November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Hotels & Lodging

A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

An Attack On Common Sense

| USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Hotels & Lodging

(A man and his wife and a bunch of teens check in. All day, the teens are running freely outside, even when it turns dark. Our part of the city is notorious for crime, and one of the teens nearly gets attacked by a mugger. Fortunately, she is unharmed. The man approaches me.)

Man: “My daughter nearly got attacked outside! What are you going to do about it?”

Me: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Man: *throws hands up* “It’s all your fault! If you’d been watching her better–”

Me: “Sir, I am NOT a babysitter.”

Man: “You sure are! You’re responsible for all the guests here! And she’s a guest! What kind of place is this, that doesn’t care when their charges gets attacked!”

Me: “I’m just a clerk. Now, would you like me to call the police for you?”

Man: “Fine, whatever!”

(I called the police. The policeman came and told him what I wanted to: that he was responsible. Later, the man wrote on a comment card complaining about me for not babysitting his kid!)

Won’t Go Down For Downtown

| MI, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Transportation

(We occasionally get calls from hotels to arrange transportation for their guests. This happened on a Sunday evening.)

Hotel Clerk: “Hi, I was wondering if you could take a guest of mine? He wants… Where do you want to go, sir?”

(I can hear the guest in the background, very loud and rude.)

Hotel Clerk: “He wants to go downtown. How much is that?”

Me: “With us, that’s $30, one way. I can speak with him, if you’d like.”

(The clerk proceeds to hand the phone over. The customer is audibly drunk.)

Customer: “How much is it to go downtown?”

Me: “It’s $30 with our service, sir.”

Customer: “No, no, no, no, no. No. I’ll give you $20.”

Me: “Our prices are firm, sir. We are a luxury service.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you just precious. You’re so sweet; I’m going to give you $20 for it and that’s all.”

Me: “No. We will not go below $30 for this trip, sir.”

Customer: “Who do you think you are? I can call up any cab service for less, but I’m offering to give you $20 for this.”

(At this point, the clerk grabs the phone away from his guest.)

Hotel Clerk: *clearly desperate* “So can you take him?!”

Me: “He’s drunk, isn’t he?”

Hotel Clerk: “Yes.”

Me: “I’m sorry you have to put up with him, but he’s not getting in one of my vehicles. Here’s the number to a cab service. They’re going to be cheaper and they might actually put up with him. Best of luck. He cannot be easy to have right in front of you.”

Hotel Clerk: *defeated* “Okay. Thanks.”

Might Not Be A Queen But Sure Acts Like One

| Anaheim, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(An elite member comes to the front desk and asks if he can transfer to a suite, because he can’t see the TV from his bed in his king room.)

Me: “I have a suite that becomes available on Wednesday, but it has two queen size beds instead of a king.”

Guest: “Two queens?” *dramatically unzips jacket, and points to his ‘Happy Anniversary’ Disneyland pin* “Does THIS look like someone who should get a room with two queens?”

Me: “…no?”

Sub-par Subway Humor

| Washington, D.C., USA | Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(A man and his nervous looking wife approach.)

Man: “Hello, we’d like to get information on how to ride the subway around?”

Me: “Sure. To ride the subway you have to purchase a ticket from the machine there.”

Wife: “It’s safe around here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Of course.”

Wife: “I don’t believe it!”

Man: “Honey, it is perfectly fine.”

Me: *deciding to kid her* “Actually, you must be careful. Sometimes the subway trains will spit you out if you don’t board them fast!”

(The man starts laughing and his wife looks like she might faint.)

Me: “I’m kidding. They don’t do that!”

Wife: *not listening* “I’m going home!” *runs off*

Me: *to man* “Gee, good thing I didn’t say anything about the ticket price. Now, that’s scary.”

(He stopped laughing.)

The Language Just Flows

| France | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words

(My aunt and her family are in a hotel in France. We’re German, and she doesn’t really speak any French or English beyond a few words, just enough to get things hilariously wrong. She finds that their bathroom is missing its toilet brush (German word for brush: Bürste.) She decides to go to the reception desk to complain, only realising that she didn’t know all the English words for what she wanted to tell them.)

Aunt: “Toilet burst! Toilet burst! TOILET BURST!”

(The poor guy probably had visions of pure horror…)