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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    That’ll Be One Rippled Rear

    | USA | Health & Body, Language & Words

    (A woman walks into the video section of the department store.)

    Customer: “I’ve been looking all over this d*** store, and I can’t find the new Buns of Abs workout video!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ll try to find it for you. Were you looking for Buns of Steel or Abs of Steel?”

    Customer: “It’s called BUNS OF ABS! BUNS OF ABS! BUNS OF ABS! BUNS OF ABS! Don’t you think I know what I’m talking about?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry, but it looks like we only have Buns of Steel and Abs of Steel at this moment. Would you like either of these two?”

    Customer: “No, I want Buns of Abs!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m afraid we simply don’t have your video in stock. Is there anything else I can do to assist you?”

    (The customer lumbers off, grumbling. Thankfully, at the insistence of her daughter, she came back two minutes later to purchase Abs of Steel and Buns of Steel.)

    To Conjugate A Thief

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (Although I don’t look like it, I am fluent in Japanese and Korean. I am working at a register, checking out a Japanese family that is buying snacks.)

    Father: *in Japanese* “Son, when the cashier isn’t looking, put the candy bars in your pockets so we don’t have to pay for them.”

    (Hearing this, I add the candy bars to the purchase. The family pays and leaves. Two minutes later, the father returns.)

    Father: “Why did you charge me for four candy bars?! I didn’t buy any candy bars! You just charged me to make extra money! I want to see your manager!”

    Me: *in Japanese* “Maybe you should come up with your plans to steal 89 cent candy bars BEFORE you come up to the register.”

    (The father was stunned. He apologized and left embarrassed.)

    D As In Duh, Part 2

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Language & Words

    Me: “You’ll also want to check out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid.  You can apply for that online if you have internet connection.”

    Caller: “I do. What’s the URL?”

    Me: “All right. It’s www dot ‘F’ as in ‘Frank,’ ‘A’…”

    Caller: “Sorry, how do you spell that?”

    Me: *confused* “…How do you spell what?”

    Caller: “Effasinfrank.”

    Related:
    D As In Duh

    Sum Dim Customers

    | Austin, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “What can I fix for you today?”

    Customer: “Uh, I’ll have a Tai Chi.”

    Me: “A…what?”

    Customer: “A Tai Chi!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean a Chai Tea!”

    Customer: “No, it’s a TAI CHI!”

    Next Customer: “Ma’am, Tai Chi is a form of Asian exercise.”

    Me: *to first customer* “Here’s your drink.”

    Customer: *snaps up her drink and rushes out*

    Next Customer: “Whatcha got in an aerobic latte?”

    You’re An Idi0t, Part 2

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Language & Words

    (In order to proceed on our site, users need to type in a signature consisting of their name and their username, which is an eight-digit number.)

    Customer: “Every time I’m typin’ in my signature, it ain’t accepting it.”

    Me: “Okay, well, I just want to make sure everything’s entered correctly in our system.”

    (I read out their name, including spelling. Everything’s correct.)

    Me: “Alright, let’s check your user ID. It should be zero-one-six—”

    Customer: “Now, hold on. Do you mean the letter zero, or the number zero?”

    Me: “…The number. Zero is a number.”

    Customer: “Oh…huh. Well, that may be the problem. I been usin’ the alphabet-zero this whole time!”

    Related:
    You’re An Idi0t
    You Have O Sense


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