Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

No IQ For IV

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words

(I work at a video store. A customer is on the far side of the store and yells out to me. He does not hold up the DVD.)

Customer: “Hey man, which Saw is this?”

Me: “Well, what does it say on the cover?”

Customer: “It doesn’t say anything!”

(I walk over to the customer and immediately recognise the problem.)

Me: “That would be Saw 4, sir. ‘IV’ means four.”

Yukon Not Steal It

| Strasbourg, France | Canada, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I’m Canadian, but I’m visiting my French cousin and helping him do some repairs on his cafe. While we’re working, a large family passes by, obviously lost. I’m wearing a shirt with a large Canadian flag on the back.)

Mother: “Excuse me! I’m sorry to bother you, but are you Canadian?”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Mother: “Thank god! We’ve been lost for hours.”

(She shows me her map. Ultimately, I work out they’re trying to cross the border into Germany, but got lost trying to find out how to get there.)

Father: “Good thing the signs are all in French, or else we wouldn’t have managed to find our way around anywhere!”

Me: “Yeah, it sure makes things easier for Canadians, eh?”

(Suddenly, there’s a scuffle behind me. My cousin comes out dragging two of their sons behind him.)

Cousin: “They were trying to steal bottles of juice! I heard them planning it!”

Son #1: *to Son #2* “Well, how was I supposed to know they speak French here? They all sound so different!”

(Quebecois and French speakers do sound somewhat different, but angry mothers are universal!)

Related:
Yukon Call Them
Yukon See It On A Map, Part 3
Yukon Not Spend It
Yukon Not Believe This Juan

Ignorant About Immigrants

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words

(All of the signs in our store are both in English and Spanish.)

Me: “Welcome to [store name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna know why the h*** you people cater to them Mexicans!”

Me: “I’m sorry your feel that way, sir. But it is company policy that we post in multiple languages; we even have a phone line that can translate for our customers. We consider it good customer service.” 

Customer: “That is bull! We are in America and people should speak American!”

Me: *getting ornery* “Well, sir, even I don’t speak American. I speak English.”

Customer: “You are one of those Brits! Probably came here to take a good American job just like the rest of them!”

Me: “No sir, I’m not British. I was born and raised right here in Missouri.” 

Customer: “Then why don’t you speak American?”

(At this point my coworker, having overheard everything, steps in.)

Coworker: “Because ‘American’ isn’t a language.”

Customer: “Yes it is! You d*** foreign people are taking over! I’m never shopping here again!” *leaves*

Good Morning To Irony

| USA | Language & Words

(I work for a bookstore that publishes a yearly book of children’s stories. The store has these books on display near the cash registrars.)

Customer: *reads the title out loud*Say Good Night to Literacy.”

Me: “Actually, it is ‘illiteracy’. The writing is a little funky, and a lot of people have been reading it as literacy.”

Customer’s Friend: “What does ‘illiteracy’ even mean?”

Customer: “It means you can’t read.”

What’s Another Word For Wrong Major

| UK | Family & Kids, Language & Words

(A girl and her mother are shopping for cookware for her to take to college.)

Girl: “Do you have any…” *snaps her hand open and closed like a puppet*

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Girl: “You know…” *does puppet hands again* “…for cooking.” *to her mom* “Mum, I need some…” *hand motion*

Girl’s Mother: “Tongs?”

Girl: “Yes!”

(I show them where to find them while the mother teases the girl. I try to change the subject as the girl is obviously embarrassed.)

Me: “So, you need this stuff for college?”

Girl: “Yeah.”

Me: “What are you studying?”

(The girl turns bright red and both her and her mother start laughing.)

Girl’s Mother: “She’s going to be studying English!”

Page 46/75First...4445464748...Last