Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Made From Soylent Green

| Perth, WA, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “What salad would you like?”

Customer: “Lettuce, cucumber, capsicum, Filipino–”

Me: *laughing* “Did you mean jalapeño?”

Language That Belongs In The Toilet

| Apple Valley, MN, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m stocking shelves when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any a** wipe?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You know, a** wipe?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Toilet paper?”

Me: “Oh! Aisle 6.”

(The customer smiles and leaves. I’m from the area, so I can confirm that “a** wipe” isn’t a regional term for toilet paper!)

You’re An Idi0t

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Language & Words

(I’ve just handed the customer her credit card receipt.)

Customer: “Why do they put that diagonal line through the O’s?”

Me: “To distinguish the zeroes from the O’s.”

Customer: “But they’re the same thing.”

Me: “Zero is a number, but O is a letter.”

Customer: “No, they’re the same thing!”

Sure Thing, Sweet Cheeks

| Ontario, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We have international newspapers that we keep behind us at the till. Also, I’m female. I’ve just finished ringing up some British newspapers for a customer.)

Me: “Have a brilliant day.”

Customer: “Can I take a look at your rack?”

(This not only catches me off guard, but all the staff and customers within earshot, who turn and look at us.)

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I just want to see what else you’ve got to offer.”

(Everybody is still staring.)

Customer: *realizing what he’s said* “Oh! Your newspaper rack.”

They Don’t Call It Pain-em For Nothing

| New York, NY, USA | Language & Words

(I work as a volunteer at our small public library, usually at the front desk, helping patrons and checking out their books.)

Woman: *approaching desk* “Do you have…Hunger Pains?”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Woman: “I think it’s called Hunger…Pains?

Me: “Oh, The Hunger Games? It’s very popular right now.”

Woman: “Oh, right. My son told me the name. I knew I was going to get it wrong!”

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