• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    Reply Back Like An Act Of God

    | Paris, France | Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I am working the customer service desk. Due to inclement weather, we have to cancel a flight to a smaller airport, as the plane used to make said flight would not be capable of landing there in a storm. I am dealing with a customer who has just been informed that the plane to which he was transferred due to a mechanical fault in a previous flight, is cancelled.)

    Me: “So, I’m terribly sorry, sir. The best we can do now is rebook you for our earliest flight to [City] tomorrow morning, or start processing a refund to your credit card for this leg of your trip.”

    Customer: *sighs* “Well, I need to be in [City] tonight, so I guess I’ll just take the refund.”

    Me: “All right, sir. We will start processing your refund immediately, and again, we are terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Yes, would you happen to know how much it costs to take the metro from here to [Main City station]? I guess I’ll be catching a late train.”

    Me: “Certainly sir, it’s—”

    (Suddenly the lady behind this customer speaks up.)

    Woman: “Is that it? You’re not going to get mad? You’re not going to threaten to sue them?”

    Customer: “…why would I do that?”

    Woman: “They’ve ruined your trip! They took your money and ruined everything anyway!”

    Customer: “I highly doubt anyone in Paris is responsible for the storm at [City], and the people working customer service are certainly not responsible for a mechanical fault in the plane.”

    Woman: “But they’ve cost you hundreds of euros!”

    Customer: “If they refund this leg, then it works out almost even. It’s really not a problem.”

    Woman: “What are you talking about, it’s not a problem?! Of course it’s a problem! They should be made to pay! It’s that stupid French laziness where they just don’t want to work and—”

    Customer: “Lady, shut the f*** up.”

    (The woman chokes on her words as the customer who has been nothing but calm and polite this whole time fixes a glare on her.)

    Customer: “I had to get up before six this morning to take a one-hour bus to the airport for a flight that got delayed. I was stuck in THIS airport for hours before finding out that my other flight was cancelled, and now I have to hop the metro to catch a two-hour train to be in [City] hours after I was supposed to arrive. I am tired. I want a shower. I am not in the mood to fight [Airline] over an act of God, and I am definitely not in the mood to listen to you rant and rave like a g****** lunatic about something that is none of your business. Now, kindly f*** off!”

    (He turns back to me as the woman stammers incoherently.)

    Customer: “Merci pour votre aide. Bonne soiree.” *Thanks for your help. Good evening*

    (He gathered up his travel documents and calmly walked off.)

    This Is Not What A Feminist Looks Like

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Language & Words, Politics

    (A woman approaches me at the counter, looking over her shoulder as if she is looking out for someone.)

    Me: “Can I… help you, ma’am?”

    Woman: “Yes, um, I was wondering if you had any books about…” *drops her voice to an urgent whisper* “… the ‘F’ word.”

    Me: “Well, um, we have the ‘Kama Sutra’ in our world cultures section and our romance novel and erotica are—”

    Woman: “No, no! The other ‘F’-word.”

    Me: *thoroughly confused* “I’m afraid I’m not following ,ma’am…”

    Woman: “The ‘F’-word, you know!”

    Me: “Really, ma’am, I don’t. Would you like to write it down for me to—”

    Woman: “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE! FEMINISM! I’m looking for a book on feminism! Now the whole store knows my business! THANK YOU!”

    (She proceeds to quickly flee the store, apologizing to other patrons as she leaves.)

    Next Customer: “Is she going to be all right?”

    Me: “I certainly hope so.”

    Welsh Excuse Me

    | Wales, UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel


    Me: “Sir, please don’t shout. The town names around here are in Welsh, because you’re in Wales. I’m sorry if this offends you.”

    Customer: “It’s not just offensive. It’s f***ing stupid!”

    Me: “Sir, please don’t swear. The town names are part of our unique history. They tell us about our heritage.

    Customer: Well your heritage f***ing sucks.

    Me: Sir, can I actually help you with anything, or did you just come here to tell us that you don’t like Wales?

    Customer: You all need to be more English. *leaves*

    Coworker: Well… at least you didn’t need to ask him to leave!

    Must Be On A Naughty Diet

    , | MI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I’ve just started a job at a certain Canadian coffee shop franchise. It’s my first job, and I’m still learning how to deal with people and learning the items we sell.)

    Customer: “I’d like a naughty donut, please.”

    Me: *pause* “What kind of donut?”

    Customer: “A naughty donut.”

    (I entered in ‘assorted donut’ and he pays. My coworker comes up and reads the screen, going over to the donut section.)

    Coworker: “Hi, sir, what type of donut did you want?”

    Customer: “A naughty one.”

    Coworker: “Um… what kind?”

    Customer: *points* “A Peanut Crunch.”

    Me: “Oh, a NUTTY donut!”

    Always Time For A Rhyme

    | UK | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Language & Words, Top

    (Our county council has online web-forms for people to get in touch.)

    Customer Email:

    “The winds outside blew and blew
    and my bin lid verily flew
    in a lickety split
    I emailed you quick
    to request a brand new one from you”

    (Since the customer did not tell us whether it was her recycling or refuse bin that broke in the weather I have to contact her back. It is the first time I have EVER received a request in limerick form, so I decide to phone the lady. Unfortunately, it goes to voicemail.)

    Me: *to the voicemail*

    “The council received your request
    but you leave us a little perplexed
    Amidst rhyming hype
    forgot ye the type
    of the bin-lid you meant to suggest”

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