October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Word Choice Makes An Explosion Of Difference

| USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(For a special holiday event hosted by a local organization our fast food restaurant gives them coupons for small ice cream cones to give to children as prizes. We are open the same day and the event lasts all day long. Our poor old ice cream machine quickly overheats and starts gushing liquid ice cream all over the floor.)

Customer #1: *screaming so loud i can hear her through my coworkers headset* “What do you mean we can’t get ice cream? Why do you think we came here in the first place?!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the ice cream machine is currently down and—”

Customer #1: “Of course it is! You know what? F*** YOU!”

(The customer drives off, pissed. Just like most of our other customers for that day.)

Me: “You look frazzled. Give me the headset for a while.”

Coworker: “Oh, God, thank you!”

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, we got these coupons for free ice cream cones. Can we get that?”

Me: “I’d love to make those for you! …except our ice cream machine exploded earlier today.”

Customer #2: “Oh, My God! Is everyone okay?”

Me: “Yes, no one was hurt but it did make quite a mess. Someone’s coming out to look at it tomorrow but it probably won’t be fixed until Monday.”

Customer #2: “Okay, we’ll just hold onto our coupons then. Let’s just get [order].”

Me: “Yes, sir, your total is [total] at the first window.” *turning to my coworker* “I think I just accidentally discovered something…”

(Every time someone asked for ice cream for the rest of the day, we told them the ice cream machine exploded and suddenly no one was screaming at us anymore because we were unable to make cones. Word choice is important!)

I Swear By My Password

, | TX, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I work for an ISP that also provides e-mail. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I just got a new computer, and I can’t remember the password to log into my e-mail.”

Me: “I can certainly help you out with that. Give me one moment to bring up your account.”

(I verify some information with her and bring up her info, including her e-mail password. Because of what it is though, I’m having trouble figuring out how to give it to her.)

Me: “Okay… So, I have your password up now. So I just want to be clear that what I’m about to tell you is really what I’m seeing on my screen.”

Customer: “All right.”

Me: “Okay, well, the password is ‘f*** you.'”

(I hear some typing in the background.)

Customer: “Great! That was it! Thank you so much!” *click*

Getting It All In Español, Part 2

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(A group of guys come in speaking Spanish, which I understand and speak fairly well. They shove the one white guy in the group forward to talk to me, the white hostess.)

Guy: *in English* “Hi, uh, can we get a table for eight, please?”

Me: *in English* “Sure thing. I think I have one cleared off, but let me go check for you.”

Guy: *in English* “Yeah, no problem.”

(I go to check the table. It is clear. When I get back, the guys are talking to the bartender in Spanish.)

Guy: *in Spanish* “The girl here was pretty cute, huh, man?”

Bartender: *in Spanish* “Yeah, she’s okay.” *looks at me, says in Spanish with an evil grin:* “Hey, white girl, is the table ready yet?”

Me: *in Spanish* “Yeah, it’s ready. Come on, guys.”

(The whole group blushed bright red. They were very polite to the staff the whole time and left us a great tip!)

Getting It All In Español

Doesn’t Quite Swear By That DVD Player

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work at a store that doesn’t do refunds. If a customer wants to return an item, we can only offer to exchange it for the exact same item, or give store credit to put towards a new purchase.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this DVD player. It no longer works.”

Me: “Sure. Would you like to do a straight exchange, or would you like a store credit?”

Customer: “Straight exchange, please. I really like this DVD player, and I’d really like another one like it.”

Me: “All right, just let me see if we have any in stock.”

(I do a search on my computer, and we show zero in stock. I even check with the stockroom staff to verify this.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid to say this, but we no longer have this DVD player in stock.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m absolutely sure. There aren’t any on the shelves, the computer says we have zero, and there aren’t any in the back. We’re all tapped out, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Aw, s***!”

(Both the customer and I notice that there’s a small child next to us, and he heard the whole thing.)

Customer: “Uh, I mean poo-poo caca. Aw, poo-poo caca, I can’t believe you ran out of my favorite DVD player. Can you check to see if any other locations might still have it? I’m sorry to ask you this, but I really like this DVD player.”

Me: “Sure thing. Which location is the nearest to you?”

Customer: “Can you try [Location #1]?”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I dial the number to Location #1 to make my inquiry.)

Me: “I just got off the phone with [Location #1]. They don’t have it either.”

Customer: “Poo-poo caca. Can you try [Location #2]?”

(I phone up Location #2.)

Me: “They don’t have it either.”

Customer: “Aw, poo-poo caca. Can you try [Location #3]?”

Me: “Okay…”

(This went on for four more locations, and they all don’t have the very specific DVD player that my customer is looking for. Every time I told him the bad news, he responded with “poo-poo caca.”)

Totally Estúpido, Part 2

, , | Cleveland, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I have a Hispanic name, but was born in raised in the United States; therefore, I have no accent. The phone rings and I’m the closest so I go to pick it up.)

Me: “Having a great day at [Restaurant]. This is [Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: *beep*

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: *beep*

Me: *I try one more time before hanging up*

Customer: “English.”

Me: *in an overly enthusiastic voice* “Having a great day at [Restaurant]. This is [Non-Hispanic Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, that’s better. I think I got the Spanish line when I first called.”

Page 5/82First...34567...Last