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  • Raise A Broken Glass To That Employee
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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    ‘A’ As In Awesome

    | CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words

    (I work in tech support, and am asking a caller his username. All is normal until…)

    Caller: “That’s R as in Raygun, Z as in zombie…”

    (I didn’t know what to say! Thank you caller for making my day!)

    Not A People Person

    | KS, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

    (I work at a popular retail chain where a new assistant manager is focusing on getting the store and its associates to adhere more strongly to its policies. A customer comes to my computer to pick up an order he had sent from site to store.)

    Me: “Alright… looks like it’s here. I just need to get in touch with electronics so they can bring it up.”

    Customer: “…it’s not here?”

    Me: “It is! We just don’t have room to keep all the site-to-store items at the service desk, so we keep them in the backroom, where electronics brings it up since they’re the closest department to where it’s being kept.”

    Customer: “Whatever.”

    (My manager and I are furiously attempting to bring down the lines at the service desk. I have called up electronics and they are looking for the site-to-store customer’s item. About a minute passes after that call before the customer comes storming back up to the desk. He approaches the manager this time.)

    Customer: “Okay, what the f***?! My item should be here! Why isn’t it up here! What the F*** is going on!?”

    Manager: “You can leave the store.”

    Customer: “What about my ITEM, huh? I paid for that!”

    Manager: “I’ll refund it to you, and then you can just leave. We ARE people, you know.”

    Customer: *calms down, then looks at the ground* “…I only cussed a few times.”

    Putting Your Stamp On The Language

    | Yellowknife, NWT, Canada | Language & Words

    (A family friend is visiting from Quebec. His English is mostly good but suffers from occasional lapses.)

    Clerk: “How may I help you today?”

    Friend: “Yes, hello. I need to buy some timbers.”

    Clerk: “Some what?”

    Friend: “Timbers.”

    Clerk: “Sir, this is a post office. Perhaps you want the hardware store?”

    Friend: “No, no, timbers. To mail the letters with. The little pictures? They are, um, gluey on the back?”

    Clerk: *light-bulb moment* STAMPS. You want stamps.”

    Friend: “Yes! Stamps.”

    (The French word for “stamp” is “timbre”, pronounced like “TAM-bruh”.)

    Friend: *to me, in French* “Why didn’t you help me?”

    Me: *in French* “I thought it was funny.”

    Friend: *in French* “What’s a ‘timber,’ then?”

    Me: *in French* “It’s another word for wood.”

    Friend: *in French* “Well, that makes NO sense. English is a crazy language.” *in English* “Yes, I will have a book of stampings, please.”

    Refuses To Speak Starbucksian

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I’ve just finished handing off a drink to a customer at our pick-up counter. There’s a pair of ladies waiting to order at my register, and as I approach them, I overhear their conversation:)

    Customer #1: “…Yeah, I just refuse to learn their language.”

    (Our area has a fairly high population of non-English/English-as-a-second-language speakers. I brace myself to deal with “everyone should speak English,” until…)

    Customer #2: “Really?”

    Customer #1: “Yep! I just point to what I want.”

    (Apparently, the ‘language’ she refuses to learn is ‘medium hot coffee with cream, please.’)

    Word Choice Makes An Explosion Of Difference

    | USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (For a special holiday event hosted by a local organization our fast food restaurant gives them coupons for small ice cream cones to give to children as prizes. We are open the same day and the event lasts all day long. Our poor old ice cream machine quickly overheats and starts gushing liquid ice cream all over the floor.)

    Customer #1: *screaming so loud i can hear her through my coworkers headset* “What do you mean we can’t get ice cream? Why do you think we came here in the first place?!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the ice cream machine is currently down and—”

    Customer #1: “Of course it is! You know what? F*** YOU!”

    (The customer drives off, pissed. Just like most of our other customers for that day.)

    Me: “You look frazzled. Give me the headset for a while.”

    Coworker: “Oh, God, thank you!”

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Customer #2: “Yeah, we got these coupons for free ice cream cones. Can we get that?”

    Me: “I’d love to make those for you! …except our ice cream machine exploded earlier today.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, My God! Is everyone okay?”

    Me: “Yes, no one was hurt but it did make quite a mess. Someone’s coming out to look at it tomorrow but it probably won’t be fixed until Monday.”

    Customer #2: “Okay, we’ll just hold onto our coupons then. Let’s just get [order].”

    Me: “Yes, sir, your total is [total] at the first window.” *turning to my coworker* “I think I just accidentally discovered something…”

    (Every time someone asked for ice cream for the rest of the day, we told them the ice cream machine exploded and suddenly no one was screaming at us anymore because we were unable to make cones. Word choice is important!)

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