Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Sexy Money

| Sweden | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Money, Rude & Risque

(The Swedish word for the number six is ‘sex.’ The cashier is just about to charge an elderly couple for their groceries.)

Cashier: “That’s 106 kronor.”

(The old man hands him a 100 kronor bill.)

Cashier: “I need six kronor more.”

Old Man: *to cashier* “What did you say?”

Old Woman: “He said he wanted sex.”

Cashier: *getting red but trying to smile* “Six kronor more.”

Old Man: “What?”

Old Woman: *loudly* “He said he wants sex!”

(Both the queue behind them and the queue for the other register go silent and stare.)

Cashier: *loudly* “Kronor!”

Old Man: *loudly* “Speak up woman!”

Old Woman: *almost screaming* “THE CASHIER WANTS SEX FROM YOU!”

Cashier: *screaming* “SIX KRONOR!”

Worth Its Weight In Golden

| Exeter, England, UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(A rather frazzled looking customer rushes in and comes straight over to the counter.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help?”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like 12.5g of golden virginity please…”

(Pause.)

Me: “I’m sorry, love, there are some things we just can’t give back.”

Customer: “Oh my goodness, Virginia! I meant golden Virginia!”

You Haven’t Seen Anything Yette

| USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I help a mother find a dress for her daughter for a special occasion. It is really busy since it is prom season but we are able to find a dress. She is a bit demanding, but we try to accommodate as much as we can. Before deciding, we are talking about possibilities for alterations.)

Customer: “So the dress will be finished by then, RIGHT?”

Me: “Yes, I assure that it will all be fixed by then.”

Customer: “It better be since I’m paying all of this money for one dress.”

Me: “Well, if you prefer, there is another place that does alterations right around the corner. If you want, we can leave the dress on hold so you can check to see if their prices are within your price range.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to. It’s such a hassle.”

Me: “All right, then.”

(My coworker turns to me for help.)

Coworker: “How do you spell ‘corset?'”

Me: “C-O-R-S-E-T.”

Customer: “…T-E! It is spelled; C-O-R-S-E-T-T-E.”

Me: *sighs with an awkward smile*

Situation Goes South (Park) Very Quickly

| Tabernacle, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Movies & TV

(The year is 1998. The South Park movie just came out and tons of kids attempting to sneak in to see it. I’m now seeing a mother and son.)

Mother: “Hey, I’d like two tickets for South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut please.”

(I look at the son, who appears to be no older than five years old.)

Me: “Um… ma’am. I’d hate to inform you, but this movie is not suitable for your child as it’s rated-R.”

Mother: “Why not?”

Me: “First off, even though it’s a cartoon, it’s NOT made for kids as it’s filled with swearing, offensive humor, and general themes not appropriate for kids. Second, South Park is well known by many parents throughout the state for its controversy.”

Mother: “I don’t care. It’s a cartoon, so it’s for kids.”

Kid: “Yeah! Adults are too old for cartoons.”

Me: *sigh* “Enjoy the show…”

(20 minutes later, the parent shows up again with her kid, visibly angry.)

Mother: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS WASN’T A KIDS’ MOVIE?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I told you explicitly that this wasn’t for kids, but you ignored me as ‘cartoons are only for kids.'”

Kid: “MOM! TAKE ME BACK TO THE F****** MOVIE, YOU UNCLE F********!”

Mother: “You do not use that language with me, [Kid]! GET ME THE MANAGER NOW!”

Me: “Okay!”

Manager: “What’s the problem here, [My Name]?”

Me: “This woman is rather mad here?”

Manager: “Okay, what’s up?”

Mother: “This movie was not suitable for my child!”

Manager: “Which one?”

Son: “TAKE ME BACK TO WATCH THE F****** SOUTH PARK F****** MOVIE, MOMMY!”

Manager: “I think that answers my question. Ma’am, I believe [My Name] did tell you that this movie is not suitable for your child.”

Mother: “It’s a d*** cartoon. It should be for kids only. That’s made to corrupt the youth!” *she then hits the manager with her purse*

Manager: “Ma’am, please refrain from unruly behavior.”

(She then punches me in the face, and starts to harass me verbally.)

Manager: “I’ve had enough. GET OUT!”

Mother: “Why the h*** should I?! Give me back my f****** money, b****!”

Manager: “You’re harassing us and you’ve hurt my employee. Now get out or else I’ll call the police and you will be banned from the theater!”

Mother: “I think you’re mistaken.”

(She then attacked other customers. We called the police and she was arrested. She was sentenced to a month in jail.)

A Paltry Understanding Of Poultry

| Alabaster, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Egg and cheese. That’s poultry, right?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Poultry. Poultry means vegetarian, right?”

Me: “Um, sometimes vegetarians eat poultry and animal products. It just depends on the person.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. People are just changing all of this political correctness and I don’t know what things mean anymore. You’ll ask stupid questions when you’re my age and people change what words mean.”

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