Featured Story:
  • Never Too Late (Or Early) To Apologize
    (2,099 thumbs up)
  • January Theme Of The Month: Prank Calls!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Best Not Order The French Fries

    | Tennessee, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I come in on my day off to get my paycheck. My boss asks me to help with a table of two people who are speaking mostly French before I go. When I am done another customer calls me over.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, don’t you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I do. It’s just my day off today. Would you like me to get your server?”

    Customer: “What were you just talking in? It was some kind of foreign talk. At that other table there?”

    Me: “Oh, I speak a little bit of French, so I was helping the server.”

    Customer: “You can do that?”

    Me: “Do what, sir?”

    Customer: “You can speak French in here? Isn’t that illegal?!”

    Me: “To speak French?”

    Customer: “Yeah! I mean, this is a Mexican restaurant. You could get shot for speaking in French! Or even just thinking about talking in French!”

    Me: “Well–”

    Customer: “Shot!”

    Me: “I don’t think–”

    Customer: “Shot!”

    Me: “Sir–”

    Customer: “SHOT I SAID!”

    Boss: “It’s okay. She was thinking about the words in Spanish.”

    Customer: “Oh good.” *whispers to me* “Don’t ever try to talk in British in here. It won’t end well.”

    (My boss made a gun out of paperclips and attached them to all of my paychecks after that.)

    That’s One Supportive Mother

    | Maidstone, UK | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “Hi, can I help you at all?”

    Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for a present for my son. It’s called a ‘gay boy advanced’?”

    Me: “I’m hoping you meant a Game Boy Advanced?”

    Customer: “Oh? What did I say?”

    Babel-ing On

    | Chula Vista, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant] I’ll be your server this evening.”

    Customer: “Habla español?”

    Me: “No sir, I don’t.”

    Customer: “Italian?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “French?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Customer: “Well, then what language do you speak?”

    Dog Gone Crazy

    | North Miami, FL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (A customer who doesn’t seem to speak much English walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Where is chili?”

    Me: “Are you looking for chili mix or pre-made chili?”

    Customer: “Is chili in can?”

    (I tell him where to find the canned chili. A few minutes later, he comes up to me again.)

    Customer: “Sorry, I no find it. Help please?”

    Me: “Do you know what brand it was?”

    Customer: “It has picture of dog.”

    Me: “A dog logo? I can’t think of a brand that makes chili and has a dog logo.”

    Customer: “Is called… ah… What is it… um… [dog food brand]! Yes, that’s it! [Dog food brand] is name! The one with the dog!”

    Me: “Sir… [dog food brand] is a brand of dog food.”

    Customer: “Yes! Yes! Is chili with dog picture! Where is it? My family love it!”

    Knocked It Before He Thai’d It

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (Our store has a hot lunch station, which includes soup made in house.)

    Customer: “Is there a schedule for the soups? Like, is it the same thing week after week?”

    Me: “It is right here.” *pointing to this month’s soup menu*

    Customer: “It seems like the soups lately have all been kind of, well, leftish fringe. All red lentils and stuff.”

    (He scrutinizes the menu, muttering to himself.)

    Customer: “Ha! ‘German Sausage and Potato’. That’s normal. Who knows what the h*** is in ‘Thai Curry’."

    Page 61/71First...5960616263...Last