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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Better Than Swimming With The Fishes

    | New York, USA | Language & Words

    (Like any grocery store, we have different departments, including seafood. I work in the customer service department. Even though the phone system gives you options of different departments to connect you to them, many customers will just choose our number because it’s one of the first suggested.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store], this is [name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh, hello, yes! I would like to speak with the fishes!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the fishes?”

    Customer: “Yes! The fishes!”

    Me: “You mean the seafood department?”

    Customer: “Yes! The fishes!”

    Language Barrage, Intelligence Mirage

    | Joplin, MO, USA | Language & Words

    (I work in the box office of a movie theater. A teenage girl comes up and asks me about Angelina Jolie’s new movie.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [theater]. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “What’s the movie Salt about?”

    Me: “Well, it’s got Angelina Jolie in it and it’s about espionage.

    (A very confused looked crosses the girl’s face while she processes what I’ve said for several seconds. She’s clearly hung up on the word “espionage”.)

    Customer: “Oh…so it’s in Spanish?”

    Shh, The Neighbors Will Hear

    | Michigan, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (At our movie theater, “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” is playing. A 70- or 80-year-old woman approaches.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a ticket to that new movie.”

    Me: “No problem. What movie are you looking for, ma’am?”

    Customer: “That new one. You know, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Nasty.”

    Questionable Questioning

    | England, UK | Language & Words

    (I am in the concessions stand selling nachos.)

    Me: “Do you want jalapeños?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why is jalapeños pronounced like it has an ‘h’ in the beginning?”

    Me: “I believe it’s a Spanish word.”

    Customer: *indignant* “Well, I don’t really care.”

    ¿Cómo se dice “Anger Issues”?

    | Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Habla español?”

    Me: “No habla español.”

    Customer: “You just did.”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You just spoke f***ing Spanish. You’re a f***ing liar!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I only speak a few phrases in Spanish. I’d be happy to find an associate that speaks Spanish to further help you.”

    Customer: “You’re a f***ing racist! I speak perfect english!” *storms off*

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