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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    A Whole New World

    | NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words

    (I’m spending the summer with my grandmother in a small southern town, but I’m from Connecticut.)

    Me: “Hello, I’m [name]. I’ll be your server today. Can I start you off with something to drink?”

    Customer: *in a thick southern drawl* “What an unusual accent! Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m from New England.”

    Customer: “How lovely! I’ve always wanted to go to Europe!”

    Chip Quip

    , | NM, USA | Food & Drink, Geography, Language & Words

    (I’ve recently moved to the USA from England, and have got myself a job in a fast food place. I keep saying chips instead of fries, which causes confusion.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Can I get two medium chips to go please?”

    Customer: “No, I wanted fries.”

    Me: “Oh yeah, my bad. I’m still not used to talking American.”

    Customer: “So where you from? Mexico?”

    (I have tanned skin, so this is a common question.)

    Me: “No mate, I’m British.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. So you’re not used to speaking English?”

    Me: “What? Us Brits speak English too; we invented the language.”

    Customer: “Oh sweetie, don’t worry! You’ll learn real English in America.”

    Me: “Okay.” *I decide to throw in a British colloquialism* “Here’s your order. Have a pukka day!”

    Customer: “See, I knew you British didn’t speak English.”

    Doesn’t Read Sign Language

    | AK, USA | Language & Words, Money

    (It’s my first day in a small drive through coffee shop; another employee is also working. A customer drives up and orders two drinks, which are promptly made. When I give her the total, she tries to hand me a card. We only take cash, and have three signs placed on and around the window saying so.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; we only take cash.”

    Customer: “You didn’t tell me that! I don’t have any cash!”

    (My coworker steps in.)

    Coworker: “There is an ATM located behind you at the liquor store, and one at the gas station two buildings down. We will be happy to keep your drinks warm, until you return.”

    (The customer glares at us and zooms away. I’m pretty sure that she’s not going to be coming back. About 20 minutes later though, she zooms back up at my coworkers window.)

    Customer: “Can I have my drinks now?”

    Coworker: “That will be $8.25.”

    Customer: “You know, you should tell people that you only take cash!”

    Coworker: “Actually, we have three signs around the window, if you’ll notice.”

    Customer: “Well, people won’t notice a sign; you need to tell them!”

    Coworker: “Here is your change; thank you.”

    Customer: “What is your manager’s phone number? I’m going to tell them about this!”

    Coworker: “It’s right here on this sign.”

    (My coworker points a sign next to the big ‘Only Cash’ sign. I’ve been finishing an order right next to my coworker, and the customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “You wipe that smile off your face! You think this is so funny, don’t you!? Well, I’m going to tell your manager!”

    (Later, the owner calls to have us listen to the lady’s voicemail. She basically blows the entire situation up, saying that we had been really rude, and that I had been… laughing manically. Yes, “manically.”)

    Not Open To Interpretation

    | OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

    (I work in a call center. We have a dedicated line for Spanish-speaking customers, but for anyone speaking anything else, we would use an interpreter service. I am on a call between the interpreter and the customer.)

    Me: “Can you tell him that, since his phone has water damage, his warranty doesn’t cover it?”

    (The interpreter translates this, and the customer shouts angrily for a few seconds.)

    Coworker: “What did he say?”

    Interpreter: “I don’t want to tell you.”

    Coworker: “Oh, come on, now I really want to know.”

    Interpreter: “Ok, well…”

    (The interpreter repeats back a profanity laced diatribe about me, my family, the phone and the company.)

    Coworker: “…wow, he said all that in that one little sentence?”

    Some Boys Are Made Of Sugar And Spice

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (I am waiting for a hair cut. Next in the queue is a boy that can’t be older than four or five.)

    Little Boy: “I want you to cut my hair spicy!”

    Hairdresser: “…’spicy?’”

    Little Boy: “Yeah, spicy! Like, super spicy!”

    Hairdresser: “…don’t you mean ‘spiky?’”

    Little Boy: “That too!”


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