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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Qurious Qucumbers

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Language & Words

    Me: “Okay, great. Your confirmation number is A like ‘Apple’, Z like ‘Zebra’, Q like—”

    Customer: *cheerfully* “Q like ‘Cucumber’?”

    Me: “Sure. Q like Cucumber it is.”

    Don’t Get Yuppity With Me

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Language & Words

    (I worked in a call center for an organization that helped people pay their light and gas bills based on their income. It’s Fall of 2011.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, I have an application that says 2009-2010. Can I turn that in?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we’re only accepting ones for this season, so it needs to be one that says 2011-2012. I’ll send you a new one.”

    Caller: “All right. I fill that out and mail it in?”

    Me: “Yup!”

    Caller: “Well, that’s stupid, but I’ll do it. By the way, do you say ‘yup’ a lot?”

    Me: *joking* “I say variations of yes all the time like ‘yup’, ‘you bet’, ‘of course’, and sometimes, even ‘yuppers’!”

    Caller: “Well, [caller's name] taught English for many years, and ‘yup’ is not correct grammar. It annoys [caller's name] very much!”

    All Aboard The U.S.S. Gluteus Maximus

    | Nevada, USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Is there a** sailing here?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “A** sailing. You know, like rock climbing?”

    Me: “You mean abseiling?”

    Customer: “That’s what I said!”

    Made From Soylent Green

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “What salad would you like?”

    Customer: “Lettuce, cucumber, capsicum, Filipino–”

    Me: *laughing* “Did you mean jalapeño?”

    Language That Belongs In The Toilet

    | Apple Valley, MN, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I’m stocking shelves when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any a** wipe?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “You know, a** wipe?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Toilet paper?”

    Me: “Oh! Aisle 6.”

    (The customer smiles and leaves. I’m from the area, so I can confirm that “a** wipe” isn’t a regional term for toilet paper!)


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