July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Language & Words

This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

A Paltry Understanding Of Poultry

| Alabaster, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Egg and cheese. That’s poultry, right?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Poultry. Poultry means vegetarian, right?”

Me: “Um, sometimes vegetarians eat poultry and animal products. It just depends on the person.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. People are just changing all of this political correctness and I don’t know what things mean anymore. You’ll ask stupid questions when you’re my age and people change what words mean.”

Their Own Private Joke

| Spain | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Tourists/Travel

(This happens on a class trip to Spain after a girl realizes she left her comb at home.)

Girl: *walks up to front desk* “Do you have any combs?”

Employee: “No hablo Ingles.”

Girl: *in Spanish* “Necesito un pene, por favor.”

Employee: *laughs hysterically*

Girl: *angry* “Hey! Necesito un pene!” *pantomimes brushing hair*

Employee: *realizes what’s going on, takes out comb, and hands it to girl*

Girl: “Sí!”

Employee: “Ese es ‘un peine.'” *That’s ‘un peine.’* “Un pene es:” *points to his privates*

Girl: “Oh. S***!”

Totally ‘Tanga’

| Hastings, NE, USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Technology

Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have the parts on hand to fix my TV?”

Me: “Well, your TV is 12 years old. I can have the parts in a day or two.”

(The customer starts every cuss word in the book, yelling at me about my incompetence and lack of skill.)

Me: *stands there and waits until she pauses for a breath, when she does…* “Ma’am, would you like to learn some Tagalog?”

Customer: “Huh?…What’s Tagalog?”

Me: “It’s the language of the Philippines.”

Customer: “Why would I need to learn that?”

Me: *in the same, low toned and calm voice I have been using during her entire screaming session* “So you don’t have to use the same seven cuss words over and over.”

(Right after saying that, I calmly picked up my tools and headed for the door. The customer, red faced and stuttering, tried to yell at me some more, but was at a complete loss for words.)

Don’t Read, And Pay The Price

| Moncton, NB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

(Our policy is, and has always been, that 30-days notice is required to cancel any service; this is clearly noted on all customer bills.)

Customer: “Why am I being charged an extra 30 days for service I didn’t use?”

Me: “Sir, you called on March 21 and requested that the account be closed on the 30th.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Well, 30 days’ notice is required to cancel any service. It’s indicated on every bill you receive—”

Customer: “What? You expect me to read?!”

Making A Queer Choice

| NM, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

(I work in a call center. I am asking a customer to read out a serial number phonetically.)

Customer: “…Q as in ‘Queer.'”

(The customer passes for a moment.)

Customer: “I’m sorry; I don’t know if that was politically correct. It means other things, right?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Yes, sure. I can assure you it means other things.”

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