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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Psychos Are Crazy Precise

    | USA | Language & Words

    (I sell jewelry at a major department store. A foreign customer comes in wanting to see some merchandise at my watch counter.)

    Customer: “I want to see a Psycho!”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “I want to see a Psycho!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not quite comprehending.”

    (He points to the watches inside my counter.)

    Me: “Oh, you want to see a Seiko!”

    They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I am a male. It’s the week of Easter and I’m walking through the store, when suddenly I hear someone scream at me.)

    Customer: “You don’t have any balls, do you?!”

    (I stop in my tracks, shocked. I turn around to see a little old lady.)

    Me: *laughing, embarrassed* “Um, what?”

    Customer: “Little balls!”

    (She shows me how small with her fingers. I stare at her, dumbfounded, jaw-dropped, and shrug.)

    Customer: “You know, the chocolate Easter balls!”

    Me: *erupting in laughter* “Oh, yeah, they’re right this way…”

    Qurious Qucumbers

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Language & Words

    Me: “Okay, great. Your confirmation number is A like ‘Apple’, Z like ‘Zebra’, Q like—”

    Customer: *cheerfully* “Q like ‘Cucumber’?”

    Me: “Sure. Q like Cucumber it is.”

    Don’t Get Yuppity With Me

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Language & Words

    (I worked in a call center for an organization that helped people pay their light and gas bills based on their income. It’s Fall of 2011.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I have an application that says 2009-2010. Can I turn that in?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we’re only accepting ones for this season, so it needs to be one that says 2011-2012. I’ll send you a new one.”

    Caller: “All right. I fill that out and mail it in?”

    Me: “Yup!”

    Caller: “Well, that’s stupid, but I’ll do it. By the way, do you say ‘yup’ a lot?”

    Me: *joking* “I say variations of yes all the time like ‘yup’, ‘you bet’, ‘of course’, and sometimes, even ‘yuppers’!”

    Caller: “Well, [caller's name] taught English for many years, and ‘yup’ is not correct grammar. It annoys [caller's name] very much!”

    All Aboard The U.S.S. Gluteus Maximus

    | Nevada, USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Is there a** sailing here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “A** sailing. You know, like rock climbing?”

    Me: “You mean abseiling?”

    Customer: “That’s what I said!”

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