Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Sum Dim Customers

| Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “What can I fix for you today?”

Customer: “Uh, I’ll have a Tai Chi.”

Me: “A…what?”

Customer: “A Tai Chi!”

Me: “Oh, you mean a Chai Tea!”

Customer: “No, it’s a TAI CHI!”

Next Customer: “Ma’am, Tai Chi is a form of Asian exercise.”

Me: *to first customer* “Here’s your drink.”

Customer: *snaps up her drink and rushes out*

Next Customer: “Whatcha got in an aerobic latte?”

You’re An Idi0t, Part 2

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Language & Words

(In order to proceed on our site, users need to type in a signature consisting of their name and their username, which is an eight-digit number.)

Customer: “Every time I’m typin’ in my signature, it ain’t accepting it.”

Me: “Okay, well, I just want to make sure everything’s entered correctly in our system.”

(I read out their name, including spelling. Everything’s correct.)

Me: “Alright, let’s check your user ID. It should be zero-one-six—”

Customer: “Now, hold on. Do you mean the letter zero, or the number zero?”

Me: “…The number. Zero is a number.”

Customer: “Oh…huh. Well, that may be the problem. I been usin’ the alphabet-zero this whole time!”

Related:
You’re An Idi0t
You Have O Sense

The Linguistic Frontier

| Alaska, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I was born and raised in Alaska. I’ve been told by a lot of people that I sound very generically American. I’ve been answering questions for this couple for about five minutes.)

Me: “Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with!”

Male Tourist: “No, we’ll be fine, thanks.”

Me: “Okay. Enjoy your stay!”

Female Tourist: “Thanks, honey. You speak real good English for being an Alaskan!”

And A Pound Of Pronunciation, Please

| USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(Note: we sell almost any kind of vegetables at our grocery store.)

Customer: *checks a list* “A pound of [incomprehensible], please.”

Me: “Could you repeat that, please?”

Customer: “A pound of [incomprehensible]!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, never heard of [incomprehensible].”

Customer: *angrily* “[Incomprehensible]! You call yourself a grocery?!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have it!”

Customer: “I’ll never come back here again!” *leaves grumbling*

(An hour later, he returns.)

Customer: *apologetic smile* “Couldn’t read my handwriting. A pound of roast beef, please.”

Parlez-vous Douchebag

| Ontario, Canada | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top

(A customer comes in with his young son.)

Customer, to his son: *speaking French* “Don’t touch anything, okay?”

Child: “Okay.”

Me: “Teaching your son French early? That’s cool.”

Customer: “Yes, we only talk in French at home.”

Child: “What does he do?”

Customer: *speaking French* “He is just some stupid boy paying for his drug habit by working here. Don’t look at him.”

(The sale finishes going through and as the customer goes to leave.)

Me: *in my best French* “Isn’t French a great language to talk in? Anyway, enjoy the beer!”

Customer: *speechless*

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