Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

| Gulfport, MS, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(Note: I am a male. It’s the week of Easter and I’m walking through the store, when suddenly I hear someone scream at me.)

Customer: “You don’t have any balls, do you?!”

(I stop in my tracks, shocked. I turn around to see a little old lady.)

Me: *laughing, embarrassed* “Um, what?”

Customer: “Little balls!”

(She shows me how small with her fingers. I stare at her, dumbfounded, jaw-dropped, and shrug.)

Customer: “You know, the chocolate Easter balls!”

Me: *erupting in laughter* “Oh, yeah, they’re right this way…”

Qurious Qucumbers

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Language & Words

Me: “Okay, great. Your confirmation number is A like ‘Apple’, Z like ‘Zebra’, Q like—”

Customer: *cheerfully* “Q like ‘Cucumber’?”

Me: “Sure. Q like Cucumber it is.”

Don’t Get Yuppity With Me

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Language & Words

(I worked in a call center for an organization that helped people pay their light and gas bills based on their income. It’s Fall of 2011.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I have an application that says 2009-2010. Can I turn that in?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we’re only accepting ones for this season, so it needs to be one that says 2011-2012. I’ll send you a new one.”

Caller: “All right. I fill that out and mail it in?”

Me: “Yup!”

Caller: “Well, that’s stupid, but I’ll do it. By the way, do you say ‘yup’ a lot?”

Me: *joking* “I say variations of yes all the time like ‘yup’, ‘you bet’, ‘of course’, and sometimes, even ‘yuppers’!”

Caller: “Well, [caller’s name] taught English for many years, and ‘yup’ is not correct grammar. It annoys [caller’s name] very much!”

All Aboard The U.S.S. Gluteus Maximus

| Nevada, USA | Language & Words

Customer: “Is there a** sailing here?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “A** sailing. You know, like rock climbing?”

Me: “You mean abseiling?”

Customer: “That’s what I said!”

Made From Soylent Green

| Perth, WA, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “What salad would you like?”

Customer: “Lettuce, cucumber, capsicum, Filipino–”

Me: *laughing* “Did you mean jalapeño?”

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