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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Requires Protection From Customers

    | Watseka, IL, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (The store has just opened, and the first customer in the store is a very elderly gentleman in an electric wheelchair. He approaches me in the hardware department.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir. Can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: *after long pause* “… I need screws.”

    Me: “Okay, the screws are right here behind me. What size do you need?”

    Customer: *points* “Hand me that box.”

    (I hand him the box, and he opens it and removes one screw.)

    Customer: “Now… I need protection for my screw. Where would I get that?”

    Me: “Well, the nuts and washers are all right here.”

    Customer: “No…” *doing air quotes with his fingers* “‘PROTECTION,’ for my ‘SCREWS.’”

    Me: “I don’t follow you, sir…”

    Customer: *talking under his breath* “… rubbers.”

    Me: “Rubbers?”

    Customer: *yelling* “CONDOMS, OK?! I NEED CONDOMS!”

    Me: “Sir, this is a farm supply store… We don’t sell those.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.” *hands me back the screws* “Put these back, I don’t need them.”

    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 5

    | AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes I would like to check in please.”

    Me: “Of course, ma’am. A single room is $89.00 plus tax.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take it.”

    Me: *using the computer to put her information in*

    Customer: “So, are you Japanese?”

    Me: “No, I am Korean.”

    Customer: “Chinese?”

    Me: “Korean.”

    Customer: “That’s like Chinese, right?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “It’s like Japanese, then?”

    Me: “No, it’s Korean.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. So what language do you speak? Chinese?”

    Me: “Korean.”

    Customer: “Japanese?”

    Me: “Korean…”

    Customer: “That’s like Chinese?”

    Me: “No. Korean.”

    Customer: “Like Japanese?”

    Me: “No, it’s like Korean. It’s different from Japanese and Chinese.”

    Customer: “Oh, Korean… I see! Don’t you learn something everyday?”

    Related:
    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 4
    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 3
    Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 2

    Always Been A Leg Man

    | Singapore | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “So this table leg, can it fit onto this table?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “And is it easy to fix it?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: “We just have to screw it ourselves yeah?”

    Me: “Yes, just screw yourselves.” *suppressed laughter*

    Nothing To Tip Him Off

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (My coworker and I are working at a gas station while our manager is working in the back room. A customer comes up to the register.)

    Customer: “Can I get a wine (tobacco product)?”

    (Because these products come in either wood tip or plastic tip, we always ask the customer which they would like if they don’t specify.)

    Coworker: “Wood or plastic tip?”

    Customer: “Wine.”

    Coworker: “Yes. Wood or plastic?”

    Customer: “WINE.”

    Coworker: “WOOD or PLASTIC?”

    (This continues on for another minute or two until they are near shouting at each other, despite my coworker acknowledging the request for wine-flavor. My manager comes around the corner with her phone out.)

    Manager: “Sir, she’s asking you very clearly which kind of wine (tobacco product) you would like: one with a wood tip, or one with a plastic tip.”

    (The customer has a dumbfounded look for a moment, and then slaps his hand to his forehead in embarrassment.)

    Customer: “OH! Oh, my goodness. I’m SO sorry! Plastic tip, please!”

    (We all start laughing as my coworker shakes her head and begins checking the man out. Before he leaves, he looks at my manager, who is still standing next to me, giggling.)

    Customer: “Why did you come out with your phone out, anyways?”

    Manager: “Oh, because it was just too perfect! I had to get it on video or no one would ever believe it really happened!”

    (She had recorded the exchange, and has since showed it to some of my other coworkers who couldn’t believe that this even happened. The man still comes in and has since remembered to specify which kind of tip he would like on his product.)

    Do Not Like

    | USA | Bizarre, Language & Words, Money

    (I work at a branch in a college town, so our customers are often in their late teens. I have just been commenting to a coworker that all these kids make me feel old when this happens.)

    Customer: “I, like, want to, like, deposit some money in, like, my, like, account.”

    Me: “Certainly. Is that going to checking or savings?”

    Customer: “Like, checking?”

    Me: “Of course. Do you want all of your check going in or would you like some cash back for yourself?”

    Customer: “Like, can I, like, get $20, like, back?”

    (I process everything through and the customer leaves.)

    Me: *to coworkers, who are dying laughing* “And that, my friends, is the future of the world. Dear god, I hope she isn’t an English major.

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