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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    This Customer Did A One-Eighty

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m new, and I have just finished helping a guest with directions to his room. He disappears into the elevator, and after a few minutes, returns.)

    Guest: “That elevator is BROKEN!”

    Me: “Huh? What do you mean, sir?”

    Guest: “I mean, I went in there, pressed the button for my floor, and the elevator went to my floor but the DOORS didn’t OPEN!”

    Me: “Did you turn around?”

    Guest: “Turn around?!”

    Me: “Yes. The doors open behind you.”

    (The guest stares at me, and then disappears back into the elevator. He doesn’t return.)

    Coworker: “Wow. In the five years I’ve been working here, that is the first time that has happened…”

    Doesn’t Know Their Rights

    | CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I get a call around 2 am from a caller not staying at the hotel. I’m not busy so I help her anyway. The caller is articulate, but not exactly polite.)

    Caller: “I’m looking for a bar to the right of your hotel.”

    Me: “[Bar] is out in front of our building. Is that what you mean?”

    Caller: “NO! The one to the RIGHT of your hotel!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is only a river on the right hand side of our building. If you give me even part of a name or any more information I can probably find it for you.”

    Caller: “Look. Can you ask someone else? I know it’s there.”

    (We go back and forth about this for a good ten minutes in which she escalates to saying that people like me shouldn’t have jobs. She laughs at me and demands she be transferred to a slightly fancier hotel a few miles away.)

    Caller: “Just transfer me to [Other Hotel]! THEY’LL know what I’m talking about.”

    Me: “With all respect, they are not near here and are unlikely to know about bars in this area.”

    Caller: “JUST TRANSFER ME!”

    (I do, and after fifteen minutes I call the other hotel to apologize for sending her to them. The employee at the other hotel cracks up laughing immediately at mention of the woman.)

    Employee: “Oh, my god! She was crazy! I told her I didn’t know of any bar around there and she told me that she was going to ‘take this to the press!’”

    Efficiency Deficiency

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’ve always prided myself in my fast service. Also, it should be noted that I always treat each guest the same, since they are all equally important in my eyes. One day, I’m checking in a lady at top speed.)

    Me: “Here is your key, and have a nice day!”

    Lady: *puckers face* “How rude!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Lady: “It’s like… you just want me out of your way! Well, excuuuuse me to be a bother! Hmph!”

    (She storms off. I figure she took offense at my speed and decide to be slower at the next customer.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you?”

    Next Guest: *impatiently* “Enough with the small talk and give me my room!”

    Me: *sighs*

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Money, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (An American guest approaches me at my desk.)

    Me: “Morning, sir! What can I do for you?”

    Guest: “Hi there! I’m going to rent a car today to drive around the highlands. Could you just tell me how much gas costs here?”

    Me: “Gas? As in petroleum? Sure. Petrol here is about £1 a litre.”

    Guest: “How much is that in gallons though?”

    Me: “Well, as far as I know, there is slightly less than four litres in a gallon. So about £4 a gallon I suppose.”

    Guest: “Awesome, that’s $2 a gallon! That’s cheap!”

    Me: “Sir, the exchange rate is currently $2 to £1, so it is in fact equal to $8 a gallon.”

    Guest: “Pfft! I doubt that. The dollar is the strongest currency in the world!”

    Me: “Well, it’s the largest reserve currency, but I assure you the rates are as I described.”

    Guest: “You know, considering you work with tourists, you should probably know the exchange rate a little better, son! Don’t they teach you math in high school?!”

    Me: “They do, sir.”

    Guest: “Not well enough!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    The Most Confusing Meal Of The Day

    | Ireland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

    (I work in a call centre making reservations for a large hotel chain. A customer has just asked for a particular date in a particular hotel.)

    Me: “I have the standard room for $99, or bed and breakfast for $109. The superior room for $129—”

    Customer: “Wait! So the first two rooms are standard rooms?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So why is the one more expensive?”

    Me: “Well, room only is $99 and if you want breakfast included it is $109.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “If you want to eat breakfast in the morning it’s $10 more.”

    Customer: “I still don’t see why I would pay more for the same room!”

    Me: “You don’t pay more for the room, you pay the extra for the food. You can have just the room for $99 or the room and breakfast at the restaurant for $109.”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand why I should pay more.”

    Me: “I have no idea how else to explain this.”

    (She never made a booking. We were ‘too confusing.’)

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