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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Must Have An Ex-Wife

    | UT, USA | Language & Words

    (I am providing a customer a temporary password.)

    Me: “That is ‘X’, like X-ray.”

    Customer: “X-ray starts with an ‘E’. Didn’t you go to school?”

    Me: “X-ray starts with an ‘X’, sir.”

    Customer: “Fine, have it your way, then!”

    Not The PIN-nacle Of Intelligence

    | Athens, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Money

    (I have finished scanning the customer’s items at the register.)

    Me: “Your total come to [price].”

    (The customer pulls out a card to pay.)

    Me: “What kind of card is it?”

    Customer: “Debit.”

    (I hit the debit key on my register. She proceeds to swipe it on her side, and I turn to finish bagging her groceries.)

    Customer: “This thing isn’t working!”

    (I turn back to see her holding the machine’s electronic pen, looking frustrated.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; did it not read your card? These things get temperamental sometimes.”

    Customer: “No, it read the card. But it’s not doing anything!”

    Me: “Hmm. Well, what does the screen say?”

    Customer: “It just says to enter my PIN.”

    Me: “Well then, just enter your PIN, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I did that twice, and it didn’t take it! It’s not working!”

    (The customer proceeds to demonstrate, by WRITING her PIN on the screen with the pen.)

    Me: “Um, no, ma’am. You use the buttons to type it in. The screen can’t read hand writing.”

    I Say Toh-May-Toh, You Say Burger

    | Williamsburg, VA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am ordering fast-food with my friend. He does not like tomato or pickles, and I do not like onions or pickles.)

    Friend: “I’ll have a burger with no tomato and no pickles.”

    (The employee takes rest of his order, and then it’s my turn.)

    Me: “I’ll have a tomato; no pickle, no onions.”

    Employee: “What?”

    Me: “I’ll have a tomato; no pickle, no onions.”

    Employee: “What?”

    (I get agitated, wondering what’s so difficult.)

    Me: “I want a tomato; no pickle, no onions!”

    Friend: “Dude, what are you saying?”

    Me: “I said I want a tomato with no pickle and no onions—”

    (I finally realize what I’ve been saying.)

    Me: “Wait… wow… sorry! I’ll have a burger, with no pickle and no onions.”

    (We all burst out laughing at my silliness.)

    A Capital Offense

    | AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Math & Science, Technology

    (A customer calls in requesting a password reset for his account.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll go ahead and reset your password to the default. It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “Okay, those are all capitals, right?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, all the letters in your username are capitalized.”

    Customer: “And what did you say my password will be?”

    Me: “It will be the last four digits of your social security number, and the four digit year of your birth.”

    Customer: “And are those capitalized or lowercase?”

    Me: “Well, it will be the last four digits of your social—”

    Customer: “I know that! But are they going to be capitalized or lower case?”

    Me: *gives up* “They’re going to be capitalized numbers, sir.”

    Customer: “Great! Thanks!”

    Needs More Grey Matter

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (The craft store is in a part of town near a university. At the moment, friendship style bracelets made of embroidery floss are popular. A young customer in his first year of college comes in.)

    Me: “Hi there! Can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for some string to make those bracelets with.”

    Me: “Sure thing! Most people are using this embroidery floss to make them. It’s only 65 cents a piece!”

    Customer: “Okay, great. I need some grey.”

    Me: “Well, most of the neutrals are in this drawer.”

    Customer: “These don’t have names. I need grey.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; this particular brand doesn’t print color names on the labels. It looks like there are five different greys in this drawer here.”

    (I pull out a grey and hand it to him.)

    Customer: “I can’t buy this. How am I supposed to know what color it is if it doesn’t say? Is this grey? It doesn’t say if it’s grey. I need grey.”

    (He leaves.)

    Me: *speechless*

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