Me: “You’ll also want to check out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid.  You can apply for that online if you have internet connection.”

Caller: “I do. What’s the URL?”

Me: “All right. It’s www dot ‘F’ as in ‘Frank,’ ‘A’…”

Caller: “Sorry, how do you spell that?”

Me: *confused* “…How do you spell what?”

Caller: “Effasinfrank.”

Related:
D As In Duh

Me: “What can I fix for you today?”

Customer: “Uh, I’ll have a Tai Chi.”

Me: “A…what?”

Customer: “A Tai Chi!”

Me: “Oh, you mean a Chai Tea!”

Customer: “No, it’s a TAI CHI!”

Next Customer: “Ma’am, Tai Chi is a form of Asian exercise.”

Me: *to first customer* “Here’s your drink.”

Customer: *snaps up her drink and rushes out*

Next Customer: “Whatcha got in an aerobic latte?”

(In order to proceed on our site, users need to type in a signature consisting of their name and their username, which is an eight-digit number.)

Customer: “Every time I’m typin’ in my signature, it ain’t accepting it.”

Me: “Okay, well, I just want to make sure everything’s entered correctly in our system.”

(I read out their name, including spelling. Everything’s correct.)

Me: “Alright, let’s check your user ID. It should be zero-one-six—”

Customer: “Now, hold on. Do you mean the letter zero, or the number zero?”

Me: “…The number. Zero is a number.”

Customer: “Oh…huh. Well, that may be the problem. I been usin’ the alphabet-zero this whole time!”

Related:
You’re An Idi0t
You Have O Sense

(I was born and raised in Alaska. I’ve been told by a lot of people that I sound very generically American. I’ve been answering questions for this couple for about five minutes.)

Me: “Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with!”

Male Tourist: “No, we’ll be fine, thanks.”

Me: “Okay. Enjoy your stay!”

Female Tourist: “Thanks, honey. You speak real good English for being an Alaskan!”

(Note: we sell almost any kind of vegetables at our grocery store.)

Customer: *checks a list* “A pound of [incomprehensible], please.”

Me: “Could you repeat that, please?”

Customer: “A pound of [incomprehensible]!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, never heard of [incomprehensible].”

Customer: *angrily* “[Incomprehensible]! You call yourself a grocery?!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have it!”

Customer: “I’ll never come back here again!” *leaves grumbling*

(An hour later, he returns.)

Customer: *apologetic smile* “Couldn’t read my handwriting. A pound of roast beef, please.”