Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver
    (1,707 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Law And Order: The Next Generation

    | Australia | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Money, Top

    (A customer approaches the counter with curtains in her hand. Her 15-year-old daughter hovers around.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am! Those curtains will be a total of $45, at $15 a piece.”

    Customer: “What? No, the sign said $5 a piece.”

    Me: “Really? I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am; I was told not to sell these specific curtains for any less than $15. We are a charity drive, so I hope you understand the pricing.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t get it. These curtains were over there on that rack, and it said $5! You are bound, by law, to sell me these at this pri—”

    (The daughter interrupts.)

    Customer’s Daughter: “Actually, she’s not. The sign beside the curtains could have been referring to any number of things. That said, even if we were to assume that it referred to the curtains themselves, it would only constitute an invitation to treat, which is something very different to an offer. You know as well as I do that both an offer and an acceptance are needed to form a contract. By taking the curtains to the counter, you’re offering, and by disagreeing with an express term of the contract—in this case, the price—this lovely lady who’s merely performing her job is not accepting. Therefore, no contract has been formed.”

    Customer: “I… I… shut up!”

    (The customer storms out of the shop.)

    Me: “Thank you!”

    Customer’s Daughter: “No problem. I just finished a semester on contract law, and she’s done this in the past three stores we’ve gone to. I hope things look up for you!”

    Getting In A Puff About The Pastry

    | Bethesda, Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Language & Words

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “That’s an almond croissant.”

    Customer: “What about that one?”

    Me: “A chocolate croissant.”

    Customer: “And that one?”

    Me: “Plain croissant.”

    Customer: “Nah. What’s that?”

    Me: “Pain au chocolat.”

    Customer: “What the f*** does that mean?”

    Me: “It’s a pastry with chocolate in it.”

    Customer: “So, it’s like nutty, yeah?”

    Me: “Well, we can’t guarantee it’s nut free, but the pastry just contains a roll of chocolate paste.”

    Customer: “So what does ‘pain’ mean?”

    Me: “It’s the French word for ‘bread’.”

    Customer: “Oooh! Posh! So what’s ‘chocolat’ mean, peanuts?”

    Me: “Nope, ‘chocolat’ is French for ‘chocolate’.”

    Customer: “I don’t like France; too artsy-fartsy. I’ll just have one of them chocolate croissants, then.”

    Must Have An Ex-Wife

    | UT, USA | Language & Words

    (I am providing a customer a temporary password.)

    Me: “That is ‘X’, like X-ray.”

    Customer: “X-ray starts with an ‘E’. Didn’t you go to school?”

    Me: “X-ray starts with an ‘X’, sir.”

    Customer: “Fine, have it your way, then!”

    Not The PIN-nacle Of Intelligence

    | Athens, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Money

    (I have finished scanning the customer’s items at the register.)

    Me: “Your total come to [price].”

    (The customer pulls out a card to pay.)

    Me: “What kind of card is it?”

    Customer: “Debit.”

    (I hit the debit key on my register. She proceeds to swipe it on her side, and I turn to finish bagging her groceries.)

    Customer: “This thing isn’t working!”

    (I turn back to see her holding the machine’s electronic pen, looking frustrated.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; did it not read your card? These things get temperamental sometimes.”

    Customer: “No, it read the card. But it’s not doing anything!”

    Me: “Hmm. Well, what does the screen say?”

    Customer: “It just says to enter my PIN.”

    Me: “Well then, just enter your PIN, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I did that twice, and it didn’t take it! It’s not working!”

    (The customer proceeds to demonstrate, by WRITING her PIN on the screen with the pen.)

    Me: “Um, no, ma’am. You use the buttons to type it in. The screen can’t read hand writing.”

    I Say Toh-May-Toh, You Say Burger

    | Williamsburg, VA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am ordering fast-food with my friend. He does not like tomato or pickles, and I do not like onions or pickles.)

    Friend: “I’ll have a burger with no tomato and no pickles.”

    (The employee takes rest of his order, and then it’s my turn.)

    Me: “I’ll have a tomato; no pickle, no onions.”

    Employee: “What?”

    Me: “I’ll have a tomato; no pickle, no onions.”

    Employee: “What?”

    (I get agitated, wondering what’s so difficult.)

    Me: “I want a tomato; no pickle, no onions!”

    Friend: “Dude, what are you saying?”

    Me: “I said I want a tomato with no pickle and no onions—”

    (I finally realize what I’ve been saying.)

    Me: “Wait… wow… sorry! I’ll have a burger, with no pickle and no onions.”

    (We all burst out laughing at my silliness.)


    Page 21/62First...1920212223...Last