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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Eva-nonsense

    | Bellevue, WA, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I approach a teenage girl who seems to be looking for something.)

    Customer: “Do you have the Evanescence CD?”

    Me: “That would be over here. It looks like the only one we have left right now is a Australian import version, if that is okay with you?”

    Customer: “What does that mean? Is she singing in Australian or something?”

    Bean There, Done That

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I just came from Mexico. I had some good beans there. What were they? Ah, yes! Frijoles!”

    Me: “Sir, frijoles is just the word for beans in Spanish.”

    Customer: “No! I had special beans in Mexico and they were called frijoles! Get me frijoles!”

    Me: “Sir, we only have refried beans at this deli. These are frijoles. Would you like these, or something else?”

    Customer: “Frijoles! How is this so difficult to understand?”

    Me: “Sir, frijoles are beans…in Spanish.”

    Customer: “Then get me beans in Spanish!”

    Translation Is No Small Feat

    | Alabama, USA | Language & Words

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [supermarket]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hey, can I speak to someone in the ladies wear department?”

    Me: “That’d be me. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I bought some scrubs at another store and I was wondering what the ‘S/CH’ on the tag means?”

    Me: “It means it’s a small.”

    Customer: “But what does the ‘CH’ mean?”

    Me: “It’s the Spanish abbreviation for small.”

    Customer: “But ‘CH’; isn’t that American?”

    Me: “The letters C and H are used in a lot of different languages, including Spanish.”

    Customer: “Oh, how strange!”

    Customer Service With Zeal

    | USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Oh, I just love your accent! Are you British?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m a New Zealander.”

    Customer: “Are you Aussie?”

    Me: “No, I’m a New Zealander.”

    Customer: “Is that part of Australia?”

    Me: “No. We are part of the commonwealth, though.”

    Customer: “New Ziland?”

    Me: “New Zealand.”

    Customer: “True New Zealanders say New Ziland.”

    Me: “I am from New Zealand.”

    Customer: “Prove it!”

    Me: “Would you like some ice-cream from the chilly bin to enjoy at your bach with the whanau? It’s a tropical five degrees outside, miss.”

    Customer: “That wasn’t kiwi, that was gibberish!”

    Me: “Actually, most kiwis would understand that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No way! Prove you’re a New Zealander!”

    Me: *out of desperation* “Sweet! I’m beached as, bro!”

    Customer: “I believe you now!”

    There Is No Voice Of Reason

    | Petaluma, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [electronics store]. What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “I need an electronic English to Spanish dictionary.”

    Me: “Okay, right this way.”

    Customer: “Does it talk?”

    Me: “No. We don’t sell translators here.”

    Customer: “This isn’t a translator?”

    Me: “It will translate English words to Spanish words, but it won’t speak them. It will only show you the text.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! If I knew how to speak the d*** language, I wouldn’t need the d*** dictionary!”

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