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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    History (Deep) Pans Out

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, History, Language & Words

    (A Native Canadian customer comes into the store with five small children.)

    Customer: “Why do the Deluxe and the Hawaiian pizza cost the same? One has more toppings!”

    Me: “To be honest, I’m not really sure. That’s just the way the company works, I guess.”

    Customer: “Well, can I get a discount for the Hawaiian, then? It has five less toppings!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

    Customer: *long pause* “You’re a cruel person.”

    Me: “Come again?”

    Customer: “Your people come here, give diseases, kill us all, steal our land, put our children in residential schools, and now this!”

    Had Too Many Muska-Beers

    | Nanaimo, B.C., Canada | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Language & Words

    Me: “Can I help you sir?”

    Customer: “Yes do you have any books by Alexander Dumba**?”

    Me: “I think you mean Alexandre Dumas?”

    Customer: “Oh, is that how you say it?”

    Prices Also Listed For Karate Kids

    | Mammoth Lakes, CA, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (The movie theater is small and only shows two movies. This week we were playing Grown Ups and another movie. A customer stands outside the box office looking very confused.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m confused about the movie times.”

    (I print out the movie schedule and hand it to her. She looks at it for a minute but still looks lost.)

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t help. It shows the times that you let the grown-ups in, but it says nothing about the children.”

    A Crude Assumption That Needs Refining

    | Norway | Crazy Requests, Language & Words

    Customer: “I need oil for my car. I need the 10-40.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re out of that.”

    Customer: “Well, go get some more.”

    Me: “I can’t just do that. I could order some for you, and it will be here in a couple of days.”

    Customer: “No! Just go back there!” *points to the storage room* “Get some from the tap.”

    Me: “The tap?”

    Customer: “I know that every gas station is connected to the oil rigs in the North Sea!”

    Can’t Take The Heat Of A Melting Pot

    | Trois-Rivières, QC, Canada | Canada, Language & Words, Top

    Coworker: “Hello, sir. Are you looking for something?”

    Customer: “I refuse to be helped by you. You’re Chinese. You’re another one of these darn immigrants stealing the honest Canadians’ jobs!”

    Coworker: “Well, my grandmother is from Japan, but I assure you I was born in the province of Quebec.”

    Customer: “Lies, lies, and lies!” *spots me* “Finally, a prime example of our good Canadian youth. Young sir, can you help me, please?”

    Me: *in my New Brunswick accent* “Sure I can. What are you looking for?”

    Customer: “What kind of accent is this? Are you German? Or Russian? Get me the manager! I don’t understand how a sane person could hire these instead of a hard working Canadian!”

    Me: *grabbing the phone* “Calling Maria to front desk.”

    Customer: “Maria!? That’s Latino!”

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