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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Been Called All The Names In The Hundred-Acre Wood

    | Jackson, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I have have been called just about every name in the book. I am refusing to sell beer to a customer who is too drunk.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you’re just too intoxicated and I can’t let you have it.”

    Drunk: “I’m not driving so what the f*** is your problem, fat-a**!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; can’t do it.”

    Drunk: “Come on, man. I won’t tell.”

    Me: *being very nice as it does really bug them when I don’t get mad* “Sorry, guy, still can’t sell.”

    Drunk: *getting REALLY UPSET* “You know what you are? You’re a Pooh butt! You’re a Winnie the Pooh butt!”

    (I’ve heard everything but not that, so I started laughing really hard which got him more and more upset. I told him that was the funniest thing I had ever been called and he got REALLY mad and just walked out.)

    Acting Out Of Border

    | Kehl, Germany | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Language & Words

    (I am shopping in a store in Germany, really close to the French border, and only one full line is open. An elderly woman with only one melon asks the cashier if they could open a second line, which they do. When the second line opens, another woman with a full cart rushes in the other line to be first. The elderly women with the melon is second, and I am third.)

    Elderly Woman: *in German* “Please, I only have one item to buy. May I go through?”

    Other Woman: *in French* “I don’t understand what you say. Please stay behind.”

    Me: *in French* “She just wanted to go through since she only has one item.”

    Other Woman: *in French* “Aw, what a shame. I was here first! And she could at least speak to me in French! Tell her she has to stay behind like everyone else would have.”

    Elderly Woman: *in French too* “Are you kidding me? You French people cross the border to do grocery shopping here and WE have to speak in French? Also, I was waiting in the other line and asked for a new line. You just rushed like you were the only one in the store. How impolite is that?”

    Other Woman: *still in French* “I don’t believe how rude those Germans are. You can be assured that I won’t shop here again!”

    (The cashier finally let the elderly woman pass first, while the other woman was grumbling. Hopefully she’ll be more cooperative next time.)

    The Drink Of The Month

    | IA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I work at a kiosk of a popular coffee chain. It’s before school, and my coworker is ringing up a girl’s order.)

    Customer: “I want a peppermint mocha, but with no coffee in it.”

    Coworker: “Okay, so a steamer.”

    (My coworker hands me the cup and I can’t help but giggle a little.)

    Coworker: “What is it?”

    Me: “Oh, you wrote down PMS for the drink order.”

    Coworker: *laughing* “Oh jeez, I didn’t even think about that. But that’s what it is, a peppermint mocha steamer.”

    Customer: “That’s one way to start a morning.”

    (I make the drink and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Here’s your PMS, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Don’t go PMSing now!”

    Should Have Put A Lid On It

    , | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (The customer enters the restaurant and looks confused. I take his order and notice he often mumbles words to himself. Once he is done ordering I hand him his cups which he goes to fill up and once he comes back, I notice he has a lid on only one cup.)

    Me: “Sir, do you need a lid for that second drink?”

    Customer: *thinks for a moment* “Nah, I already blew my lid this morning.” *walks away*

    Hamming Up The Translation

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Language & Words

    (One of my coworkers is Turkish, but because of her skin tone, she is often mistaken for Hispanic.)

    Customer: *in Spanish* “Can you get me some ham?”

    Coworker: “Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.”

    Customer: *in Spanish* “Don’t lie to me, you b****. I want some ham right now!”

    Me: *in Spanish* “I can help you, sir.”

    (He looks at me with bewilderment, obviously not expecting a white person to be able to speak Spanish.)

    Customer: “Sorry, I no speak English.” *to my coworker, in Spanish* “I told you to get me some ham!”

    Coworker: “I don’t understand, sir. I not Spanish; I am from Turkey.”

    Me: *in Spanish* “She doesn’t speak Spanish, sir. She’s actually from Turkey. I can get you some ham if you’ll tell me what kind you want.”

    (He slams both hands down hard on the counter.)

    Customer: *in English* “What kind of store is this?! The Spanish person doesn’t speak Spanish but the white person does?! I’m not shopping here!”

    (He stormed out of the store, almost breaking the glass door.)

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