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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    How About Some Split Pee Soup

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “I’d like a latrine!”

    Me: “Oh, okay, the bathroom is just—”

    Customer: “No! How much is a latrine?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, there’s no charge for using the—”

    Customer: “No! Of soup! How much?”

    Me: “OH! A tureen!”

    Customer: “Yes, how much is a latrine of soup?”

    No Recognition Or Cognition

    | Canada | Language & Words, Technology

    (A customer comes in asking for dictation software. I showed him a very popular dictation package.)

    Customer: “Does that use voice recognition?”

    Me: “Yes, it does.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t want that! Voice recognition doesn’t work. Do you have any dictation software that doesn’t use voice recognition?”

    Me: “No, we do not.”

    Customer: *looks annoyed and leaves*

    Thanks For Shopping At Las Saggy Knees

    | Peterborough, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any las-ange?”

    Me: “Las-ange?”

    Customer: “Yes, it says on my list, ‘las-ange.’”

    (He shows me a shopping list with the word ‘lasagne’ written on it.)

    Me: *showing him lasagna* “Here’s the lasagna.”

    Customer: “No, no! That’s lasag-knee. I want las-ange.”

    Me: “Well, lasag-knee is the same as las-ange.”

    Customer: “Hmm, I’d better leave it. I don’t want to upset the misses by getting the wrong stuff!”

    Psychos Are Crazy Precise

    | USA | Language & Words

    (I sell jewelry at a major department store. A foreign customer comes in wanting to see some merchandise at my watch counter.)

    Customer: “I want to see a Psycho!”

    Me: “I beg your pardon?”

    Customer: “I want to see a Psycho!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not quite comprehending.”

    (He points to the watches inside my counter.)

    Me: “Oh, you want to see a Seiko!”

    They Are Not The Balls You Are Looking For

    | Gulfport, MS, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (Note: I am a male. It’s the week of Easter and I’m walking through the store, when suddenly I hear someone scream at me.)

    Customer: “You don’t have any balls, do you?!”

    (I stop in my tracks, shocked. I turn around to see a little old lady.)

    Me: *laughing, embarrassed* “Um, what?”

    Customer: “Little balls!”

    (She shows me how small with her fingers. I stare at her, dumbfounded, jaw-dropped, and shrug.)

    Customer: “You know, the chocolate Easter balls!”

    Me: *erupting in laughter* “Oh, yeah, they’re right this way…”

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