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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    When Bygones Mean Bi-Gones

    | Kentucky, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “You’re not from around here are you?”

    Customer: “Nope, I’m from Canada.”

    Me: “Oh cool! Do you speak French?”

    Customer: “Yup, I’m bilingual.”

    Other Customer In Line: “Down here, if something’s bi, we shoot it.”

    Best Oosik To What You Know

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “Excuse me, what is this?”

    Me: “That’s an ‘oosik’.”

    Customer: “What’s it made of?”

    Me: “It’s umm.. the lower anatomy of a walrus.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “It’s a part of a male walrus.”

    Customer: “What part?”

    Me: “It’s a petrified walrus penis.”

    (The customer laughs and runs over to his wife. They talk in their language for a bit then he drags her over by the arm, still giggling.)

    Customer: “Tell her what it is!”

    Ordering Pizza, Talking Baloney

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I am a lunch lady at a high school, and one of the students there is going to be leaving for a trip to Italy soon.)

    Me: “What kind of pizza would you like?”

    Student: “One pepperoni, one cheese.”

    Me: “So are you excited to spend two months in Italy?”

    Student: “Yeah, but I’m really going to miss all the good food here at school. Especially pizza.”

    Me: “But you’ll be in Italy right? So you can have pizza there.”

    Student: “Yeah but it won’t be authentic pizza from America. It’ll just be cheap Italian knock-offs.”

    Related:
    Ordering Meatballs, Talking Baloney

    History (Deep) Pans Out

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, History, Language & Words

    (A Native Canadian customer comes into the store with five small children.)

    Customer: “Why do the Deluxe and the Hawaiian pizza cost the same? One has more toppings!”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not really sure. That’s just the way the company works, I guess.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a discount for the Hawaiian, then? It has five less toppings!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *long pause* “You’re a cruel person.”

    Me: “Come again?”

    Customer: “Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!”

    Had Too Many Muska-Beers

    | Nanaimo, B.C., Canada | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Language & Words

    Me: “Can I help you sir?”

    Customer: “Yes do you have any books by Alexander Dumba**?”

    Me: “I think you mean Alexandre Dumas?”

    Customer: “Oh, is that how you say it?”

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