Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Crime Can Be A Vicious Cycle
    (1,807 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Doesn’t Speak (Or Hear) French

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Books & Reading, Language & Words

    (I work in a library which serves mostly English-speaking patrons, but also French-speaking patrons, too. As such, the library uses both a French and English name. I receive a call from a number with an area code that I do not recognize, but is somewhat similar to the library’s area code.)

    Me: “Bibliothèque Publique de [City]. Public Library. How may I help you?”

    Patron: “Yes, I received a notice that my books are late. I would like to renew them.”

    Me: “Certainly. May I have your last name?”

    Patron: “It’s [Last Name].”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (I pull up the list of our patrons with the last name in question.)

    Me: “What is your first name, please?”

    Patron: “It’s [First Name].”

    Me: *checking the list* “I’m afraid I can’t find that name on my list. Did you perhaps register your membership under a different first name, or were you using someone else’s card?”

    Patron: *a little annoyed* “No. I used my card, and my name is [Name].”

    (We go back and forth for a moment, before I ask…)

    Me: *hesitant* “Ma’am, are you sure you are calling the right library?”

    Patron: *a little offended by my suggestion* “Well, I am calling the library in [City], [US State]?!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. You called [City], Quebec, Canada.”

    Patron: “…”

    (She said goodbye and hung up. I’m not sure how all the French and the different area code failed to clue her in! I’m also curious how much the long distance call cost her!)

    French Disconnection

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a specific game for my son and want to know if you have it there.”

    Me: “I can certainly check that for you, sir. What’s the name of the game?”

    Customer:John Dark.”

    (I look it up under both ‘John’ and ‘Dark,’ but nothing comes up.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to find a game by that name in my system here. Are you sure that’s the name of the game?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m 100% sure. It’s for his PSP.”

    (At the mention of the PSP, I realize which game he’s talking about, and find it rather quickly.)

    Me: “Ah, I see. The name of the game is actually Jeanne d’Arc, and yes, we do have—”

    Customer: “No, that’s not the name of it. It’s John Dark.”

    Me: “I mean no offense by this, but I understand that it may be a little hard to pronounce. It’s Jeanne d’Arc. It’s actually French for ‘Joan of Arc.’”

    Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you need to know French to play the game. It’s all in English; only the title is French.”

    Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French! And it’s John Dark!” *hangs up*

    (I think that’s the end of it, but a little later that day, a man comes into the store and makes a beeline for the PSP rack, and finds the game.)

    Customer: “I want to by this game here, John Dark.”

    (I decide not to correct him, thinking there’s no reasoning with him, hoping I can just get him checked out quickly. As I’m getting the game, he comments.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I called earlier and one of your guys lied to me about this game.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that, sir. What did he say?”

    Customer: “He said that you have to speak French to play this game! But my son said you don’t have to speak French! And he doesn’t even speak French!”

    Me: “I deeply apologize for that, sir. I can assure you that you don’t need to understand French to play this game.”

    Customer: “Good. I’m glad I was able to find this John Dark game for my son!”

    (A regular customer of mine is nearby, and can’t stand hearing this guy talk.)

    Regular: “No offense, dude, but it’s called Jeanne d’Arc. I don’t even know French but I can still tell that that’s French for ‘Joan of Arc.’”

    Customer: “BUT MY SON DOESN’T SPEAK FRENCH!”

    To Put It Plainly

    , | IN, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am ordering a cheeseburger combo meal at a fast food place.)

    Cashier: “And what do you want on it?”

    Me: “Uh, everything except the tomatoes, onion… Wait, let me rephrase that. Just the cheese and meat.”

    Cashier: “So… plain?”

    Me: *embarrassed* “Yeah, I guess that would’ve been easier to say!”

    (Thanks for putting up with me, fast food worker!)

    Logo Loco

    | USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (A customer is renting a new movie. As we were always taught at this now defunct rental chain, everything the customer rents has to be read back to them at the end of the transaction.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming, I ‘Heart’ Huckabees is due on [date].”

    Customer: “It’s I LOVE Huckabees.”

    Me: “Nope. It’s pronounced I ‘Heart’ Huckabees.”

    Customer: “Do you understand grammar?”

    Me: “It’s not a matter of grammar. It’s called a ‘logogram.’ When a symbol represents a word, or is meant as a replacement for the word its sign represents. The movie is I ‘Heart’ Huckabees because it includes a logogram – otherwise it would just say ‘love.’”

    Customer: *storms out*

    The Son Of Mondegreen

    , | USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I am looking for new albums in a music store when I overhear a conversation.)

    Customer #1: *singing ‘The Monster,’ a song of Eminem ft. Rihanna* “I’m friends with the monster, the son of my bed.”

    Customer #2: “Your lyrics are wrong. It’s ‘that’s under my bed.’”

    Customer #1: “Seriously, how can a monster fit under a bed?”

    Customer #2: “‘The monster under the bed’ is an expression used by children and the song uses this expression to depict the artist’s struggles in overcoming his demons. And besides, how can a monster be a son of a bed?”

    Page 7/66First...56789...Last