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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Someone Needs To Treat Warhorse

    | St. Cloud, MN, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a call center that does outbound fundraising. One of our clients is the Veterans of Foreign Wars, Department of Minnesota.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [my name], calling for the ‘Veterans of Foreign Wars, Department of Minnesota’. Thanks for taking my call!”

    Woman: “Wait, wait, did you say veterans?”

    Me: “Yes, I was calling because—”

    Woman: “I don’t need a veteran. I don’t even have any animals!”

    (I can give her the benefit of the doubt for simply mixing up the words ‘veterans’ and ‘veterinarians’. But I have to wonder what she would have thought a veterinarian of foreign wars would be!)

    To Speak To An Agent, Please Press Fo’

    | USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “I couldn’ get through y’awls phone thingy, cawz it din’n understand me. Why don’ it never understaaaaaaaaan me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Sometimes it has a hard time with accents and voices.”

    Customer: “Bu I ain’ got no accen!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we all have accents. Mine is Bostonian. Yours is Southern. We’re both likely to confuse computers.”

    Customer: “Fayer nuff.”

    Initially Incorrect, But They Nipped It In The Bud

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words

    (I work at a design firm. A few of our designers have special design achievements that are abbreviated in initials in a smaller script after their name on their business card. I am working in our showroom when a customer comes up to me with a question.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. I am looking for the young man I was talking to earlier.”

    Me: “Sure, we have several male designers here. Do you remember his name?”

    Customer: “No, but he gave me his business card.”

    (She looks around confused for a moment, then her face lights up when she remembers something.)

    Customer: “He has really small nipples!”

    Me: “Excuse me!”

    Customer: “Nipples.”

    Me: “Uhm… anything more descriptive?”

    (A look of horror crosses her face as she realizes what she has said.)

    Customer:Initials! After his name on his card, he has really small initials.”

    Space Is His Final Frontier

    | MI, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer is at the fishing license kiosk, entering in his application. He is looking visibly frustrated.)

    Customer: “Oh, come on!”

    (I walk up to the customer.)

    Me: “Alright, can I see you go through this?”

    Customer: “I’ve already done it four times!”

    Me: “I understand. Just one more time, please.”

    (The customer types his full name in the space provided. I see the problem. Instead of ‘John L. Doe’ he writes ‘johnldoe’.)

    Me: “Alright, you’re going to need to put spaces in there.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The customer puts the spaces in. We get to the address. He types in an equivalent of: ’123adr3$$@Clty’.)

    Me: “…alright, why don’t I just handle this?”

    The Digit(al) Age

    | NJ, USA | Language & Words, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (The customer is attempting to use the touch screen credit card machine, but the attached pen is not working.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, the pen is not working right now. It’s a touch screen, so just use the pad of your finger.”

    Customer: “What? What the heck is a ‘patio finger’?”

    Me: “Pad. Of. Your. Finger.”

    Customer: “Oh! I thought it was some kind of young people slang.”


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