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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    It’s All Dutch To Me

    | Eindhoven, Netherlands | Canada, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “Hey, can I buy these, please?”

    Me: “Sure. That’ll be 10 euros.”

    (The customer hands me 10 Canadian dollars.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take that currency.”

    Customer: “What? Why?”

    Me: “Because this isn’t Canada.”

    Customer: “But I thought you guys use Canadian dollars? My friend said they use Canadian dollars outside the US.”

    Me: “We don’t. We use Euros here.”

    Customer: “Since when?”

    Me: “Since 2002. Although before that, we used guilders, so your dollars would still be useless.”

    Customer: “But they’re Canadian dollars!”

    Me: “But this isn’t Canada.”

    (At this point, I take a second look at the magazines he’s trying to buy.)

    Me: ” Excuse me, but do you speak Dutch?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then why are you buying Dutch magazines?”

    Customer: “I thought they’d be in English.”

    Me: “Because they speak English in Canada?”

    Customer: *blushing* “Yeah.”

    It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (A customer has asked me to spell the name of the city, Indianapolis.)

    Me: “I-n-d..”

    Customer: “I-m-b…”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, that was I-n-d…”

    Customer: “I-n-b…”

    Me: “That’s d, like dog.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

    Me: “Okay… you got that?”

    Customer: “I got it.”

    Me: “…i-a-n…”

    Customer: “…i-a-m…”

    Me: “That was an n, like Nancy.”

    Customer: “I have I-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n.”

    Me: “Let’s start at the beginning.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

    Me: “I-n-d…”

    Customer: “I-n-d?”

    Me: “Yes. …i-a-n…”

    Customer: “All right, now I have I-n-d-i-a-m-i-m-b-i-n-d-o-k-i-a-m-n – is that how you spell Minneapolis?”

    Me: “No. It is not.”

    Customer: “Must be all them funny Indian letters. Okay, I’ll send this to you. Goodbye.”

    Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [internet provider]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I am trying to provision my personal modem for your internet and I am having issues. Could you help?”

    Me: “Sure. May I please have your modem id?”

    Caller: “001, E as in igloo, A as in apple, 3251, E as in igloo.”

    Me: “So that was 001, Echo, Alpha, 3251, Echo?”

    Caller: “No. E as in Igloo!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but Igloo begins with an I.”

    Caller: “The heck it does! Igloo is spelled E-G-L-U-E. I have a G.E.D.—you can’t pull one over on me, Mr. Fancy Pants!”

    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded, Part 2

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Language & Words

    Customer:  ”Gimme 1 tall coffee.”

    Me: “Okay. Would you like room for cream?”

    Customer: “No, d*** it! I just want American coffee; no ice cream, mayonnaise, whipped cream or any of that crap! Can’t I just buy a d*** cup of American coffee!?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir.  What flavor would you like today?”

    Customer: “Sumatra.”

    Related:
    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded

    English Is Going Down (Under)

    | Melbourne, Australia | Language & Words

    Me: “Hello, how are you?”

    Customer: “What country are you from?”

    Me: “England.”

    Customer: “Oh, no wonder you don’t speak English properly.”

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