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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    She Also Speaks Ironic

    , | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

    (I manage a fast food restaurant. I’m currently serving a customer who is from East Asia. She is clearly new to the country, as she is having significant trouble with the transaction, and I’m finding it difficult to communicate. My coworker steps in.)

    Coworker: “Excuse me, where are you from?”

    Asian Customer: “I am from Korea.”

    (Suddenly, the next customer in line speaks up.)

    Customer: “Racist! You’re a racist!”

    Coworker: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I said you’re a racist! It doesn’t matter where this young lady comes from, she should be welcome in your store. You should feel ashamed!”

    (The shouting customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “You! Do something about her!”

    Me: “I absolutely agree. You see, my coworker here is studying a master’s degree in Asian studies. She was just asking because she could process this transaction in Korean, Japanese, Mandarin, Cantonese or Indonesian, and didn’t want to look like an idiot by making an assumption about someone she didn’t know.”

    Stereotypes Are A Bigot’s Best Friend

    | Stewart, BC, Canada | Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

    (Born and raised in Donegal, Ireland, I moved to Canada in my late teens. I still carry an extremely thick accent. I am working my first day at a call center and pick up the phone.)

    Me: “Hello, my name is Danny; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry; what did you say? Your name is Darry?”

    Me: “My name is Danny, sir. Short form of Daniel.”

    Customer: “Wait, are you a Scotsman?”

    Me: “Irishman, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, f***’s sake! Put me on the phone with someone who can help me.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I am new to this profession, but I assure you that I’ll—”

    Customer: “No, just shut up and get me an American! You can go get drunk off an a**-load of whiskey that you pale f***s live for.”

    Me: “Sir, with all due respect, I work in a Canadian call center, and therefore most of the workers here are Canadian, not American.”

    Customer: “I can’t understand you! You’re slurring because of how f****** drunk you always are! Go get me your boss, ya f****** Leprechaun!”

    (I proceed to put my boss on the phone, who happens to be an African-American.)

    Customer: “Sir, my call was just answered by an Irishman.”

    (My boss raises an eyebrow at me, and I shrug.)

    Boss: “Yes, and?”

    Customer: “And I want to make that next time I call, I don’t end up with a n****** on the other end. Real people should be doing this kind of work. I’m sure you’re a respectable man who will think about this.”

    Boss: “Actually, sir, I happen to be black.”

    Customer: “Oh, s***!” *hangs up*

    A Cursory Attitude To Cursing

    | MI, USA | Books & Reading, Language & Words

    (A couple walk into my store.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you find anything?”

    Woman: “Yes, we’re looking for the book Go the F**k to Sleep.”

    Me: “I think I have that right back here.”

    Man: “Honey, I think ‘go the F to sleep” is the polite way to say that.”

    Me: “No worries. If I’m selling it, I should be able to hear it.

    Man: “Touché.”

    Not The Greatest Heights Of Intelligence

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I’m working a helpline with a woman to take her information so she can sign up for help to quit smoking. She’s clearly not the brightest berry in the bunch, and I’ve had to explain nearly every question in super-easy terms.)

    Me: “What is the highest level of education you’ve had?”

    Caller: “Five foot nine.”

    Try Before You Psy

    | USA | Language & Words, Musical Mayhem

    (I work in a store that sells movies, games and music among other memorabilia. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange this CD.”

    Me: “I can offer you store credit, and you can use it to purchase anything in the store.”

    Customer: “Well, I was looking for this same CD but in English.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “My daughter asked me for this CD, but it seems I made a mistake, as it’s all in Chinese! I want the CD in English.”

    (She shows me the CD in question, and I see it’s a ‘Girls’ Generation’ album, a Korean girl group.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; this album is of a Korean girl group. They sing in Korean.”

    Customer: “Korean, Chinese, whatever, I just want the American version with the songs in English!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, they’re Korean singers. They sing in Korean. They have Japanese albums too, but we don’t have them, though.”

    Customer: “So they’re not in English?”

    Me: “I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “Then why the h*** do I want to listen to it if I can’t understand it?”

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