on it. Sure enough, the customer comes back in after this policy is in place. None of the boxes she brings in have our security tags on them.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m not able to return these without a receipt.”

    Customer: “But I’ve returned these here before. Why can’t I now?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. They changed our return policy. We are no longer allowed to return this type of film without a receipt if it doesn’t have our security tag on it.”

    Customer: “Well, I know I bought it here. I want my money back.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry, ma’am. These do not have our security tag on them. I cannot do a return without a receipt. Could you have purchased them from [other store in the area]?”

    Customer: “NO! I bought them here. If I can’t return them here I just won’t shop here anymore!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but I have to follow our return policy.”

    (The customer walks off with her film, huffing as she goes. After about 10 minutes the customer’s husband storms up to my counter.)

    Customer’s Husband: “You calling my wife a thief?!”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Customer’s Husband: “My wife was just up here trying to return film. She said you told her she couldn’t return it because it was stolen!”

    Me: “No, sir. I explained to her that I couldn’t return the film without a receipt because they don’t have our security tags on them. Then I asked if she might have purchased them from [other store in the area]. I never accused her of stealing.”

    Customer’s Husband: *shouting* “I’ve never seen this ‘security tag’ you’re talking about. You’re lying to me!”

    (The customer’s husband storms off towards the electronics department, shouting.)

    Customer’s Husband: “I’m going to prove you’re a liar. Then I’m gonna kick your a**!”

    (I run after him to try to warn the department manager of what’s about to happen. When the husband gets into the department he starts pulling 35mm film packs off the shelf shouting.)

    Customer’s Husband: “I don’t see no security tag!”

    (He then throws the packages over the shelf. The manager of the department is now dodging packs of film as he is trying to get to the customer. I reach him first. I grab a Polaroid film pack off the shelf and show the man the security tag on the back that I have been referring to all along. The man stops mid-throw and mid-shout, looks at me for a moment and then walks away without saying a word. We never saw either of them again in our store.)

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