This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!
(Note: we sell almost any kind of vegetables at our grocery store.)
Customer: *checks a list* “A pound of [incomprehensible], please.”
Me: “Could you repeat that, please?”
Customer: “A pound of [incomprehensible]!”
Me: “Sorry, sir, never heard of [incomprehensible].”
Customer: *angrily* “[Incomprehensible]! You call yourself a grocery?!”
Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have it!”
Customer: “I’ll never come back here again!” *leaves grumbling*
(An hour later, he returns.)
Customer: *apologetic smile* “Couldn’t read my handwriting. A pound of roast beef, please.”
(A customer comes in with his young son.)
Customer, to his son: *speaking French* “Don’t touch anything, okay?”
Me: “Teaching your son French early? That’s cool.”
Customer: “Yes, we only talk in French at home.”
Child: “What does he do?”
Customer: *speaking French* “He is just some stupid boy paying for his drug habit by working here. Don’t look at him.”
(The sale finishes going through and as the customer goes to leave.)
Me: *in my best French* “Isn’t French a great language to talk in? Anyway, enjoy the beer!”
Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!
- Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
- It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
- I Have Lost A Dream:
A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
- Spelling Gone Rogue:
Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(I’ve just started on the floor for customer service for a cable company. A customer calls in saying his TV is “muddy”.)
Me: “Sorry, sir, I’m not understanding what is wrong with your TV. Is it pixelated, blue, or fuzzy?”
Customer: “No, it’s muddy.”
(After a few minutes of trying to figure out exactly what he meant by muddy.)
Me: “Sir…do you have mud on your TV?”
Customer: “D*** it! I said it’s muddy. M-U-T-E…MUDDY!”
Me: “Sir, do you see a muddy button on your remote?
Customer: “Yes. ”
Me: “Press the button.”
Customer: “That fixed it. Thank you so much!”
Customer: “I’d like a latrine!”
Me: “Oh, okay, the bathroom is just—”
Customer: “No! How much is a latrine?”
Me: “Well, ma’am, there’s no charge for using the—”
Customer: “No! Of soup! How much?”
Me: “OH! A tureen!”
Customer: “Yes, how much is a latrine of soup?”