This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!
Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!
- Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
- It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
- I Have Lost A Dream:
A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
- Spelling Gone Rogue:
Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
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PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(I’ve just started on the floor for customer service for a cable company. A customer calls in saying his TV is “muddy”.)
Me: “Sorry, sir, I’m not understanding what is wrong with your TV. Is it pixelated, blue, or fuzzy?”
Customer: “No, it’s muddy.”
(After a few minutes of trying to figure out exactly what he meant by muddy.)
Me: “Sir…do you have mud on your TV?”
Customer: “D*** it! I said it’s muddy. M-U-T-E…MUDDY!”
Me: “Sir, do you see a muddy button on your remote?
Customer: “Yes. ”
Me: “Press the button.”
Customer: “That fixed it. Thank you so much!”
Customer: “I’d like a latrine!”
Me: “Oh, okay, the bathroom is just—”
Customer: “No! How much is a latrine?”
Me: “Well, ma’am, there’s no charge for using the—”
Customer: “No! Of soup! How much?”
Me: “OH! A tureen!”
Customer: “Yes, how much is a latrine of soup?”
(A customer comes in asking for dictation software. I showed him a very popular dictation package.)
Customer: “Does that use voice recognition?”
Me: “Yes, it does.”
Customer: “Oh, I don’t want that! Voice recognition doesn’t work. Do you have any dictation software that doesn’t use voice recognition?”
Me: “No, we do not.”
Customer: *looks annoyed and leaves*
Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any las-ange?”
Customer: “Yes, it says on my list, ‘las-ange.’”
(He shows me a shopping list with the word ‘lasagne’ written on it.)
Me: *showing him lasagna* “Here’s the lasagna.”
Customer: “No, no! That’s lasag-knee. I want las-ange.”
Me: “Well, lasag-knee is the same as las-ange.”
Customer: “Hmm, I’d better leave it. I don’t want to upset the misses by getting the wrong stuff!”