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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Dog Gone Crazy

    | North Miami, FL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (A customer who doesn’t seem to speak much English walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Where is chili?”

    Me: “Are you looking for chili mix or pre-made chili?”

    Customer: “Is chili in can?”

    (I tell him where to find the canned chili. A few minutes later, he comes up to me again.)

    Customer: “Sorry, I no find it. Help please?”

    Me: “Do you know what brand it was?”

    Customer: “It has picture of dog.”

    Me: “A dog logo? I can’t think of a brand that makes chili and has a dog logo.”

    Customer: “Is called… ah… What is it… um… [dog food brand]! Yes, that’s it! [Dog food brand] is name! The one with the dog!”

    Me: “Sir… [dog food brand] is a brand of dog food.”

    Customer: “Yes! Yes! Is chili with dog picture! Where is it? My family love it!”

    Knocked It Before He Thai’d It

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (Our store has a hot lunch station, which includes soup made in house.)

    Customer: “Is there a schedule for the soups? Like, is it the same thing week after week?”

    Me: “It is right here.” *pointing to this month’s soup menu*

    Customer: “It seems like the soups lately have all been kind of, well, leftish fringe. All red lentils and stuff.”

    (He scrutinizes the menu, muttering to himself.)

    Customer: “Ha! ‘German Sausage and Potato’. That’s normal. Who knows what the h*** is in ‘Thai Curry’."

    South Of The Border Of Intelligence

    | Illinois, USA | Language & Words

    (I’ve just answered a customer’s question in Spanish. Another customer has apparently heard it.)

    Customer: “Wow, you don’t even look Mexican!

    Me: “Well, that’s because I’m not.”

    Customer: “But you just talked to that woman in Spanish!”

    Me: “My father is Puerto Rican, so I’m pretty fluent.”

    Customer: “You’re not Mexican?”

    Me: “No. I’m American. Shall we go ahead with your transaction?”

    Customer: “Wow. Your English is excellent. No trace of a Mexican accent.”

    Me: *jokingly* “Well, it’s pretty hard to have a Mexican accent if you’ve never been to Mexico.”

    Customer: *winking* “Right.” *looks around* “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

    Lost In No Translation

    | The Hague, Netherlands | Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (A lost-looking tourist enters the shop.)

    Tourist: “Do any of y’all speak American?”

    Me: *joking* “I’m sorry, but we can only speak English.”

    Tourist: “Okay, sorry to bother you.” *leaves*

    Take It Away, Uncle Sam

    | New Zealand | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (Fast food places are often referred to as takeaway stores in New Zealand.)

    Me: “Hello and welcome to [fast food]. May I take your order?”

    Customer: “So, what is a tar… key… ah… way…?”

    Me: “Um, takeaways. As in food you can take away.”

    Customer: “Oh, is it a Maori word?”

    Me: “No sir. It’s an English word. May I ask, are you from out of New Zealand?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m from America, but you’re lying about takeaways being an English word. I’ve been to Canada and they don’t use it there!”

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