This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!
(In order to proceed on our site, users need to type in a signature consisting of their name and their username, which is an eight-digit number.)
Customer: “Every time I’m typin’ in my signature, it ain’t accepting it.”
Me: “Okay, well, I just want to make sure everything’s entered correctly in our system.”
(I read out their name, including spelling. Everything’s correct.)
Me: “Alright, let’s check your user ID. It should be zero-one-six—”
Customer: “Now, hold on. Do you mean the letter zero, or the number zero?”
Me: “…The number. Zero is a number.”
Customer: “Oh…huh. Well, that may be the problem. I been usin’ the alphabet-zero this whole time!”
You’re An Idi0t
You Have O Sense
(I was born and raised in Alaska. I’ve been told by a lot of people that I sound very generically American. I’ve been answering questions for this couple for about five minutes.)
Me: “Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with!”
Male Tourist: “No, we’ll be fine, thanks.”
Me: “Okay. Enjoy your stay!”
Female Tourist: “Thanks, honey. You speak real good English for being an Alaskan!”
(Note: we sell almost any kind of vegetables at our grocery store.)
Customer: *checks a list* “A pound of [incomprehensible], please.”
Me: “Could you repeat that, please?”
Customer: “A pound of [incomprehensible]!”
Me: “Sorry, sir, never heard of [incomprehensible].”
Customer: *angrily* “[Incomprehensible]! You call yourself a grocery?!”
Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have it!”
Customer: “I’ll never come back here again!” *leaves grumbling*
(An hour later, he returns.)
Customer: *apologetic smile* “Couldn’t read my handwriting. A pound of roast beef, please.”
(A customer comes in with his young son.)
Customer, to his son: *speaking French* “Don’t touch anything, okay?”
Me: “Teaching your son French early? That’s cool.”
Customer: “Yes, we only talk in French at home.”
Child: “What does he do?”
Customer: *speaking French* “He is just some stupid boy paying for his drug habit by working here. Don’t look at him.”
(The sale finishes going through and as the customer goes to leave.)
Me: *in my best French* “Isn’t French a great language to talk in? Anyway, enjoy the beer!”
Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!
- Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
- It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
- I Have Lost A Dream:
A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
- Spelling Gone Rogue:
Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!