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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Customer Service With Zeal

    | USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Oh, I just love your accent! Are you British?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m a New Zealander.”

    Customer: “Are you Aussie?”

    Me: “No, I’m a New Zealander.”

    Customer: “Is that part of Australia?”

    Me: “No. We are part of the commonwealth, though.”

    Customer: “New Ziland?”

    Me: “New Zealand.”

    Customer: “True New Zealanders say New Ziland.”

    Me: “I am from New Zealand.”

    Customer: “Prove it!”

    Me: “Would you like some ice-cream from the chilly bin to enjoy at your bach with the whanau? It’s a tropical five degrees outside, miss.”

    Customer: “That wasn’t kiwi, that was gibberish!”

    Me: “Actually, most kiwis would understand that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No way! Prove you’re a New Zealander!”

    Me: *out of desperation* “Sweet! I’m beached as, bro!”

    Customer: “I believe you now!”

    There Is No Voice Of Reason

    | Petaluma, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [electronics store]. What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “I need an electronic English to Spanish dictionary.”

    Me: “Okay, right this way.”

    Customer: “Does it talk?”

    Me: “No. We don’t sell translators here.”

    Customer: “This isn’t a translator?”

    Me: “It will translate English words to Spanish words, but it won’t speak them. It will only show you the text.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid! If I knew how to speak the d*** language, I wouldn’t need the d*** dictionary!”

    Bi-Curiouser and Curiouser

    | Salem, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Top

    (I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)

    Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”

    Me: “Find everything you need today?”

    Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”

    Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”

    Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”

    Me: “No, just bilingual.”

    Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”

    The Tower Of Babble

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (Note: I am of Asian descent.)

    Me: “Good morning!” *starts scanning groceries*

    Customer: “Ni hao!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m not Chinese.”

    Customer: “Konnichiwa!”

    Me: “I’m not–”

    Customer: “Shalom!”

    Me: “Sir, that’s not even–”

    Customer: “Namaste!”

    *silence*

    Customer: “I know so many languages! So many!

    Clearer Than Black And White

    | Ireland | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “Can I get a milkshake, please?”

    Me: “What flavor?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “What flavor?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “What flavor?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Customers friend: “She said what flavor.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought she was saying ‘White flavor’. I just thought that’s what they call vanilla in their country!”


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