Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

As Clear As Muddy

, | Pennsylvania, USA | Language & Words, Technology

(I’ve just started on the floor for customer service for a cable company. A customer calls in saying his TV is “muddy”.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, I’m not understanding what is wrong with your TV. Is it pixelated, blue, or fuzzy?”

Customer: “No, it’s muddy.”

(After a few minutes of trying to figure out exactly what he meant by muddy.)

Me: “Sir…do you have mud on your TV?”

Customer: “D*** it! I said it’s muddy. M-U-T-E…MUDDY!”

Me: “Sir, do you see a muddy button on your remote?

Customer: “Yes. ”

Me: “Press the button.”

Customer: “That fixed it. Thank you so much!”

How About Some Split Pee Soup

| San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “I’d like a latrine!”

Me: “Oh, okay, the bathroom is just—”

Customer: “No! How much is a latrine?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, there’s no charge for using the—”

Customer: “No! Of soup! How much?”

Me: “OH! A tureen!”

Customer: “Yes, how much is a latrine of soup?”

No Recognition Or Cognition

| Canada | Language & Words, Technology

(A customer comes in asking for dictation software. I showed him a very popular dictation package.)

Customer: “Does that use voice recognition?”

Me: “Yes, it does.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t want that! Voice recognition doesn’t work. Do you have any dictation software that doesn’t use voice recognition?”

Me: “No, we do not.”

Customer: *looks annoyed and leaves*

Thanks For Shopping At Las Saggy Knees

| Peterborough, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any las-ange?”

Me: “Las-ange?”

Customer: “Yes, it says on my list, ‘las-ange.'”

(He shows me a shopping list with the word ‘lasagne’ written on it.)

Me: *showing him lasagna* “Here’s the lasagna.”

Customer: “No, no! That’s lasag-knee. I want las-ange.”

Me: “Well, lasag-knee is the same as las-ange.”

Customer: “Hmm, I’d better leave it. I don’t want to upset the misses by getting the wrong stuff!”

Psychos Are Crazy Precise

| USA | Language & Words

(I sell jewelry at a major department store. A foreign customer comes in wanting to see some merchandise at my watch counter.)

Customer: “I want to see a Psycho!”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Customer: “I want to see a Psycho!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not quite comprehending.”

(He points to the watches inside my counter.)

Me: “Oh, you want to see a Seiko!”

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