Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Power Trips Of Ten

| New Port Richey, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Language & Words

(I work for a company that sends techs out to repair TVs and computers in customers’ homes. We have an automated call that goes out to confirm customers’ contact information and addresses. One day, a customer calls in.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [business]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I got that auto-call and it got my address wrong.”

Me: “Okay, just a second…”

(I pull up the customer’s information.)

Me: “Okay, I see that we have the address listed as 1-3-6 West—”

Caller: “NO! It’s ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX! It’s NOT ONE-THREE-SIX!”

Me: *confused*

Caller: “You fix that, okay?”

Me: “Sure…sir. I’ll…update that right now for you.”

Caller: “Thanks…bye!” *click*

The Cuss-tomer Is Always Right

| USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top

(A mother storms into our day camp. She’s holding her five-year-old son by the arm.)

Mom: “My son said the F-word last night after coming home from YOUR day camp. I will NOT have a bunch of unprofessional teenagers setting bad examples for my child!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. I have no idea which employee could have said that, but I will definitely call a meeting with all of our counselors to discuss this.”

Mom: “Yeah, you’d better. I should have all of you fired, really!”

(She turns to leave, but as she walks away she drops her sunglasses.)

Mom: “Oh, f***!”

So Much Pun

| Springfield, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words, Top

(I’m zoning the laundry aisle at a popular retail store. An elderly couple walks down the aisle. The husband makes a pun of every name brand he walks by.)

Customer: “CHEER up, dear. We’re in a new ERA now. We’re ALL together, and have everything to GAIN. So SNUGGLE up, but be careful. There’s a TIDE coming in, so SURF’s up!”

(Best. Old dude. Ever.)

Flayed Nerves

| California, USA | Language & Words

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a cookbook by a famous chef. He’s on TV. His name is Bobby Fray.”

Me: “Oh, sure…you mean Bobby Flay. Let me—”

Customer: “No, no, NO! I said Bobby FRAY. That’s F-R-A-Y. Fray!”

Me: “Okay, just follow me over to the cookbooks. We’ll take a look and see if we can find what you’re looking for.”

(She follows me to the cookbooks. I pull one of Bobby Flay’s books off the shelf and hand it to her.)

Me: “Is this the author you were looking for?”

Customer: “Yes! See, Bobby Fray—”

(Upon reading “Flay,” she screams in frustration and throws the book on the floor at my feet and storms out.)

Me: *speechless*

E Pluribus Dumbum

| Pennsylvania, USA | Language & Words

(We have a regular customer who always brings in his latest metal detector find for me to see, knowing that I’m a fan of antiques and history.)

Customer: “See this ring my metal detector found this morning?”

Me: *looks at the ring* “It looks like an old military officer’s ring. See the rank insignia on one side, the army seal on the other, and ‘E pluribus unum’ around where there used to be a gem/stone?”

Customer: “‘In God we trust.'”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “‘E pluribus unum’ means ‘In God we trust.'”

Me: “Actually, it is Latin for ‘Out of many, one.’ It’s the nation’s motto, meaning we are many states and people, but one country.”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “NO! It means ‘In God we trust’, like on money! WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?!” *storms out*

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