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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    The Man With The Dubbing Taboo

    | Ireland | Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (A customer comes up holding up a copy of the Swedish version of ‘The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo’.)

    Customer: “Is this in Swedish?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, however it comes provided with English subtitles or with English dubbing. The DVD will give you the option before the movie starts.”

    Customer: “Hmmm, shame… I don’t speak Swedish.”

    Me: “Well, ‘dubbing’ means you can listen to it entirely in the English language. You just have to select the English dubbed option at the start of the movie and you won’t have to listen to it in Swedish at all!”

    Customer: “But the main actors are Swedish, yes?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “And the entire cast is Swedish, yes?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Hmmm…” *appears to think about this for a minute* “No, I think I’ll leave it. I don’t speak any Swedish at all. Thanks for your help!”

    At Least He Isn’t Bitter

    | New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Okay, time to order. I’ve heard your teas are good. What’s the difference between a tea and a tea-lemonade?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way I can answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on… what’s the difference?”

    Me: “Um, lemonade.”

    Customer: *laughs* “I’m an idiot!”

    Hammer Hammer, On The Wall

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (I am the next customer in line at the theater and overhear this exchange. Note that Chris Hemsworth starred in both ‘Thor’ and ‘Snow White And The Huntsman’. At this particular theater, the board only had room for ‘Snow White And Th’ for show-times.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like 2 tickets to Snow White and Thor, please!”

    Hospitality Is Going South

    | LA, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [restaurant]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I have some questions about a party coming in next week.”

    (I pull up our reservation book and review the information with the guest. She is very agitated, and makes a request that we are unable to take care of.)

    Me: “No ma’am. I’m afraid we have no way to do that. If you—”

    Customer: “How dare you! Don’t talk to me that way! I know exactly what you are doing! I hate it when you Southerners use ‘ma’am’! Don’t think I don’t know what you mean!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I am so f***ing sick of your fake southern bulls***! I moved down here with my husband. He’s from here and I’m not. I’m so sick of you people calling me ‘ma’am’! I know that you aren’t really being polite, you’re being ugly to me and trying to pretend it’s polite so I won’t know what you’re f***ing doing! But I’m not a f***ing idiot. You are the rudest b**** I’ve ever met, you and all you other southern b*****s. F*** you!”

    (She hangs up and I am left thinking how sad her husband’s life must be. 15 minutes later, I get a phone call from the same woman.)

    Customer: *sheepishly* “I’m sorry. My husband heard the whole thing and demanded I apologize. He told me everyone in the South uses ‘ma’am’, and it’s just good manners. I just moved here with him and I can’t make any friends!”

    The Grinch Comes Earlier Every Year

    , | IN, USA | Holidays, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month

    (I have rung up a customer, and hand her the food. She is getting ready to drive away.)

    Me: “Have a happy Thanksgiving!”

    Customer: *yelling fairly loudly* “Well, that was rude! It’s ‘Happy Holidays.’ Saying Thanksgiving is politically incorrect! Stupid girl!”


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