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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Crappy Management

    | NV, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I work as a cashier. One evening, two customers walk into the store and ask for an exchange. One of the men walks around the store to find what he wants while his friend stays with me. We make small talk while he waits.)

    Customer’s Friend: “You’d make a good manager here.”

    Me: “Thanks, but I don’t think so. I don’t have enough experience here.”

    Customer’s Friend: “You shouldn’t say that about yourself. You’re a wonderful person.”

    Me: “Thank you. But I’ve only worked here for less than a year. I don’t think corporate would let me become a manager yet.”

    Customer’s Friend: “Stop that! You can do anything you want.”

    (At that moment, the customer’s friend returns to the counter. His friend goes over to the other counter to wait with him as one of my managers processes the return. Just as they’re about to leave…)

    Customer’s Friend: “You have to stop being so negative about yourself. It’s not good.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. I won’t.”

    Customer’s Friend: “I’m serious. Don’t self-defecate!”

    Me: “… I won’t, sir. I promise.”

    (I had to wait until they left before I could start laughing. I’m sure his intentions were good, and that he meant to say ‘deprecate’, but his small mistake made my night.)

    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 6

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Top

    (I work at a hockey stadium ticket booth. A customer is using the ‘F’ word a ridiculous amount of times. Everyone is getting tired of this guy, but none faster than the six-year-old girl behind him in line.)

    Little Girl:  ”My Mom says if ya can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”

    Crowd: *various sounds of agreement and thanks that she said what they felt they couldn’t*

    Customer: “Well your mom must be a [10-second string of words and phrases that should NEVER be spoken to a child, EVER].”

    Little Girl:  *crinkles her face up* “If you followed that rule you’d never talk again!”

    (The crowd laughs loudly at the remark, and the foul-mouthed customer and his friend are shamed out of line. I comped half her father’s order.)

    Related:
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 5
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 4
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
    From The Mouth Of Babes

    A Cash Flow Returns To The Source

    | Lenoir City, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Money

    (I’m working the customer service desk and have a problem with a customer who keeps calling, in spite of being told the answer to his question several times. Frustrated, when he calls again I ask my coworker to answer. She puts him on speaker.)

    Coworker: “Customer service. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *slurring his words* “I need to return my fridge!”

    Coworker: “Okay.”

    Caller: “Yeah, and I paid $400 for it, and I found a used one for $200. I want my money back!”

    Coworker: “Okay. Do you have your receipt?”

    Caller: “No, but I have my credit card.”

    Coworker: “Okay. We can put it back on that.”

    Caller: “No! I want that in cash!”

    Coworker: “Sir, that’s impossible. You paid for it with a credit card, so you get the money back on your credit card.”

    Caller: “But I paid it off with CASH!”

    Coworker: “Even so. The money has to go back on the card.”

    Caller: “Well, f*** it, b****!”

    Coworker: “I’d rather not. I don’t think you’re my type.”

    (The caller swears again and hangs up.)

    Coworker: *to me* “See? With idiots, you have to be clever. It confuses them.”

    Not What They Claim To Be

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    Me: “Welcome to the [Insurance Company]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

    Caller: “Oh, hi. I don’t have my policy number or anything, but I have my name and address and I need to ask some questions.”

    (Usually if they need to ask questions it’s for a claim.)

    Me: “That’s fine. Is this for a claim?”

    Caller: “Oh, no. It’s just a few questions about my policy.”

    (I proceed to find her on the system.)

    Me: “Okay, so this is for your home insurance policy. What can I help you with?”

    Caller: “Okay. Well, a lil’ while ago a few tree limbs and branches fell on my house and I took out a claim and I wanted to know how it’s going?”

    Me: “… Let me transfer you to claims.”

    See Her In Her Cah

    | Lafeyette, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (I’m ringing up a man and a woman. The woman is wearing a shirt and a couple of rubber bracelets that reference running in Boston.)

    Me: *indicating her shirt* “You from up north?”

    Woman: “Hmm? Oh, no. That was just a run I was in.”

    Me: “Ah. I used to live about an hour out of Boston.”

    (I finish ringing them up and hand the woman her change.)

    Man: “You don’t sound like you’re from Boston.”

    Me: “Well, I pick up accents pretty quick, and I’ve been in Louisiana for a year, so I guess I wouldn’t sound much like I’m from Boston anymore.”

    Man: “I mean, you’re polite.”

    Me: *laughing* “You haven’t seen me in the car!”


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