November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

Taste Of Your Own Fast Acting Medicine

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “I want a number-one-medium-with-a-coke-and-a-large-frosty-with-a-kids-meal-chicken-nuggets-and-apple-slices-and-orange-juice—”

Me: “M—”

Customer: “—also-a-number-seven-with-a-diet-coke-large-and-an-apple-salad.”

(Fortunately I am able to type all of that in and keep up with her despite that and speak it back to her just as fast as she had said it.)

Me: Okay…so you want a number-one-medium-with-a-coke-and-a-large-frosty-with-a-kids-meal-chicken-nuggets-and-apple-slices-and-orange-juicealso-a-number-seven-with-a-diet-coke-large-and-an-apple-salad?”

Customer: “Wait… what?”

A Very Unfortunate Vocabulary

| Limerick, Ireland | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Me: “Because it’s too close to your renewal date, we won’t be able to change your plan now, but at the end of the week we will.”

Customer: “So there’s nothing you can do for me now?”

Me: “Unfortunately not, no.”

Customer: “Right. And you know that word you keep using, ‘Unfortunately.'”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “I’d like you to put through some feedback to your complaints department; it’s not a real word. I don’t know who’s been doing your training or whatever, but ‘Unfortunately’ is not in the dictionary.” *click*

Giving The French Stick, Part Deux

| Tilbury, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I am about 18 and working at a sub shop. Two blonde beauties from Quebec come through the door. I live in Ontario and most of the people in my little town speak English; however, I went to French school.)

Me: “Welcome to [Sandwich Shop]. What can I get you?”

Customer #1: *in thick French accent, begins placing her order*

(As I cut the bread and start to prep, I start hearing them talking in French, looking at me but speaking to each other; they didn’t even have the decency to whisper.)

Customer #1: *in French slang* “That girl is so ugly. Look at her clothes.”

Customer #2: “I know. Like, why would she even go out in public?”

(This continues as I make their subs with a big smile on my face. They go on about how they’re worried that my touch will contaminate their food, among other slurs about the province and how much Quebec is better. After paying their total I say in perfectly clear French:)

Me: “Merci d’avoir choisi [Franchise]. J’espère que t’aime ton voyage en Ontario.” *Thank you for choosing [Franchise]. I hope you like your trip to Ontario.*

(Their faces turned white and they quickly exited the store, egos tightly tucked between their legs. I apologized to my mom that night for always giving her trouble about making me go to French school!)

Giving The French Stick

Addressing The Underlying Problem

| Surrey, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(I have a customer who is trying to return an opened package of undergarments. Like the vast majority of retailers, for hygienic reasons, we have a final-sale policy on all underwear. I explain this to the customer.)

Customer: “I didn’t know that it was going to be final sale!”

Me: “That’s our return policy, ma’am. All underwear is final sale, no refunds, returns, or exchanges.”

Customer: “I’ve never heard or seen that policy anywhere!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have our policy written on this large sign right above my register, and it’s even printed on your receipt. You were given ample opportunity to read our policy.”

Customer: “Well, WHY would I WANT to read it?!”

(While I know that customers not reading signs is nothing new, this was my first time seeing someone show so much indignation over it. I found this to be incredibly annoying.)

Me: “Because you’re a very intelligent lady who makes informed decisions!”

(The customer took her underwear and quietly left my store.)

Must Be Using 2% Of Their Brain

| USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name and account number, please?”

Customer: “God d*** it, not this again. Look, I just need you guys to send me a god d*** technician to fix my Internet! It’s been three days since it was installed and it still doesn’t work!”

(At this point I take a deep breath and grab my stress ball.)

Me: “Oh, well, that’s no good. Newly installed and not even working? I definitely understand the concern, but I’d be more than happy to help figure out what’s going on and see if we can get you online.”

Customer: “Yeah, whatever. Just fix it.”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s start off with what exactly isn’t working? Are you not connected to the wifi? Is the—”

Customer: “Look, I’ve already typed the d*** wifi password in 10 times and it doesn’t work. I just need a technician.”

Me: “If we need to set you up with a technician we will, but we could probably fix this over the phone pretty quickly. Now, this might seem like a silly question, but what wifi password are you using? By the way, the password is on the si—”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, it’s on the side of the modem. I already know.”

Me: “Okay, well, read it off to me so I can make sure we’ve got the right one.”


Me: “Okay, thank you. Now, I noticed you said you were putting in ’20/0′ for the first four characters, right?”

Customer: “YES, that’s what I just said!”

Me: “All right, the correct password is ‘2%BF3. That’s a percent sign, ma’am.”

(Three minutes later…)

Me: “Did it work?”

Customer: “…Yes.”

Me: “All right, it looks like we didn’t have to send that technician after all!”

Must Be Using 1% Of Her Brain