Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Don’t Get Yuppity With Me

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Language & Words

(I worked in a call center for an organization that helped people pay their light and gas bills based on their income. It’s Fall of 2011.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I have an application that says 2009-2010. Can I turn that in?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we’re only accepting ones for this season, so it needs to be one that says 2011-2012. I’ll send you a new one.”

Caller: “All right. I fill that out and mail it in?”

Me: “Yup!”

Caller: “Well, that’s stupid, but I’ll do it. By the way, do you say ‘yup’ a lot?”

Me: *joking* “I say variations of yes all the time like ‘yup’, ‘you bet’, ‘of course’, and sometimes, even ‘yuppers’!”

Caller: “Well, [caller’s name] taught English for many years, and ‘yup’ is not correct grammar. It annoys [caller’s name] very much!”

All Aboard The U.S.S. Gluteus Maximus

| Nevada, USA | Language & Words

Customer: “Is there a** sailing here?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “A** sailing. You know, like rock climbing?”

Me: “You mean abseiling?”

Customer: “That’s what I said!”

Made From Soylent Green

| Perth, WA, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “What salad would you like?”

Customer: “Lettuce, cucumber, capsicum, Filipino–”

Me: *laughing* “Did you mean jalapeño?”

Language That Belongs In The Toilet

| Apple Valley, MN, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(I’m stocking shelves when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any a** wipe?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You know, a** wipe?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Toilet paper?”

Me: “Oh! Aisle 6.”

(The customer smiles and leaves. I’m from the area, so I can confirm that “a** wipe” isn’t a regional term for toilet paper!)

You’re An Idi0t

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Language & Words

(I’ve just handed the customer her credit card receipt.)

Customer: “Why do they put that diagonal line through the O’s?”

Me: “To distinguish the zeroes from the O’s.”

Customer: “But they’re the same thing.”

Me: “Zero is a number, but O is a letter.”

Customer: “No, they’re the same thing!”

Page 57/75First...5556575859...Last