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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Seriously, It’s Just A Joke

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I am loading guests onto boats at my ride, on which everybody gets wet and all seats are red, when my boss makes a joke over the intercom.)

    Boss: “If you’re in a red seat, you will get wet. The red seats are the wet seats. The blue seats are the dry seats.”

    Guest: “I’d like a blue seat, please.”

    Me: (gesturing at the boat) “All the seats are red.”

    Guest: “But I don’t want to get wet.”

    Me: “This is a water ride. You will get wet.”

    Guest: “Not in a blue seat. He just said.”

    Me: “He was making a joke. See? All the seats are red.”

    Guest: “Okay.” *pause* “Which seats are the dry seats, then?”

    In George We Trust

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Language & Words

    (I’ve just finished a transaction with a customer who only spoke Spanish, and am speaking to my coworker who translated for me.)

    Me: *to coworker* “I really should learn Spanish. So many customers come in and that’s all they speak.”

    Customer: “No, you shouldn’t.”

    Me: “It really would help. I have to get someone to translate every time I have a Spanish-speaking customer.”

    Customer: “But you aren’t in Mexico! You are in America!”

    Me: “Well, sir, America is a melting pot of all kinds of cultures and languages.”

    Customer: “But if you come to another country, you should learn the language they invented! George Washington invented English, and that’s what everyone in America should speak!”

    Havana Clue What She’s Talking About

    | Montana, USA | Language & Words

    (I have lived in the US for five years, but I still speak with a slight accent.)

    Me: “Did you find everything alright?”

    Customer: “Can someone else help me, please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I want someone who isn’t Mexican to help me. You already took enough jobs, thank you very much.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not Mexican.”

    Customer: “Yes, yes you are!” *reads my name tag* “Maria is such a Mexican name!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m Portuguese.”

    Customer: “Oh, Mexico, Portugal, Costa Rica. It’s all the same. You come into our country and steal all of our jobs. Just because you’ve hopped the fence doesn’t give you the right to be here!”

    Me: “Ma’am, Portugal is in Europe. It’s located next to Spain. We speak Portuguese there. It is impossible to hop across an ocean and into the US.”

    Customer: “Go back to Castro then, communist!”

    D as in Duh

    | Germany | Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “This computer’s serial number is 5, 2, Bravo, Delta–”

    Customer: “Whoa, hold up! I’m a civilian, I don’t do that military lingo. Try that again.”

    Me: “Okay, it’s 5, 2, B, D–”

    Customer: “Wait, was that two B’s?”

    Me: “No, that’s Bravo, Delta.”

    Customer: “I’m not in the military! Speak English!”

    Me: “B as in Bravo. D as in Delta.”

    Customer: “There, was that so hard?”

    Eva-nonsense

    | Bellevue, WA, USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I approach a teenage girl who seems to be looking for something.)

    Customer: “Do you have the Evanescence CD?”

    Me: “That would be over here. It looks like the only one we have left right now is a Australian import version, if that is okay with you?”

    Customer: “What does that mean? Is she singing in Australian or something?”


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