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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    A Chain Reaction

    , | TX, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

    (I stop at a regional fast food chain restaurant for dinner. As I pay, I accidentally pull out a credit card for a big box chain, but realize my mistake and switch cards before swiping. The cashier talks to someone in the drive-through…)

    Cashier: “Welcome to [Big Box Chain]. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

    (I’m not sure I heard that right, but then…)

    Kitchen Worker: “Uh, [Cashier], you realize this is [Fast Food Chain] and not [Big Box Chain].”

    Me: *loud enough they can hear me in the kitchen* “It’s my fault; I took out my [Fast Food Chain] card and he…” *trail off as I realize* “…now I’m doing it.”

    A Lack Of Branding Understanding, Part 2

    | Escondido, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (A couple is ordering at the concessions stand.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a medium Coke.”

    (I get the rest of the order ready and then hand her the Coke.)

    Customer: “No, I don’t want Coke, I want root beer.”

    Customer’s Husband: “You said Coke.”

    Customer: *sighs* “But I didn’t mean Coke. By ‘Coke’ I meant ‘soda!’ She didn’t ask me what kind of soda I wanted!”

    Related:
    A Lack Of Branding Understanding

    Not A Productive Conversation

    | KS, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

    (We are a company that deals with international calls on a daily basis, though I personally don’t that often. I receive a call that goes directly to my phone, not through the main system.)

    Customer: *unintelligible Spanish*

    Me: “Hello? No hablo mucho español” *I don’t speak much Spanish*

    Customer: “Hello?” *unintelligible Spanglish*

    Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: *very thick accent* You speak English, yes?”

    Me: “Yes, I do.”

    Customer: “Then let’s speak English.”

    Me: “Sounds good! What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I had some questions.”

    Me: “Okay? Is this pertaining to [Product]?”

    Customer: “[Product]? Do you have a website?”

    Me: “Yeah! It’s [website]!”

    Customer: “Okay. okay. And you sell what again?”

    Me: [Product]. Did you need help with something?”

    Customer: “You have a nice voice.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Would you give me your phone number?”

    Me: *creeped out* “I’m sorry. I can’t give that information to you.”

    Customer: “You don’t want to talk on the phone to someone in Spain?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “No?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “No?”

    Me: “No. No es bueno para mi.” *It’s not good for me*

    Customer: “Oh! You speak Spanish?”

    Me: “Un pequeño” *A little*

    Customer: “How wonderful! We could talk in Spanish and English over the phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Was there something you wanted?”

    Customer: “We could be private phone buddies if you’d like.”

    Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “You have such a lovely voice. And you seem very nice and beautiful.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Please do not call back unless you have questions about [Product]. Have a good day.” *hangs up*

    Half A Mind To Watch What You Say

    | Veron, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (A father and son check out books and DVDs.)

    Me: “That’s it. Books are due in two weeks and the DVDs are due in one. But you can return the books at the same time as the DVDs are due, if you have a mind to. Thank you.”

    (A few minutes later, as they go in the children’s room:)

    Son: “What did she mean by that, Daddy?”

    Father: “Well, I think she’s from down South and it’s just a saying…”

    (I’m watching what “down South” expressions I use now…)

    Their Poetry Isn’t Priceless Yet

    | Tallahassee, FL, USA | Language & Words, Transportation

    (I’m a customer in a post office, mailing a submission for a national poetry contest (the name of which is stated on the envelope). The employee helping me has been entering information into the system.)

    Employee: “So. how much is this poetry worth if lost?”

    Me: “Only my heart and soul!”

    Employee: “I’m just gonna go with a hundred dollars…”

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