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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Sum Dim Customers

    | Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “What can I fix for you today?”

    Customer: “Uh, I’ll have a Tai Chi.”

    Me: “A…what?”

    Customer: “A Tai Chi!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a Chai Tea!”

    Customer: “No, it’s a TAI CHI!”

    Next Customer: “Ma’am, Tai Chi is a form of Asian exercise.”

    Me: *to first customer* “Here’s your drink.”

    Customer: *snaps up her drink and rushes out*

    Next Customer: “Whatcha got in an aerobic latte?”

    You’re An Idi0t, Part 2

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Language & Words

    (In order to proceed on our site, users need to type in a signature consisting of their name and their username, which is an eight-digit number.)

    Customer: “Every time I’m typin’ in my signature, it ain’t accepting it.”

    Me: “Okay, well, I just want to make sure everything’s entered correctly in our system.”

    (I read out their name, including spelling. Everything’s correct.)

    Me: “Alright, let’s check your user ID. It should be zero-one-six—”

    Customer: “Now, hold on. Do you mean the letter zero, or the number zero?”

    Me: “…The number. Zero is a number.”

    Customer: “Oh…huh. Well, that may be the problem. I been usin’ the alphabet-zero this whole time!”

    Related:
    You’re An Idi0t
    You Have O Sense

    The Linguistic Frontier

    | Alaska, USA | Geography, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I was born and raised in Alaska. I’ve been told by a lot of people that I sound very generically American. I’ve been answering questions for this couple for about five minutes.)

    Me: “Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with!”

    Male Tourist: “No, we’ll be fine, thanks.”

    Me: “Okay. Enjoy your stay!”

    Female Tourist: “Thanks, honey. You speak real good English for being an Alaskan!”

    And A Pound Of Pronunciation, Please

    | USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (Note: we sell almost any kind of vegetables at our grocery store.)

    Customer: *checks a list* “A pound of [incomprehensible], please.”

    Me: “Could you repeat that, please?”

    Customer: “A pound of [incomprehensible]!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, never heard of [incomprehensible].”

    Customer: *angrily* “[Incomprehensible]! You call yourself a grocery?!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have it!”

    Customer: “I’ll never come back here again!” *leaves grumbling*

    (An hour later, he returns.)

    Customer: *apologetic smile* “Couldn’t read my handwriting. A pound of roast beef, please.”

    Parlez-vous Douchebag

    | Ontario, Canada | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top

    (A customer comes in with his young son.)

    Customer, to his son: *speaking French* “Don’t touch anything, okay?”

    Child: “Okay.”

    Me: “Teaching your son French early? That’s cool.”

    Customer: “Yes, we only talk in French at home.”

    Child: “What does he do?”

    Customer: *speaking French* “He is just some stupid boy paying for his drug habit by working here. Don’t look at him.”

    (The sale finishes going through and as the customer goes to leave.)

    Me: *in my best French* “Isn’t French a great language to talk in? Anyway, enjoy the beer!”

    Customer: *speechless*

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