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    Category: Liars & Scammers

    Ever come across a customer that has made you want to call the police? These ones pretty much ensure it. It goes way beyond the realms of shoplifting or threatening behavior. Some of these customers are too stupid even for those…

    Laptop Flop, Part 7

    | Sacramento, CA USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (Because we are an office supply store, many identity thieves and money launderers try to buy laptops from us because they assume we’ll be less vigilant than some other, more popular electronics stores. On this day, a customer we’ve seen many times before, who always uses questionable payment methods – like cards with important info scratched off, expiration dates that don’t match, etc. – comes in. Somehow he thinks we won’t recognize him, despite the fact that he comes in every two weeks. As always, he heads straight for the cooler, to buy an orange soda – which is the same thing he’s always done every time he’s come in. According to policy, we can’t refuse a customer service even if we know he’s been trying to scam us.)

    Coworker: “Oh, hey, [Customer]! Good to see you again!”

    Customer: “Hey! I— what? I’ve never been in here before!”

    Me: “You really like that orange soda, don’t you? You get one every time you’re here! I have to admit, it IS pretty good.”

    (The customer grabs a bag of chips, too, you know, because that will throw us off!)

    Me: “What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “I wanna buy a laptop. Just give me the cheapest laptop you have.”

    (Honest customers browse the selection, ask questions about features, and pick a laptop that will work for the tasks they have planned for it. Not this guy! But I decide I’m not going to play the game of pulling a laptop from lockup, dealing with this guy’s fraudulent card, or watch him try to make a grab for the items we’re keeping behind the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re out of that one. It’s on sale this week, so it’s pretty popular.”

    Customer: “Well, then how about the next cheapest one?”

    Me: “Let me check.”

    (I wander around the store for a minute, and then come back up.)

    Me: “Well, we had one of those, but it got returned because it’s damaged. I can’t sell it.”

    Customer: “Well… how about [Brand]? Just give me any laptop you have! I don’t care what it is. Just give me one. It’s for my little brother for school.”

    Me: “Yeah, you know? All these models are being cleared out for next year’s models. It doesn’t look like we have ANY in stock! But, hey! I’m pretty sure by the time you come back next week, we’ll have some. Did you want to leave us your name and phone so we can call you when we have more in stock?”

    Customer: “Err, no. I’ll go somewhere else.”

    (He tried to play it cool and leave the store, but we saw he had someone idling in the parking lot right outside the door. We were able to get a license plate number, make, and model, to report to the police. We bet he was going to try to make a grab for the laptop and run with it. But once he realized we all knew his face, he stopped coming in. Thank goodness!)

    Related:
    Laptop Flop, Part 6
    Laptop Flop, Part 5
    Laptop Flop, Part 4

    Abroadly Lying

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK | Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I work in a cancellations department for a high end TV provider. On a day where I’ve had decent customers, I get one who has a discounted service and the following happens:)

    Me: “You’re through to [cancellations]. How can I help?”

    Customer: “Hi, there. I need to cancel my account. I’m moving abroad.”

    Me: “No worries. Your account will cancel in 31 days and you will pay one last bill.”

    Customer: “Wait, why didn’t you offer me a discount to stay?”

    Me: “Because you can’t take your service abroad with you.”

    Customer: “My friend said if I try to cancel you’ll give me a discount.”

    Me: “Well, your friend was wrong. We can’t transmit the service outside the UK.”

    Customer: “But I want one!”

    Me: “Are you moving out of the UK?”

    Customer: “No. I lied. Can I have my discount, please?”

    Me: “We are a business, not a charity. We provide a service that you pay for. That doesn’t make you entitled to a discount. Plus you’re getting 75% off your package so you’re not getting another discount.”

    Customer: “I will go to [Competitor] if you don’t make it cheaper than what I’m paying for the same service.”

    Me: “They aren’t available in your area and you’re currently tied to a contract.”

