(I am working on a till that frequently has problems with the scanner. I attempt to scan a customer’s item, but the barcode won’t go through and I mouth a swear to myself.)

Customer: “Go on, say it.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer’s Husband: “What did she do?”

Customer: “Swore under her breath.” *turns back to me* “You can say it. Vents the frustrations!”

Me: “I’m afraid I’m not allowed to swear in front of the customers.”

Customer: “Shall I say it for you?”

Me: “If you like.”

Customer: “Bugger!”

Me: “Ah, I feel better now.”

(If a customer gets regular medication from a pharmacy, they can have a Medicine Use Review (MUR). It’s basically talking through their meds with a pharmacist. I answer this call from a sweet elderly caller.)

Me: “Hello, pharmacy.”

Customer: “Um hello, someone just delivered my medicine. The bag has a sticker on it that says “Patient eligible for MUR.” What it is MUR?”

Me: “It stands for “Medicine Use Review,” which involves discussing your medicines with the pharmacist. However, those labels are meant for our reference, so I apologise that it’s been put on your bag by mistake. Sorry if it caused confusion.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s alright, dear. I just thought MUR might be short for murder!”

Me: “Er no, ma’am! Don’t worry, no one is going to murder you!”

Customer: “Oh, good! Thank you very much!”

(I’m English, and work at Yellowstone Park selling ice cream as a summer work experience abroad. Often, my accent catches people off guard, and I usually have to explain why I’m there. A customer comes up to pay.)

Me: “Okay, that will be $2.95, please.”

Customer: “Hey, where’s your accent from? Are you Australian?”

Me: “Actually, I’m from England. I’m just working her for my summer between University.”

Customer: “That’s cool! How long have you been in America?”

Me: “Um, about two months.”

Customer: “And is this your first time in America?”

Me: “It is. I’m loving it!”

Customer: “Wow! You speak really good English for only being here for two months!”

(I work for a company that sends techs out to repair TVs and computers in customers’ homes. We have an automated call that goes out to confirm customers’ contact information and addresses. One day, a customer calls in.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [business]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I got that auto-call and it got my address wrong.”

Me: “Okay, just a second…”

(I pull up the customer’s information.)

Me: “Okay, I see that we have the address listed as 1-3-6 West—”

Caller: “NO! It’s ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SIX! It’s NOT ONE-THREE-SIX!”

Me: *confused*

Caller: “You fix that, okay?”

Me: “Sure…sir. I’ll…update that right now for you.”

Caller: “Thanks…bye!” *click*

(A mother storms into our day camp. She’s holding her five-year-old son by the arm.)

Mom: “My son said the F-word last night after coming home from YOUR day camp. I will NOT have a bunch of unprofessional teenagers setting bad examples for my child!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. I have no idea which employee could have said that, but I will definitely call a meeting with all of our counselors to discuss this.”

Mom: “Yeah, you’d better. I should have all of you fired, really!”

(She turns to leave, but as she walks away she drops her sunglasses.)

Mom: “Oh, f***!”