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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Language Barrier Drives A Wedge Between Us

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

    (Our snack bar sell typical snack bar type stuff, like popcorn and pretzels, as well as pizzas. Two clearly foreign women come to the counter and look at the menu for a few moments.)

    Me: “What can I get you tonight?”

    Customer #1: “You have pizza?”

    Me: “Yes, I have a cheese pizza coming out of the oven in just a minute, and a pepperoni ready right now.”

    Customer #1: “You have wedgie?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer #2: “You have wedgie deluxe?”

    Me: “I don’t think so.”

    (I suddenly realize that they’re trying to say ‘Veggie’.)

    Me: “No, we don’t. We only have cheese and pepperoni.”

    Customer #1: “No wedgie toppings?”

    Me: *trying very hard not to crack up laughing* “No, sorry, just cheese and pepperoni.”

    (They thank me and walk away. A few moments later, they return and order the cheese pizza.)

    Customer #1: “You should get wedgie. I love it.”

    Acting Nutty

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Technology

    (I am helping a customer scan and email important documents to his insurance company. He speaks English very poorly.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. The email is sending now. It will just take a moment. There! Sent!”

    Customer: “Is sent?”

    Me: “Yes. Your agent should get the email any second now.”

    Customer: “Oh! Am so happy! Happy like SQUIRREL!”

    Giving The French Stick

    | AK, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    Customer: *with a strong French accent* “I would like a ticket to Paris, USA.”

    (His friends are snickering.)

    Me: “The one in Illinois or in Tennessee?”

    Customer: *pauses* “What?”

    Me: “Do you want Paris IL, or Paris TN?”

    Customer: “How about Marseilles?”

    Me: “Okay, Marseilles in Illinois or Ohio?”

    Customer: “Berlin?”

    Me: “So, Connecticut?”

    Customer: “Moscow?”

    Me: “Idaho?”

    Customer: “You’re making that up.”

    (I show him the screen for Moscow, Idaho.)

    Customer: “Look, I was only pointing out that American movies always list the city and country for a location because you’re too d*** stupid to know that Paris is in France!”

    There Is Norway I Can Understand You

    | Trondheim, Norway | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (A young boy, about 12, is walking around confused.)

    Me: *in Norwegian* “Where are your parents?”

    Child: *clearly British* “Why the heck do people here assume I speak bloody Norwegian?”

    Me: *in English* “You’re in Norway.”

    Child: “Oh, yeah.”

    Getting To The Out Source Of The Matter

    | Tempe, AZ, USA | Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “Hello, you have reached [business name]. This is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Oh, thank God! I was just talking to some mush mouth who couldn’t speak English right at all. You shouldn’t outsource; do your employers outsource? People can’t understand you when you outsource.”

    Me: “Well, I am sorry for that. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I want my password. That mush mouth changed it, and now I can’t log in.”

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. May I have your ID and what you want your password to be?”

    Caller: “Just change it back to what it was.”

    Me: “Well, I apologize, but I can not do that. For security reasons we can not see a password, only set it to something else. I can set it to a default or anything you request.”

    Caller: “Well, I am requesting the old password. Just fix it.”

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but it’s impossible for me to know.”

    Caller: “Well, my internet knows. It tries to use the password. Just take it from that.”

    Me: “I can not take a password from your browser. If your login was working, why did you call to change your password?”

    Caller: “The news told me people can take that information and steal all your files, so I was worried.”

    Me: “Ma’am, your information is safe, I assure you.”

    Caller: “Then why can’t you just change my password back to ‘Password’?”

    Me: “Your old password was ‘Password’?”

    Caller: “Yes.”

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