    Customer: *screams and hangs up*

    (Cheeky cancellation save!)

    Trying To Avoid A Razor-Sharp Employee

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m working as a cashier and this sweet-seeming older woman comes up to my counter to buy a razor.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you?” *scanning her items as we speak*

    Customer: “Wonderful. How are you?”

    Me: “I’m doing well, thank you. Your total is $14.”

    Customer: “What?! No, that’s five dollars! The bin said it was five dollars!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, this product is $14. Perhaps someone just put it into the $5 bin because they wanted the cheaper item?”

    (I get someone to check and the bin is full of a totally different razor set, which I suspected would be the case, especially because this razor was a really nice razor. So we explain this.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! This is false advertising! You should be sued!”

    (She leaves really quickly, while shouting. The associate who was standing there the whole time after checking the bins starts laughing.)

    Me: “What?”

    Associate: “She tried buying that same razor yesterday with an expired coupon.”

    Driving Out The Lies

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m a manager; however, we’re short staffed so I’m helping with deliveries. After taking a delivery I get this call. I’m a girl.)

    Customer: “I have a complaint about the service I received tonight. The delivery guy cussed me out and I had to chase him down the street to get my food. He also refused to give me my change. It was cold and over an hour late. I want my money back, my pizza remade, and a gift card.”

    Me: “Oh, wow! I am so sorry. I’ll be glad to help, but first can I have your address and a description of the driver?”

    (She gives her address, and says the driver was a tall guy. She ‘couldn’t see too well in the dark’ for a better description.)

    Me: “Okay… Well, I’d be happy to help, but first would you like to change your story? I don’t quite believe it.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?!

    Me: “First of all, a guy answered the door. I was your driver tonight and I certainly don’t recall any of this occurring. Can you explain once more why you need a gift card?”

    Customer: “…oh, s**t.” *hangs up*

    Drive Straight Thru His Lie

    | Metairie, LA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a restaurant that is always closed on Sundays. Like, it has been every single week since the 1940s when it opened. One Sunday afternoon our restaurant owner is in the parking lot doing some work on our flower beds and someone drives up to the drive-thru speaker:)

    Customer: “Hello? HELLOOOOOOO! ANSWER ME! Son of a b****! This is OUTRAGEOUS!”

    (The restaurant owner calmly walks over to the customer in the car, and says:)

    Owner: “Hello, sir, is everything all right?”

    Customer: “NO! I JUST came through the drive-thru and paid over $30 for my meals, and I got ALL THE WAY HOME and realized that they left out my number one meal! I DEMAND that you give me my meal for free AND refund my whole order because my family is waiting on me at home and ALL OF OUR FOOD IS GOING TO BE COLD! I will not pay for this!”

    (The store owner, who loves to catch people in a lie, just kept asking more questions.)

    Owner: “So you’re telling me you were JUST here?”

    Customer: “Yes! And I got all the way home and YOU left my meal out of the bag!”

    Owner: “I see. Do you have your receipt? Or your bag with your food? I’d be happy to replace all of your meals for you if you have the receipt.”

    Customer: “NO! I left them at home with my other food! Can you get them to hurry up? I need to get back home because my family is waiting on me!”

    Owner: “So you’re sure you were JUST here? At THIS restaurant?”

    Customer: “YES! God, what is wrong with you people?! I was here like 15 minutes ago, in THIS drive-thru!”

    Owner: “Well, sir, I just wanted to let you know I know for a fact that you weren’t here 15 minutes ago getting food.”

    Customer: “…what?”

    Owner: “See, I’m the owner of this restaurant, and we’ve been closed every single Sunday since we opened. There is no one inside right now, and there hasn’t been anyone inside all day. So there’s no way you got your food here 15 minutes ago, I have your vehicle on our parking lot surveillance, and I want to kindly ask you never to come back to my establishment again!”

    (The guy then sped out of the parking lot!)

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