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    Category: Language & Words

    This category features customers whose mishandling of vocabulary and grammar are so bad that we literally have no words to describe them!

    In A Muddle Over The Mobble

    | Wales | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (Most of our visitors are from England, and although we’re familiar with the ‘tourist’ pronunciations of a lot of town names, sometimes they manage to pronounce something so crazy that we have to ask them to spell it, which for us, usually spells trouble…)

    Customer: *a smartly-dressed older lady* “Hi. I want to get to Mobblegarnith.”

    Me: “Mobblegarnith? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of it. Did you perhaps mean [Town Name In Cheshire]? It’s a good two-and-a-half hours from here.”

    Customer: “It must be near here; I think we passed a sign for it on our way in.”

    Me: “Well, the nearest town to here that begins with ‘M’ is [Town Name].”

    Customer: “No. Not there.”

    Me: “Well, how about [another nearby town name that begins with 'M']?”

    Customer: “No. Not there either.”

    Me: “What about [town that doesn't begin with 'M' but roughly rhymes with the 'garnith' part]?”

    Customer: “No, no, NO, stupid! It’s not there. It’s Mobblegarnith!” *slowly and louder* “MOBBLE. GARNITH!”

    Me: “I’m ever so sorry, but could you spell it for me? Or perhaps tell me a name of another town you passed by where you saw the signs?”

    Customer: “Oh for crying out loud. M. A. C. H. Y—”

    Me: “Oh! You mean Machynlleth?! That’s a good hour from us, and it’s back the way you came from [Their Hometown].”

    Customer: “Yes, finally! Mobblegarnith. I don’t get why you Welsh people have to pronounce it differently just to wind us English up. It’s CLEARLY Mobblegarnith.”

    Me: “I assure you it’s not deliberate. The Welsh alphabet is just a tiny bit bigger than the English one. We actually have 28 letters versus your 26, so we have to combine some of the letters in the alphabet to finish making up our alphabet. The pronunciations are all right once you get used to them, though.”

    Customer: “Don’t lecture me, young lady! Your alphabet is nothing more than silly lies; if you’d been properly educated you’d know how to pronounce all these places. Now, could you please, very kindly, if it is not too much trouble, tell me how to get to Mobblegarnith?”

    Me: “Right, okay. I can print you some map directions if you like?”

    Customer: *sarcastically* “Thank you, you are most kind.”

    Me: *prints maps and hands them to customer* “Here you go! Road directions to Machynlleth. Since you had such trouble getting here, I’ll waive the printing fee.”

    Customer: “For goodness sakes, girl, say it PROPERLY.”

    Me: *dying a bit inside* “I hope you have a safe journey to Mobblegarnith.”

    Customer: *gives a satisfied nod, and turns on her heels to leave*

    Sexy Money

    | Sweden | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Money, Rude & Risque

    (The Swedish word for the number six is ‘sex.’ The cashier is just about to charge an elderly couple for their groceries.)

    Cashier: “That’s 106 kronor.”

    (The old man hands him a 100 kronor bill.)

    Cashier: “I need six kronor more.”

    Old Man: *to cashier* “What did you say?”

    Old Woman: “He said he wanted sex.”

    Cashier: *getting red but trying to smile* “Six kronor more.”

    Old Man: “What?”

    Old Woman: *loudly* “He said he wants sex!”

    (Both the queue behind them and the queue for the other register go silent and stare.)

    Cashier: *loudly* “Kronor!”

    Old Man: *loudly* “Speak up woman!”

    Old Woman: *almost screaming* “THE CASHIER WANTS SEX FROM YOU!”

    Cashier: *screaming* “SIX KRONOR!”

    Worth Its Weight In Golden

    | Exeter, England, UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (A rather frazzled looking customer rushes in and comes straight over to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like 12.5g of golden virginity please…”

    (Pause.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, love, there are some things we just can’t give back.”

    Customer: “Oh my goodness, Virginia! I meant golden Virginia!”

    You Haven’t Seen Anything Yette

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (I help a mother find a dress for her daughter for a special occasion. It is really busy since it is prom season but we are able to find a dress. She is a bit demanding, but we try to accommodate as much as we can. Before deciding, we are talking about possibilities for alterations.)

    Customer: “So the dress will be finished by then, RIGHT?”

    Me: “Yes, I assure that it will all be fixed by then.”

    Customer: “It better be since I’m paying all of this money for one dress.”

    Me: “Well, if you prefer, there is another place that does alterations right around the corner. If you want, we can leave the dress on hold so you can check to see if their prices are within your price range.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to. It’s such a hassle.”

    Me: “All right, then.”

    (My coworker turns to me for help.)

    Coworker: “How do you spell ‘corset?’”

    Me: “C-O-R-S-E-T.”

    Customer: “…T-E! It is spelled; C-O-R-S-E-T-T-E.”

    Me: *sighs with an awkward smile*

    Situation Goes South (Park) Very Quickly

    | Tabernacle, NJ, USA | Family & Kids, Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (The year is 1998. The South Park movie just came out and tons of kids attempting to sneak in to see it. I’m now seeing a mother and son.)

    Mother: “Hey, I’d like two tickets for South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut please.”

    (I look at the son, who appears to be no older than five years old.)

    Me: “Um… ma’am. I’d hate to inform you, but this movie is not suitable for your child as it’s rated-R.”

    Mother: “Why not?”

    Me: “First off, even though it’s a cartoon, it’s NOT made for kids as it’s filled with swearing, offensive humor, and general themes not appropriate for kids. Second, South Park is well known by many parents throughout the state for its controversy.”

    Mother: “I don’t care. It’s a cartoon, so it’s for kids.”

    Kid: “Yeah! Adults are too old for cartoons.”

    Me: *sigh* “Enjoy the show…”

    (20 minutes later, the parent shows up again with her kid, visibly angry.)

    Mother: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS WASN’T A KIDS’ MOVIE?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I told you explicitly that this wasn’t for kids, but you ignored me as ‘cartoons are only for kids.’”

    Kid: “MOM! TAKE ME BACK TO THE F****** MOVIE, YOU UNCLE F********!”

    Mother: “You do not use that language with me, [Kid]! GET ME THE MANAGER NOW!”

    Me: “Okay!”

    Manager: “What’s the problem here, [My Name]?”

    Me: “This woman is rather mad here?”

    Manager: “Okay, what’s up?”

    Mother: “This movie was not suitable for my child!”

    Manager: “Which one?”

    Son: “TAKE ME BACK TO WATCH THE F****** SOUTH PARK F****** MOVIE, MOMMY!”

    Manager: “I think that answers my question. Ma’am, I believe [My Name] did tell you that this movie is not suitable for your child.”

    Mother: “It’s a d*** cartoon. It should be for kids only. That’s made to corrupt the youth!” *she then hits the manager with her purse*

    Manager: “Ma’am, please refrain from unruly behavior.”

    (She then punches me in the face, and starts to harass me verbally.)

    Manager: “I’ve had enough. GET OUT!”

    Mother: “Why the h*** should I?! Give me back my f****** money, b****!”

    Manager: “You’re harassing us and you’ve hurt my employee. Now get out or else I’ll call the police and you will be banned from the theater!”

    Mother: “I think you’re mistaken.”

    (She then attacked other customers. We called the police and she was arrested. She was sentenced to a month in jail.)

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