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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    To Put It Plainly

    , | IN, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am ordering a cheeseburger combo meal at a fast food place.)

    Cashier: “And what do you want on it?”

    Me: “Uh, everything except the tomatoes, onion… Wait, let me rephrase that. Just the cheese and meat.”

    Cashier: “So… plain?”

    Me: *embarrassed* “Yeah, I guess that would’ve been easier to say!”

    (Thanks for putting up with me, fast food worker!)

    Logo Loco

    | USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (A customer is renting a new movie. As we were always taught at this now defunct rental chain, everything the customer rents has to be read back to them at the end of the transaction.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming, I ‘Heart’ Huckabees is due on [date].”

    Customer: “It’s I LOVE Huckabees.”

    Me: “Nope. It’s pronounced I ‘Heart’ Huckabees.”

    Customer: “Do you understand grammar?”

    Me: “It’s not a matter of grammar. It’s called a ‘logogram.’ When a symbol represents a word, or is meant as a replacement for the word its sign represents. The movie is I ‘Heart’ Huckabees because it includes a logogram – otherwise it would just say ‘love.’”

    Customer: *storms out*

    The Son Of Mondegreen

    , | USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I am looking for new albums in a music store when I overhear a conversation.)

    Customer #1: *singing ‘The Monster,’ a song of Eminem ft. Rihanna* “I’m friends with the monster, the son of my bed.”

    Customer #2: “Your lyrics are wrong. It’s ‘that’s under my bed.’”

    Customer #1: “Seriously, how can a monster fit under a bed?”

    Customer #2: “‘The monster under the bed’ is an expression used by children and the song uses this expression to depict the artist’s struggles in overcoming his demons. And besides, how can a monster be a son of a bed?”

    Left Their Brain In Their Other Lifestyle

    | Brea, CA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I would like to order a replacement statement.”

    Me: “Okay, sure thing. First to access your account, I’ll ask a couple of verification questions.”

    Customer: “Okay!”

    Me: “May I have your address please?”

    Customer: “Address? What you mean like, where I live?”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: *gives address*

    (After verifying my customer I then proceed to his request.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. I have your statements ready to be sent. Would you like it sent to the address on file or an alternate?”

    Customer: “I don’t live an alternative lifestyle.  I  just want my statements.”

    Birthright Is Wrong

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Language & Words

    Customer: “Oh! What an interesting accent! Which country are you from?”

    Me: “Thank you. I was born here, but my dad is Northumbrian, so I have a bit of his accent.”

    Customer: “So when did you arrive in Australia?”

    Me: “I never left. I was born here.”

    Customer: “No, that’s impossible. I don’t think you were. In fact, I KNOW you weren’t.”

    Me: “So, it’s impossible for my mother to have me in Australia with my dad, who migrated from the UK and has a strong accent that I picked up?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “I was born here in Australia, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, you keep thinking that.” *winks and leaves the store*

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