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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Not The Only Thing In Need Of Maintenance

    , | Saskatchewan, Canada | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (We’re closed for maintenance, and have shut off all the exterior lights, including those in drive-thru. We also put a sign on the drive-thru menu stating we’re closed. A car pulls into drive-thru, and I put on a headset. All of this takes places via drive-thru speaker.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m sorry, but we’re currently closed for maintenance. Our other location down the street will be happy to serve you.”

    Customer: “Hey, we just need a minute. Your lights are off, and it’s hard to see the menu.”

    Me: “Sorry, I said we’re closed for maintenance. That’s why the lights are off.”

    Customer: “Okay, we’re ready.”

    Me: “Sorry, I said we’re closed. Our other store just a few blocks down the street will be happy to help.”

    (The customer says their order.)

    Customer: “Hello? Did you get that?”

    Me: *gives up* “Welcome to [restaurant]. Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed due to the store being closed for maintenance. For service in English, please press one.” *switches to French* “Pour service en Francais, poussez le deux.” *switches to Spanish* “Para el servicio en Español, presione por favor el numero tres.”

    (Faint laughter as the rest of the car’s passengers start laughing.)

    Customer: “Uh…” *whispers* “What do I do?” *laughter from other passengers* “Uh… one?”

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. Our hours of operation are 7 am to 3 am, except today, because we are closed… due… to… maintenance. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP!”

    (Squeal of tires as the car peels away, the rest of the passengers killing themselves laughing.)

    Best Not Order The French Fries

    | Tennessee, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I come in on my day off to get my paycheck. My boss asks me to help with a table of two people who are speaking mostly French before I go. When I am done another customer calls me over.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, don’t you work here?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I do. It’s just my day off today. Would you like me to get your server?”

    Customer: “What were you just talking in? It was some kind of foreign talk. At that other table there?”

    Me: “Oh, I speak a little bit of French, so I was helping the server.”

    Customer: “You can do that?”

    Me: “Do what, sir?”

    Customer: “You can speak French in here? Isn’t that illegal?!”

    Me: “To speak French?”

    Customer: “Yeah! I mean, this is a Mexican restaurant. You could get shot for speaking in French! Or even just thinking about talking in French!”

    Me: “Well–”

    Customer: “Shot!”

    Me: “I don’t think–”

    Customer: “Shot!”

    Me: “Sir–”

    Customer: “SHOT I SAID!”

    Boss: “It’s okay. She was thinking about the words in Spanish.”

    Customer: “Oh good.” *whispers to me* “Don’t ever try to talk in British in here. It won’t end well.”

    (My boss made a gun out of paperclips and attached them to all of my paychecks after that.)

    That’s One Supportive Mother

    | Maidstone, UK | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “Hi, can I help you at all?”

    Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for a present for my son. It’s called a ‘gay boy advanced’?”

    Me: “I’m hoping you meant a Game Boy Advanced?”

    Customer: “Oh? What did I say?”

    Babel-ing On

    | Chula Vista, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant] I’ll be your server this evening.”

    Customer: “Habla español?”

    Me: “No sir, I don’t.”

    Customer: “Italian?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “French?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Customer: “Well, then what language do you speak?”

    Dog Gone Crazy

    | North Miami, FL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (A customer who doesn’t seem to speak much English walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Where is chili?”

    Me: “Are you looking for chili mix or pre-made chili?”

    Customer: “Is chili in can?”

    (I tell him where to find the canned chili. A few minutes later, he comes up to me again.)

    Customer: “Sorry, I no find it. Help please?”

    Me: “Do you know what brand it was?”

    Customer: “It has picture of dog.”

    Me: “A dog logo? I can’t think of a brand that makes chili and has a dog logo.”

    Customer: “Is called… ah… What is it… um… [dog food brand]! Yes, that’s it! [Dog food brand] is name! The one with the dog!”

    Me: “Sir… [dog food brand] is a brand of dog food.”

    Customer: “Yes! Yes! Is chili with dog picture! Where is it? My family love it!”


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