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    Category: Hotels & Lodging

    A good hotel prides itself on providing a decent service to all its guests. But when its guests are our stupid customers, there is very little they can do to remedy the situation except pray they’re fully booked the next time they come around!

    Guaranteed Room For Improvement

    | USA | Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Hotels & Lodging, Wild & Unruly

    (I am checking in a guest. I do the usual: swipe his card, and make the keys.)

    Me: “Here are your keys, sir. Please sign this registration card.”

    Guest: “No problem!” *signs with a flourish and takes keys*

    (The computer beeps, and shows that his card was declined.)

    Me: “Uh, excuse me? Sir? Sir?”

    Guest: *looks over at me while walking away*

    Me: “Your card was declined. Do you have another?”

    Guest: *blank stare* “No.”

    Me: “Well, I’m afraid that I can’t let you have the room unless you give us another method of payment.”

    (I hold my hand out for the keys. The guest clutches them to his chest keeps walking away, faster this time.)

    Me: “Sir, please give me back the keys.”

    Guest: “No! I made a reservation… therefore… I am guaranteed a room! Guaranteed!” *runs off*

    (The guest disappeared in the elevator before I could catch him, and was in his room in a flash. He set the deadbolt and ignored all calls and knocks. Finally the authorities had to BREAK down the door to the room and he was hauled away, yelling that he was ‘guaranteed’ a room and that he would complain to corporate. He did, and was charged for the cost of a new door.)

    Weathering The Storm Of Stupidity

    | NH, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m the night auditor at a small hotel. It’s four am, and a thunderstorm is passing through the area. The phone at the front desk rings.)

    Me: “Front desk. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “What was that loud noise that woke me up?”

    Me: “There’s a thunderstorm going through the area right now.”

    Caller: “Can you make it stop?”

    Me: “Ma’am, if I could control the weather, I would rule the world.”

    This Customer Did A One-Eighty

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m new, and I have just finished helping a guest with directions to his room. He disappears into the elevator, and after a few minutes, returns.)

    Guest: “That elevator is BROKEN!”

    Me: “Huh? What do you mean, sir?”

    Guest: “I mean, I went in there, pressed the button for my floor, and the elevator went to my floor but the DOORS didn’t OPEN!”

    Me: “Did you turn around?”

    Guest: “Turn around?!”

    Me: “Yes. The doors open behind you.”

    (The guest stares at me, and then disappears back into the elevator. He doesn’t return.)

    Coworker: “Wow. In the five years I’ve been working here, that is the first time that has happened…”

    Doesn’t Know Their Rights

    | CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

    (I get a call around 2 am from a caller not staying at the hotel. I’m not busy so I help her anyway. The caller is articulate, but not exactly polite.)

    Caller: “I’m looking for a bar to the right of your hotel.”

    Me: “[Bar] is out in front of our building. Is that what you mean?”

    Caller: “NO! The one to the RIGHT of your hotel!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is only a river on the right hand side of our building. If you give me even part of a name or any more information I can probably find it for you.”

    Caller: “Look. Can you ask someone else? I know it’s there.”

    (We go back and forth about this for a good ten minutes in which she escalates to saying that people like me shouldn’t have jobs. She laughs at me and demands she be transferred to a slightly fancier hotel a few miles away.)

    Caller: “Just transfer me to [Other Hotel]! THEY’LL know what I’m talking about.”

    Me: “With all respect, they are not near here and are unlikely to know about bars in this area.”

    Caller: “JUST TRANSFER ME!”

    (I do, and after fifteen minutes I call the other hotel to apologize for sending her to them. The employee at the other hotel cracks up laughing immediately at mention of the woman.)

    Employee: “Oh, my god! She was crazy! I told her I didn’t know of any bar around there and she told me that she was going to ‘take this to the press!’”

    Efficiency Deficiency

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’ve always prided myself in my fast service. Also, it should be noted that I always treat each guest the same, since they are all equally important in my eyes. One day, I’m checking in a lady at top speed.)

    Me: “Here is your key, and have a nice day!”

    Lady: *puckers face* “How rude!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Lady: “It’s like… you just want me out of your way! Well, excuuuuse me to be a bother! Hmph!”

    (She storms off. I figure she took offense at my speed and decide to be slower at the next customer.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you?”

    Next Guest: *impatiently* “Enough with the small talk and give me my room!”

    Me: *sighs*


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