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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Your Comprehension Of Comprehension Is Incomprehensible

    | Illinois, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (I am a bookstore clerk at the local high school. I am talking to a mom who is getting the books her daughter needs.)

    Mother: “My daughter doesn’t have a problem with comprehension! She just doesn’t understand the material.”

    Indecent Disbursal

    , | Georgia, USA | Language & Words

    (I am a supervisor for a cell phone support center. I am plugging into my representative’s desk to grade one of their calls when I hear the following exchange.)

    Customer: “So, put me on that plan then.”

    Rep: “All right. I just need to go over some legal info with you.”

    Customer: “Are you going to procreate me?”

    Rep: “…excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, procreate me and I get some money back.”

    (The rep is clearly confused, so I chime in.)

    Me: “I think she means ‘prorate.’”

    Rep: “Oh! Did you mean ‘prorate?’”

    Customer: “Yeah! Procreate and get money back!”

    Rep: “Yes. We can…prorate…your account.”

    More Repulsive Than Attractive

    | California, USA | Language & Words

    (I overhear a coworker, who is currently on the register, talking with a customer as he hands her the food she just paid for.)

    Coworker: “Here you go ma’am. Have a nice night!”

    Customer: “Can I get one of those maggots?”

    Coworker: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “A maggot!”

    Coworker: “I don’t understand what you’re asking for.”

    Customer: “One of the maggots you have all over your fridge!” *points at our drink refrigerator*

    Coworker: “Oh! A magnet. Sure! Let me get you one…”

    Clothing That Just Takes Control

    | Miami, FL, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I work at a charity that accepts donations.)

    Customer: *quite loudly* “Where can I leave my domination clothing?”

    Me: *stares shocked*

    Customer: “That’s the wrong word, isn’t it?”

    Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (I am signing to a deaf couple, asking them if they need help. Before they can reply, a customer interrupts me.)

    Customer: *gasping* “You’re in a gang!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I saw you! You flashed them a gang sign!”

    Me: *laughing* “No, ma’am, it’s ASL.”

    Customer: “I don’t care what your gang is called. It’s people like you that make me scared to go out at night!”

    (She leaves with her purchase, which turns out to be a shirt that says “B****es Get Stitches.”)

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