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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Clueless And Shampooless

    | Rockford, IL, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words

    (A customer comes in to exchange a bottle of conditioner for a bottle of shampoo.)

    Customer: “I would like to return this mess. It says ‘Shampoo’ when it clearly reads ‘Conditioner’.”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the mix-up. Let’s get you the correct bottle.”

    (I proceed to go with her to help her get the right item. After taking a couple seconds to look, she lets out an exasperated sigh.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe it! They all say ‘Shampoo’ AND ‘Conditioner’. SEE?!”

    (She thrusts the bottle into my hands. I look at it a minute and see what she means.)

    Me: “Oh, ma’am, this one is conditioner, but these over here are shampoo.”

    Customer: “What?! That’s stupid! Why does it say ‘Shampoo’ when it’s ‘Conditioner’?”

    Me: “Oh, because it actually reads ‘apres shampooing’, which literally means ‘after shampoo’, which in turn means it’s conditioner.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t speak Spanish!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s French.”

    Customer: “Well, you d*** French people need to give the jobs back to the REAL Americans. We’d get this labeling s*** right!

    Surrogate Swearers

    | Hampshire, UK | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Top

    (I am working on a till that frequently has problems with the scanner. I attempt to scan a customer’s item, but the barcode won’t go through and I mouth a swear to myself.)

    Customer: “Go on, say it.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer’s Husband: “What did she do?”

    Customer: “Swore under her breath.” *turns back to me* “You can say it. Vents the frustrations!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I’m not allowed to swear in front of the customers.”

    Customer: “Shall I say it for you?”

    Me: “If you like.”

    Customer: “Bugger!”

    Me: “Ah, I feel better now.”

    Plz Change Abbrev, Stat

    | London, UK | Health & Body, Language & Words

    (If a customer gets regular medication from a pharmacy, they can have a Medicine Use Review (MUR). It’s basically talking through their meds with a pharmacist. I answer this call from a sweet elderly caller.)

    Me: “Hello, pharmacy.”

    Customer: “Um hello, someone just delivered my medicine. The bag has a sticker on it that says “Patient eligible for MUR.” What it is MUR?”

    Me: “It stands for “Medicine Use Review,” which involves discussing your medicines with the pharmacist. However, those labels are meant for our reference, so I apologise that it’s been put on your bag by mistake. Sorry if it caused confusion.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s alright, dear. I just thought MUR might be short for murder!”

    Me: “Er no, ma’am! Don’t worry, no one is going to murder you!”

    Customer: “Oh, good! Thank you very much!”

    In Need Of A Worldly EdUKation

    | Yellowstone, WY, USA | Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m English, and work at Yellowstone Park selling ice cream as a summer work experience abroad. Often, my accent catches people off guard, and I usually have to explain why I’m there. A customer comes up to pay.)

    Me: “Okay, that will be $2.95, please.”

    Customer: “Hey, where’s your accent from? Are you Australian?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m from England. I’m just working her for my summer between University.”

    Customer: “That’s cool! How long have you been in America?”

    Me: “Um, about two months.”

    Customer: “And is this your first time in America?”

    Me: “It is. I’m loving it!”

    Customer: “Wow! You speak really good English for only being here for two months!”

    Power Trips Of Ten

    | New Port Richey, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Language & Words

    (I work for a company that sends techs out to repair TVs and computers in customers’ homes. We have an automated call that goes out to confirm customers’ contact information and addresses. One day, a customer calls in.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I got that auto-call and it got my address wrong.”

    Me: “Okay, just a second…”

    (I pull up the customer’s information.)

    Me: “Okay, I see that we have the address listed as 1-3-6 West—”

    Caller: “NO! It’s ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX! It’s NOT ONE-THREE-SIX!”

    Me: *confused*

    Caller: “You fix that, okay?”

    Me: “Sure…sir. I’ll…update that right now for you.”

    Caller: “Thanks…bye!” *click*

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