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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    English Is Going Down (Under)

    | Melbourne, Australia | Language & Words

    Me: “Hello, how are you?”

    Customer: “What country are you from?”

    Me: “England.”

    Customer: “Oh, no wonder you don’t speak English properly.”

    They’ll Never Survive Welsh

    | Manchester, UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (A tourist is in line to get a ticket.)

    Tourist: “Can I have a ticket to Loogahgbaroogah?”

    Me: “Sorry, where?”

    Tourist: “Loogahbaroogah.”

    Me: Sir, there is no rail station in the UK called Loogahbaroogah.”

    Tourist: “But…”

    Me: “Did you mean Loughbrough?” (It’s pronounced ‘Luffbruh’)

    (The tourist gets his ticket and walks off, followed by the next customer in line.)

    Next Customer: “It’s a good job he didn’t want my ticket. Return to Llanelli, please.”

    Miss Diagnosis

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Health & Body, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “Welcome, how can I be of assistance?”

    Patient: “I think my son has Liza Minnelli!”

    Me: “Liza Minnelli?”

    Patient: “Yes! I think he has Liza Minnelli!”

    Me: “Um…how did he contract it?”

    Patient: “He ate the raw chicken on the counter! I’m telling you, it’s Liza Minnelli!”

    Me: “Oh, you must mean salmonella.”

    Patient: “No, I mean Liza Minnelli!”

    Me: “Right, then. The doctor will see you now.”

    (The doctor sees the patient’s child and tells her that it is salmonella and not Liza Minnelli. On her way out…)

    Patient: “I still think it’s called Liza Minnelli.”

    Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

    | Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I was working the candy bar when a I was approached by a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:)

    Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please.”

    (There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.)


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