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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    To Conjugate A Thief

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (Although I don’t look like it, I am fluent in Japanese and Korean. I am working at a register, checking out a Japanese family that is buying snacks.)

    Father: *in Japanese* “Son, when the cashier isn’t looking, put the candy bars in your pockets so we don’t have to pay for them.”

    (Hearing this, I add the candy bars to the purchase. The family pays and leaves. Two minutes later, the father returns.)

    Father: “Why did you charge me for four candy bars?! I didn’t buy any candy bars! You just charged me to make extra money! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: *in Japanese* “Maybe you should come up with your plans to steal 89 cent candy bars BEFORE you come up to the register.”

    (The father was stunned. He apologized and left embarrassed.)

    D As In Duh, Part 2

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Language & Words

    Me: “You’ll also want to check out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid.  You can apply for that online if you have internet connection.”

    Caller: “I do. What’s the URL?”

    Me: “All right. It’s www dot ‘F’ as in ‘Frank,’ ‘A’…”

    Caller: “Sorry, how do you spell that?”

    Me: *confused* “…How do you spell what?”

    Caller: “Effasinfrank.”

    Related:
    D As In Duh

    Sum Dim Customers

    | Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “What can I fix for you today?”

    Customer: “Uh, I’ll have a Tai Chi.”

    Me: “A…what?”

    Customer: “A Tai Chi!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a Chai Tea!”

    Customer: “No, it’s a TAI CHI!”

    Next Customer: “Ma’am, Tai Chi is a form of Asian exercise.”

    Me: *to first customer* “Here’s your drink.”

    Customer: *snaps up her drink and rushes out*

    Next Customer: “Whatcha got in an aerobic latte?”

    You’re An Idi0t, Part 2

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Language & Words

    (In order to proceed on our site, users need to type in a signature consisting of their name and their username, which is an eight-digit number.)

    Customer: “Every time I’m typin’ in my signature, it ain’t accepting it.”

    Me: “Okay, well, I just want to make sure everything’s entered correctly in our system.”

    (I read out their name, including spelling. Everything’s correct.)

    Me: “Alright, let’s check your user ID. It should be zero-one-six—”

    Customer: “Now, hold on. Do you mean the letter zero, or the number zero?”

    Me: “…The number. Zero is a number.”

    Customer: “Oh…huh. Well, that may be the problem. I been usin’ the alphabet-zero this whole time!”

    Related:
    You’re An Idi0t
    You Have O Sense

    The Linguistic Frontier

    | Alaska, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I was born and raised in Alaska. I’ve been told by a lot of people that I sound very generically American. I’ve been answering questions for this couple for about five minutes.)

    Me: “Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with!”

    Male Tourist: “No, we’ll be fine, thanks.”

    Me: “Okay. Enjoy your stay!”

    Female Tourist: “Thanks, honey. You speak real good English for being an Alaskan!”

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