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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Hospitality Is Going South

    | LA, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [restaurant]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I have some questions about a party coming in next week.”

    (I pull up our reservation book and review the information with the guest. She is very agitated, and makes a request that we are unable to take care of.)

    Me: “No ma’am. I’m afraid we have no way to do that. If you—”

    Customer: “How dare you! Don’t talk to me that way! I know exactly what you are doing! I hate it when you Southerners use ‘ma’am’! Don’t think I don’t know what you mean!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I am so f***ing sick of your fake southern bulls***! I moved down here with my husband. He’s from here and I’m not. I’m so sick of you people calling me ‘ma’am’! I know that you aren’t really being polite, you’re being ugly to me and trying to pretend it’s polite so I won’t know what you’re f***ing doing! But I’m not a f***ing idiot. You are the rudest b**** I’ve ever met, you and all you other southern b*****s. F*** you!”

    (She hangs up and I am left thinking how sad her husband’s life must be. 15 minutes later, I get a phone call from the same woman.)

    Customer: *sheepishly* “I’m sorry. My husband heard the whole thing and demanded I apologize. He told me everyone in the South uses ‘ma’am’, and it’s just good manners. I just moved here with him and I can’t make any friends!”

    The Grinch Comes Earlier Every Year

    , | IN, USA | Holidays, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month

    (I have rung up a customer, and hand her the food. She is getting ready to drive away.)

    Me: “Have a happy Thanksgiving!”

    Customer: *yelling fairly loudly* “Well, that was rude! It’s ‘Happy Holidays.’ Saying Thanksgiving is politically incorrect! Stupid girl!”

    Not Quite The Muffin Top Of The Class

    , | QLD, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am working on drive-thru at a major fast food restaurant.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. Please place your order.”

    Customer: “Can I have a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin?”

    Me: “So, two bacon and egg muffins.”

    Customer: “No… I want a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

    Me: “Umm… so, two bacon and egg muffins?

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “You just said you want a bacon and egg muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

    Customer: “I want a bacon muffin and a bacon and egg muffin.”

    Me: “So, two bacon and egg muffins, one without egg.”

    Customer: “No! Just give me two bacon and egg muffins.”

    Me: *gives up* “…Sure. That will just be $7.30 at the first window.”

    Name Changer Is A Game Changer

    | Bellevue, NE, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I work for a nationwide retail company. We do not price match or accept coupons from other stores. The company name is very similar to another company of the same type, and people often get them confused. I ring up a customer’s items and total the sale before she hands me a page of coupons from a similar company’s ad flyer.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but these coupons are from [other company].”

    Customer: “Well, what is this?”

    (I look down at my apron, which displays my company’s logo.)

    Me: “This is [company name].”

    Customer: *angrily* “Well, it says [other company] out on the sign!”

    (I points to the sign by the street, which is visible from where we are standing.)

    Me: “No, ma’am, I assure you that this is [company name].”

    Customer: *shoves coupons back in her purse* “You guys should change your name!”

    Google Oglala

    | OR, USA | Language & Words

    (I work for an in-home care company as a caregiver. I am assigned to this lady for a couple of hours as a one-time thing.)

    Lady: “See my beads? I got those from my native tribe.”

    Me: “Oh, you’re Native American? That’s really cool; so am I.”

    Lady: “Yes, I’m from the Ogalalo Sioux tribe.”

    (I happen to be from the tribe she’s talking about, which is pronounced ‘Oglala’.)

    Me: “I think you’re talking about the Oglala Sioux tribe.”

    Lady: “No, it’s not! It’s Ogalalo!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I happen to be from the tribe you are referring to, and I know that’s it’s pronounced ‘Oglala’.”

    Lady: “No! It’s ‘OGALALO’! You have no idea what you’re talking about! My late husband was native and he told me about all the tribes!”

    (At this point, her current husband, who is sitting in the chair next to her, puts down his newspaper.)

    Husband: “And he probably told you it was ‘Oglala’. Look it up.”

    (She is sitting at the computer at the time, so she goes and googled it. Sure enough, the search corrects her and says, ‘Do you mean ‘Oglala Sioux?’.)

    Lady: “F***!”

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