November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Focaccia, I Choose You

| TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “Hello, ma’am, would you like to order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a Pikachu.”

Me: *confused* “Pardon me?”

Customer: “A Pikachu! A Pikachu!” *points at the menu, where it says ‘focaccia’*

Me: “Right, one Pikachu…”

No IQ For IV

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words

(I work at a video store. A customer is on the far side of the store and yells out to me. He does not hold up the DVD.)

Customer: “Hey man, which Saw is this?”

Me: “Well, what does it say on the cover?”

Customer: “It doesn’t say anything!”

(I walk over to the customer and immediately recognise the problem.)

Me: “That would be Saw 4, sir. ‘IV’ means four.”

Yukon Not Steal It

| Strasbourg, France | Canada, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I’m Canadian, but I’m visiting my French cousin and helping him do some repairs on his cafe. While we’re working, a large family passes by, obviously lost. I’m wearing a shirt with a large Canadian flag on the back.)

Mother: “Excuse me! I’m sorry to bother you, but are you Canadian?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Mother: “Thank god! We’ve been lost for hours.”

(She shows me her map. Ultimately, I work out they’re trying to cross the border into Germany, but got lost trying to find out how to get there.)

Father: “Good thing the signs are all in French, or else we wouldn’t have managed to find our way around anywhere!”

Me: “Yeah, it sure makes things easier for Canadians, eh?”

(Suddenly, there’s a scuffle behind me. My cousin comes out dragging two of their sons behind him.)

Cousin: “They were trying to steal bottles of juice! I heard them planning it!”

Son #1: *to Son #2* “Well, how was I supposed to know they speak French here? They all sound so different!”

(Quebecois and French speakers do sound somewhat different, but angry mothers are universal!)

Yukon Call Them
Yukon See It On A Map, Part 3
Yukon Not Spend It
Yukon Not Believe This Juan

Ignorant About Immigrants

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words

(All of the signs in our store are both in English and Spanish.)

Me: “Welcome to [store name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna know why the h*** you people cater to them Mexicans!”

Me: “I’m sorry your feel that way, sir. But it is company policy that we post in multiple languages; we even have a phone line that can translate for our customers. We consider it good customer service.” 

Customer: “That is bull! We are in America and people should speak American!”

Me: *getting ornery* “Well, sir, even I don’t speak American. I speak English.”

Customer: “You are one of those Brits! Probably came here to take a good American job just like the rest of them!”

Me: “No sir, I’m not British. I was born and raised right here in Missouri.” 

Customer: “Then why don’t you speak American?”

(At this point my coworker, having overheard everything, steps in.)

Coworker: “Because ‘American’ isn’t a language.”

Customer: “Yes it is! You d*** foreign people are taking over! I’m never shopping here again!” *leaves*

Good Morning To Irony

| USA | Language & Words

(I work for a bookstore that publishes a yearly book of children’s stories. The store has these books on display near the cash registrars.)

Customer: *reads the title out loud*Say Good Night to Literacy.”

Me: “Actually, it is ‘illiteracy’. The writing is a little funky, and a lot of people have been reading it as literacy.”

Customer’s Friend: “What does ‘illiteracy’ even mean?”

Customer: “It means you can’t read.”