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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Left Their Brain In Their Other Lifestyle

    | Brea, CA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I would like to order a replacement statement.”

    Me: “Okay, sure thing. First to access your account, I’ll ask a couple of verification questions.”

    Customer: “Okay!”

    Me: “May I have your address please?”

    Customer: “Address? What you mean like, where I live?”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: *gives address*

    (After verifying my customer I then proceed to his request.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. I have your statements ready to be sent. Would you like it sent to the address on file or an alternate?”

    Customer: “I don’t live an alternative lifestyle.  I  just want my statements.”

    Birthright Is Wrong

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Language & Words

    Customer: “Oh! What an interesting accent! Which country are you from?”

    Me: “Thank you. I was born here, but my dad is Northumbrian, so I have a bit of his accent.”

    Customer: “So when did you arrive in Australia?”

    Me: “I never left. I was born here.”

    Customer: “No, that’s impossible. I don’t think you were. In fact, I KNOW you weren’t.”

    Me: “So, it’s impossible for my mother to have me in Australia with my dad, who migrated from the UK and has a strong accent that I picked up?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “I was born here in Australia, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, you keep thinking that.” *winks and leaves the store*

    When Write Is Wrong Is Really Right

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (I work in a video store. This is years before gift cards. We have to hand-write the amount on a certificate.)

    Customer: “That is not spelled right.”

    Employee #1: *writes void on certificate, and tries again*

    Customer: “It’s still not right.”

    (Employee #1 calls over Employee #2.)

    Employee #2: “Ma’am, I’m sure that’s right.”

    Customer: *agitated* “I demand to speak to a manager.”

    (I come over.)

    Me: “Ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need this certificate for $12 and he keeps spelling it wrong.”

    Me: “Okay. What is the amount of the gift certificate?”

    Employee #1: “$12.”

    Me: “How did you spell it?”

    Employee #1 & #2: “T-W-E-L-V-E.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not the greatest speller, but I’m pretty sure that’s right.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not.”

    Me: “So that we don’t waste anymore gift certificates, why don’t you write the amount?”

    (The customer snatches the booklet and pen, and starts to fill in the information. When she gets to the amount she stops, confusion on her face.)

    Customer: “How did you spell it again?”

    Employee #1: “T-W-E-L-V-E.”

    Customer: “Oh. I guess you were right…”

    A Sheet Understanding Of Languages

    | Coral Springs, FL, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (An elderly customer comes in with a manila folder filled with paper.)

    Me: “Hello! Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need copy of… How do you say?”

    (It’s clear English isn’t his first language, so I get closer to listen.)

    Me: “What was that?”

    Customer: “Do you say…’piece of paper?’ or ‘sheet of paper?’”

    Me: “You can use either of them. Both are okay.”

    (The customer seems to understand, and hands me a sheet from the folder.)

    Customer: “This. I need five pieces of sheet.”

    Deaf To Reason, Part 3

    | OH, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m mute, but learned sign language as a way to communicate. Most people assume I’m deaf, and I usually don’t need to correct them. However, some people use this assumption to make comments. I’m at the mall.)

    Customer: “Miss, do you know where [Store] is?”

    Me: *signs that I only speak sign language*

    Customer: “Stupid deaf people. Shouldn’t be allowed the same place as us normal people! You ungrateful s*** had better stay the f*** away from me!”

    (I tear up a bit, but then the security officer, who understands sign language, comes over.)

    Security Officer: “Ma’am, please stop harassing her.”

    Customer: “What?! I did no such thing! I only asked her for directions! And, she’s deaf! How could she know?!”

    Security Officer: “She’s not deaf, ma’am. She heard every word. I’d like you to apologize to her.”

    Customer: “H***, no! She’s a little b**** who shouldn’t be out with the normal part of society!”

    Security Officer: “I’m going to ask you to leave now.”

    Customer: “Why?!”

    Security Officer: “You’re being disruptive and rude. You need to leave.”

    Customer: “She should leave! She’s wasting time and space!”

    Security Officer: “She isn’t screaming profanities, harassing others, or even being the least bit loud. I’m going to ask you one more time to leave the property.”

    (The customer refuses, and has to be dragged out by two other officers!)

    Related:
    Deaf To Reason, Part 2
    Deaf To Reason

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