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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Cinnamon Puns

    | North Bay, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Language & Words, Top

    Customer: “Our daughter is looking for a book called Antonyms and Cinnamons.”

    (I type it into our search system, but no dice.)

    Me: “Would you know the author’s name?”

    Customer: “No, I forget. It was something weird though. She wrote it down, but I forget.”

    Me: “Might you mean Antonyms and Synonyms?”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s it!”

    (I search again.)

    Me: “Nothing with that exact title is coming up. Was there more to it?”

    Customer: “The author’s name. It was something funny. Sounded like a dinosaur. Wait, I think I might have it here.”

    (She searches through her pockets and fishes out a little folded piece of paper.)

    Customer: “Here it is. Antonyms and Cinnamons by Theo Saurus!’”

    Enough To Make You Quai

    | Florida, USA | Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I am trying to help a customer with a product while she is talking on the phone to her friend. Every time she asks me a question, she would go back to talking to her friend while I gave her the answer so I would have to repeat myself.)

    Customer: “Do you have something that will help me with my period?”

    Me: “Dong Quai.”

    Customer: “I’m not crying!”

    Me: “No, the product is called Dong Quai.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Not Quite Hammering A Point Home

    | Wisconsin, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My daughter is having her birthday in a few days. Do you do kids’ birthday parties?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Do you come to people’s homes dressed up for kids’ birthday parties?  I was hoping for a princess theme.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I believe you have to wrong number. This is a home improvement store.”

    Caller: “No, I do not have the wrong number! I was told you do kids’ birthday parties!”

    Me: “Uh, well…in our grocery department we sell candles. And cake mix. And frosting.”

    Caller: “Oh, wonderful! Do you have decorations you could bring too?”

    Me: “I’m not going to bring anything, but you could come in to our store to buy the cake supplies and some decorations from our wall-coverings department.”

    Caller: “You have specific departments for kids’ birthdays? That’s wonderful! Where are you located and what are your hours?”

    Me: “Ma’am, like I said before, you called a home improvement store. We, unfortunately, do not provide entertainment for children’s birthday parties, but we are located at [address] and our store hours are 6:30 AM to 10 PM.”

    Caller: “Just perfect, you’ve been so helpful!  Have a wonderful day!” *hangs up*

    The Union Of Soviet Solar Systems

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Language & Words, Math & Science

    Customer: “Excuse me, does this planet mobile include Pluto?”

    Me: “Well, there’s only eight planets on the mobile. So no, it does not.”

    Customer: “I refuse to accept that Pluto is not a planet anymore. I don’t care what the socialists say!”

    When (Not) In Rome

    | Boston, MA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Thanks for calling [executive car company]. How can I help you?”

    Caller:“I need to make a reservation.”

    Me: “Sure where is the pick up?”

    Caller: “A hotel called the George V?” *she pronounces it like the letter ‘V’* “It’s in Paris, France.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “Oh, wait. It’s called the hotel five!”

    Me: “That makes sense, since the V must be a roman numeral.”

    Caller: “Yeah, V must mean 5 in French. It was confusing to me and you because we are English.”

    Me: “Haha, yeah. That must be it…”

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