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  • Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Indecent Disbursal

    , | Georgia, USA | Language & Words

    (I am a supervisor for a cell phone support center. I am plugging into my representative’s desk to grade one of their calls when I hear the following exchange.)

    Customer: “So, put me on that plan then.”

    Rep: “All right. I just need to go over some legal info with you.”

    Customer: “Are you going to procreate me?”

    Rep: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, procreate me and I get some money back.”

    (The rep is clearly confused, so I chime in.)

    Me: “I think she means ‘prorate.’”

    Rep: “Oh! Did you mean ‘prorate?’”

    Customer: “Yeah! Procreate and get money back!”

    Rep: “Yes. We can…prorate…your account.”

    More Repulsive Than Attractive

    | California, USA | Language & Words

    (I overhear a coworker, who is currently on the register, talking with a customer as he hands her the food she just paid for.)

    Coworker: “Here you go ma’am. Have a nice night!”

    Customer: “Can I get one of those maggots?”

    Coworker: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “A maggot!”

    Coworker: “I don’t understand what you’re asking for.”

    Customer: “One of the maggots you have all over your fridge!” *points at our drink refrigerator*

    Coworker: “Oh! A magnet. Sure! Let me get you one…”

    Clothing That Just Takes Control

    | Miami, FL, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I work at a charity that accepts donations.)

    Customer: *quite loudly* “Where can I leave my domination clothing?”

    Me: *stares shocked*

    Customer: “That’s the wrong word, isn’t it?”

    Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (I am signing to a deaf couple, asking them if they need help. Before they can reply, a customer interrupts me.)

    Customer: *gasping* “You’re in a gang!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I saw you! You flashed them a gang sign!”

    Me: *laughing* “No, ma’am, it’s ASL.”

    Customer: “I don’t care what your gang is called. It’s people like you that make me scared to go out at night!”

    (She leaves with her purchase, which turns out to be a shirt that says “B****es Get Stitches.”)

    Incomprehensibly Intemperate

    | Edison, NJ, USA | Language & Words

    (My girlfriend and I are coworkers at a retail store. She is bilingual, but Spanish is her native language. If you yell at her while speaking in English, she won’t understand what you’re saying. It will sound jumbled up to her.)

    Girlfriend: “Okay, sir. That all rings up to $30.42.”

    Customer: *yelling* “What? How the f*** is it that expensive?!”

    Girlfriend: “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

    Customer: “You little b****! You’re trying to cheat me out of my money!”

    Girlfriend: “Sir, can you please not yell? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do, you liar! There’s no way it can cost that much!”

    (At this point, my girlfriend is getting frustrated and calls me over to translate.)

    Girlfriend: “Kaycee, please tell me what he’s saying.”

    Customer: “This b**** is trying to cheat me out of money!”

    Me: “Sir, she cannot understand you because you are yelling at her. If you would simply talk in a normal voice, she will understand you. Also, I’m looking on the screen at your items, and she is not trying to cheat you. Your total comes up to $30.42.”

    Customer: “She understood me before!”

    Me: “That’s because you were not yelling. She does not understand when people yell at her. Furthermore, accusing her of cheating you when she is not will not get you a lower price. You still have to pay the full price.”

    Customer: “F*** that! I’m not paying that price!”

    Me: “So, you had my girlfriend ring all your items up, and now you are refusing to pay for them because you don’t like the price?”

    Customer: “That’s right! See if I ever shop here again!” *storms out of store*

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