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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Knows Zip About The Code

    | NM, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    Me: “Thank you, Ma’am. Now I need your address so we can mail your order out to you.”

    Caller: “I live at [Street, City, State, USA].”

    Me: “OK, ma’am, I have all that. May I have your ZIP code, please?”

    Caller: “My what?”

    Me: “Your ZIP code. It’s part of your address. After your address.”

    Caller: “After my address? No, I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Everyone has a ZIP code. It’s the number that follows your address. If you live in the USA, you have a ZIP code. All addresses have one.”

    Caller: “And I’m telling you I never heard of such a thing, I’ve lived in this house for 15 years and there’s no ZIP code here.”

    Me: “You live in [City], right?”

    Caller “Yes. In [City] in [State].”

    Me: “Then your ZIP code is a five digit number and would probably begin with [number].”

    Caller: “You’re out of your mind! I am looking out my window RIGHT NOW at my house number, on the front porch and there is NO ZIP CODE!”

    (Trans)Late To Understanding

    | Virum, Denmark | Language & Words, Technology

    (We run a tech support channel. Unlike traditional channels, we allow anybody and everybody to ask and receive answers. The popularity of the channel forced us to bring in a bot which tells the user to speak English in their own language if they are speaking a non-English language. The user is from Colombia.)

    User: *in Spanish* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

    Bot: *in Spanish* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

    User: *in German* “Hi, my game is broken. Can you help?”

    Bot: *in German* “This is an English-only channel. Try Google Translate if you need translations to English.”

    (The user disconnects.)

    Another User: “I wonder which part of “this channel is English only” doesn’t he get?”

    Misread The Situation

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (I work on the front end of a well-known pharmacy as a cashier. We have four registers at the front, and only one is active right now, #3. There are signs on the other registers directing the customer to #3, with a bell included on #3 that says ‘please ring for service.’ I’m stocking an aisle, when a woman walks up to register #1.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be right there to help you. Could you please go to register #3?”

    Customer: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I walk up behind the counter, logging onto register #3, while the woman has her items set out on register #4.)

    Me: “Ma’am, could I help you at this register, please?”

    Customer: “Oh, right. I guess it would help if I could read.”

    Me: “Well, that’s not really my judgment to make.”

    (The woman goes silent for the rest of the transaction. I ring her up, hand her her receipt, and ask if there’s anything else I can help her with.)

    Customer: “No, but I certainly hope you’re nicer to your next customer!”

    They Are Tea-Total

    | Hobart, TAS, Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these two boxes of tea.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. Did you just change your mind?”

    Customer: “No. Actually, I sent my daughter to the store to get some tea, meaning something for dinner, and she returned with this drinking tea. I don’t actually need it.”

    Customer Service Is Over(reaction)

    | State College, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (In the restaurant I work in we’re allowed to talk back to the customer if they’re being out of line. We’re open late, so a large portion of our customers are well past drunk. This occurs on an otherwise slow Sunday night.)

    Me: “Hi, what can i get for you?”

    Customer: “I want some chicken tenders and some fries. Do you have something like that?”

    Me: “Sure, you can get the combo platter for [price], unless you want a side of sauce. Then it’ll be a bit more.”

    Customer: *heavy sigh* “How much is a side of sauce in this f****** dump?”

    Me: *instantly irritated because I’ve been nice so far* “Excuse me? Did you just call my store a f****** dump?”

    Customer: *stares blankly at me*

    Me: “You can leave now.”

    Customer: “Why? I was just kidding.”

    Me: “It didn’t sound like you were kidding when you insulted my place of business. It also wasn’t even remotely funny, so I don’t know how you could consider that kidding.”

    Customer: “But I was just kidding. I really want the food.”

    Me: “So you want to insult me, and then have me smile and serve you? No. It’s not gonna happen. You and your friends can leave any time now.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because I don’t appreciate your attitude, and I don’t want to serve you. Did I call you f****** ugly?”

    Customer’s Friend: “That’s uncalled for!”

    Me: “Why? I was just kidding. That makes everything better, doesn’t it?”

    (They ended up leaving, looking confused as to why I was upset. The other customers were laughing at them as they left. I told the owner of the store about it the next day. He just laughed.)

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